Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


More to Einstein, than I realised.

I don’t watch much TV, but the little I watch, are programs I can learn from. Programs about things that matter that I don’t know much about, biography type programs – as I like to learn about interesting people.

I watched a program today about Einstein. I didn’t know he was into activism for peace. Or many other things about his life. I find him fascinating due to his intelligence, but also his human-ness. He had an emotional depth – an uncommon combination in such extraordinary high IQ people.

I’m reading through ‘The World As I See It’ – Albert Einstein. It’s a challenge, as it is mostly about things I know nothing about. But, the needed human-ness of empathy, thoughtfulness and discernment about humanity – I cherish in people, is there and I see that. Continue reading

The fruits of growth. And how I love parables, symbolism, metaphors, allegories, etc.

I could write a book on all I have learned about gardening and the parallels between plants, growth, and people.

I have learned my plants need feeding well, and often. Otherwise they do not mature into the beautiful plants they have the potential to be. Plants need feeding well, to develop good strong roots, to blossom, to produce flowers and fruit.

And this feeding, when I draw parallels to people, is not about food. It is about what people absorb, learn, are they learning, what advice and external influences they take in. What feeds their soul and is it healthy, or not. Does it feed darkness, ego, negative aspects of personality. Or does it feed them in a healthy way.

People need feeding, in order to grow. In order to blossom. In order to yield fruit and beautiful flowers, of virtues some of which I also relate the Bible being the fruits of the spirit.

I see these fruits are only developed in people, when there is sufficient courage, humility and willingness, to grow.

Plants need this and rely on it from external sources. People need to feed themselves, it cannot to be done purely by others. There has to be sufficient willingness and courage, to be fed by all that is required, to grow and mature.

There are many types of plants. Like strong trees with good roots. Their bark is gnarly, weathered and old, but with beautiful branches and leaves. and I see these as the wise old souls. I see people like this, the bark representing the challenges and difficulties faced in growing through all kinds of weathers, but strong and beautiful as a result.

Some plants are beautiful and grow, some are needy, but good too. And capable of growth, only if fed well.

Some plants are okay, but have thorns and can be prickly. Need to be careful around them.

Some are considered weeds, but are in fact beautiful. Just a little different and need to be loved.

Some people are like horrible weeds gardeners hate. Sucking the life out of other plants (people). Selfish and uncompromising in their needs. They need to be kept separated from the other plants, or they kill them at their roots and take over. The emotional vampires of the plant world.

Some being beautiful on the outside, but are poison on the inside. And need to be kept well away from. But people can be charmed by their outer façade. And get infected, hurt and even killed by them, if unaware of what truly lies on the inside.

My tomato plants remind me how careful I need to be and I use organic soil, organic feed and they continually yield lots of tasty lovely fruit, that is a delight. If I fed them chemicals and yucky stuff, the tomatoes would be filled with this also and not be good.

I am also reminded of the Bible, and the Parable of the Sower.  Continue reading

Never diminish yourself, for those who refuse to grow – Lilly Hope Lucario


This is a beautiful iris growing in my garden.

It reminds me of growth, and how beautiful growth is.

And how others may try to diminish that growth. Or some diminish their own growth, for others and feel that beauty should not be seen. Which is wrong. Continue reading

The ego, is a pesky critter, that prevents learning, growth, maturity.

I see so clearly how many people are unteachable and have egos that need to be protected at all costs. They cannot face being ‘wrong’ and as such do not learn, grow or mature, until they face this issue.

Most adults think they know it all and whatever they are thinking, however they are behaving, must be okay. Little self reflection, little self honesty, little humility.

And this is why I feel like I am often with children/teenagers, in adult bodies. And that ego state, continues on, throughout adulthood for many people. I also see a lot of hurt inner children, walking around in adult bodies. Acting in bizarre ways, that reflect their inner pain, they often then project onto others. Continue reading

I share the same life philosophy as Mariska Hargitay :)

Watching Mariska on ‘Inside The Actors Studio’ and she stated her philosophy in life is always….

