Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Caught up with a friend I haven’t seen for over a year.

I withdrew from life a year ago and just needed to concentrate entirely on surviving my healing journey. I didn’t want to affect anyone with my journey. I was a mess and knew that.

One of my previous friends, is someone I really enjoy spending time with. She’s down to earth, honest, kind and caring, and I missed her.

So the other day, I sent her message. Not knowing how it would be received and I was delighted that she responded and said how much she missed me. Which was so lovely of her. She thought she had done something wrong, and I explained she absolutely had not done anything wrong at all, my withdrawal was due to me. She also said she had tried to contact me a while ago to see how I was doing.

We arranged to meet up and I bought her some flowers to apologise for my absence and not explaining myself fully before.

My friend was so happy to see me and we had big long hugs and she was delighted with the flowers. She also stated I didn’t need to apologise, she understood why I needed to withdraw. Bless her. Continue reading


I have waves of complete sadness for disordered, abusive people…

I do have waves of complete sadness and compassion for abusive people – to the point where I cry, because I don’t want their lives to be what they are – for ‘their’ sakes.

Then I wonder if this is unhealthy and I am being pulled back into their desire for me to feel sorry for them, when I know – they do not in any way feel any compassion, remorse or guilt for anything they do. And I know they ‘want’ people to feel sorry for them, so they can continue what they are doing.

These emotions confuse me.

And I know I do have empathy for even the worst types of abusive people. Like paedophiles, psychopaths, malignant narcissists.

I struggle between having empathy……. and knowing this can be the slippery slope to what Satan wants.

I see others who think they have compassion, and mercy and forgiveness – and they enable abusers, minimize what they do, attach neutral words to who they are and what they do…… and think that’s wisdom. It’s not – it’s Satan’s work.

And I know it’s not wisdom.

But, I still can’t help feeling so sorry for anyone who is so fucked up, they choose dark, abusive needs, and enjoy it, or have no willingness to deal with what they truly are.

Some people tell me my empathy is wrong and unhealthy.

Some tell me it is good.

Some tell me it isn’t enough and I need to view them in positive/neutral ways.

I think of Christian music and songs that say everyone needs forgiveness, mercy, compassion. But so many church people and people claiming to be Christians, get this so wrong.

Yes, everyone does need mercy, compassion, forgiveness, grace ……. but in no way should that ever = enabling, condoning, minimizing, ignoring, avoiding or applying cheap grace.

I feel a great need within me – to make sure I am seeing this in the most healthy and wise way.

Am I there yet…… I really don’t know. But, I do see I am further along getting this, that many.