“What can I learn from this situation and how can I grow, because that is the most important thing to me, growing”.

I relate 100%. It is interesting how I have always been drawn to Mariska Hargitay and all her various forms of work.

Continue reading


I don’t demand people agree with my views, but I do have standards I require from people in my life.

People who are not mature in their emotional development, demand others agree with them. I don’t. I expect many people to disagree with my views, because I don’t follow along with the masses. Immature people believe we should tolerate anything. I don’t. The wise know what is to be tolerated and what isn’t. The wise know what is contributing to and encouraging all the problems occurring in this world. And those with integrity and empathy, don’t ignore this.

People will demand non tolerance for some behaviours, is judgment. People always use that go to label, when they hear something different to what they want to believe, that causes cognitive dissonance. I am at that stage where I don’t care whether someone may be ‘judging me’. I’m past that now.

I do insist on those in my life having standards that mean they do not consistently harm others and are not illegal. And I will speak up against harm caused to others and society’s shallow needs, because I see the bigger picture issues. I don’t only see and care about how something affects me. I see the many layered issues of situations. Continue reading

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Delighted with a gift of a cubic metre of garden mulch :)

I’ve never been someone who needs materialistic gifts, or grandiose offerings. I don’t need or want expensive jewellery. I don’t want money wasted on items that won’t last, or are meaningless to me. I don’t need or want grandiose offerings.

I’ve never chosen gold jewellery, preferring silver. I would happily wear fake diamonds, I don’t want real ones. I do not want to follow the sheep and ‘have to have’ the latest xyz. I don’t wear brand clothing. I don’t care about fashion, or whatever is the latest, newest trend. To me, it’s all a waste of money. We don’t waste money on bought shop cards. I’m happy and content to have a cheap meal out to celebrate an anniversary and would prefer that, to some flash restaurant. I buy cheap clothes and cheap jewellery and love op-shopping.

And it’s not because I am tight with money. I am a really giving person, who loves to think of thoughtful gifts for others. I gave two plants to a friend the other day, because I know she loves plants and is new at gardening like myself. I choose to consider thoughtful gifts. I’m often giving stuff away to people who need it more. I also love to give my time, heart, energy and thought, to people, as this matters more than materialistic items. I also donate fortnightly to charities and want volunteer. There are many ways to ‘give’ to others.

There is a lot I have never really needed, that I have always known for me is meaningless. I want it even less now. I want the more thoughtful, bigger picture, deeper stuff.

I don’t ‘need’ ‘stuff’ to boost my self esteem, or to validate my identity, or worth. And I do not care about image or what others think of me, in terms of shallow focusses. Continue reading

So glad I worked out how I can choose which comments can be seen. Keep the trolls, away.

I have trolls and nasty people come visit my social media pages and this blog. They used to bother me, but I have completely got to the point of knowing their issues – are all about them and nothing to do with me.

Trolls, nasty, narcissistic, sociopathic, angry, manipulative people love social media and somewhere to vent and project their darkness. Only way to deal with trolls…….. is not to feed them. You can’t reason with them, as they are disordered and dysfunctional people, and you can’t reason with that.


Just had one today here on this blog…… and I have not approved the comment and instead ‘trashed’ it and hope this mean, angry person just goes away, as they always do when you pay no attention to them.

I accept that putting myself on social media and this blog – will sadly attract trolls, narcissists, sociopaths and angry manipulative people looking for somewhere to vent and project. Continue reading

I am becoming the person I am meant to be.

I believe in transformation, ‘becoming’.

Becoming wiser, more mature, working on growth and healing and that taking time.

I am becoming who God wants me to be, not what people demand I should be.

I know this is ongoing transforming, this becoming will continue all my life.

We are never wise enough. We never know enough. We are not God.