Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


4 Comments

My journey & message, are of HOPE. Because I am healing.

I do believe there is healing from complex trauma. It takes a massive amount of courage, dedication, effort and doing everything that is needed.

There are many complex layers, to healing complex trauma. I have been peeling away those layers, and tackling every one of them. Every wound. Every set of deep consequences of the wounds/abuse.

I have gone to counselling, at times dragging myself, at times truly wishing I could just give up instead.

But, I didn’t give up, I kept going. I still keep going.

I have devoted considerable time over the last 4 years, to researching and finding out everything I can about complex trauma. Read masses. Applied every tiny bit of my deep levels of resourcefulness, to finding out everything I need to know and do. And I knew I needed to find out from all the experts. I knew not to trust my own insight only, and to seek professional and wise advice. And I’ve learned so much and healed so much in the process.

I’ve had to be honest and face truly painful things done to me. I’ve had to be honest about Continue reading


1 Comment

Found ‘To Write Love On Her Arms’ kindled the book ‘If You Feel Too Much’ – Amazing!

I love when I come across empathic and compassionate people…….. it gives me hope.

The non profit organisation ‘To Write Love On Her Arms’ – is amazing and I am so thankful for all they do and to have found them. http://twloha.com/

Jamie Tworkowski – the founder – has written and published a book I have kindled ‘If You Feel Too Much’ and it is really interesting, and full of compassion and empathy for those struggling, suffering. Yet gives gentle hope, in a non demanding way, where people’s struggles are accepted and understood.

This is from the book – and I love it!

Fullscreen capture 6062015 104948 AM


4 Comments

I guess I have more hope within me, than I believe I do.

I am exhausted. All the time. Many valid reasons.

Including the depth of pain I go through in peeling away the layers of trauma and what they mean. The deep grieving. The emotional pain. The physical pain. The daily grind of dealing with Complex PTSD, PTSD and associated illness. The daily issues I have to deal with. The lack of support in my life.

I am aware, a lot of the time, the only reason I think I keep going is my children.

I often want to give up. Yet, I never do. And I never have, despite everything endured.

I realise I am still working on stuff. Still implementing better boundaries and self care… which is a huge part of this journey.

I just realised as I am typing, I don’t want to use the words ‘healing’ and ‘recovery’ anymore. They make it worse. They shame me. They shame others too, in a covert way. I see that clearly. They focus on an end goal I am ‘expected to reach’ that I may never reach, or may take a lifetime to reach. I refuse to do that to myself anymore. And even that, is progress. I will call it ‘my journey’ and nothing more. Continue reading


Two quotes I struggle with, but need to remember. No judgment required.

hope

pain

I am aware I suck at these.

They are advice I give to others…. I shared them today on my page…….because my mind knows they are true……… but I definitely do not feel them all the time.

I am aware there are also very valid reasons why I do struggle with these, and I don’t judge myself anymore for it.

What I feel, is what I feel.

No judgment required.


A post I wrote on my page, with a heart of wanting to create some hope.

I wrote this post the other day, because I am increasingly aware of needing to be a positive/validating role model, for my community. I want to validate how horrendous this journey can be, be very honest, share all of it, and create hope.

I also don’t post anywhere near as much as I used to on my community pages, because I also want to be a better role model with this too. I accept and fully understand why people become absorbed on the internet, it is a coping method and a way of zoning out from the pain of PTSD memories and symptoms. It also is a way of connecting with others who understand.

So I have no judgment of others who do this, I understand, fully. But, as we progress through this journey, it is needed to manage online time and try to focus on other things that help healing too.


❤ A little message from me – with love ❤

This journey is not easy….the last 3 years, since my ‘breakdown’, have been incredibly painful at times. I have nearly not made it a few times, due to feeling suicidal, severely depressed and in intense emotional pain.

So if you feel this way, please know I absolutely do understand and that fear and hopelessness of it never getting better.

It is consistently getting better for me at the moment and although I am still processing deeply traumatic issues, I am emotionally stronger, to deal with it.

I no longer consider it to have been a ‘breakdown’ 3 years ago….I consider it to be the start of my healing/recovery ‘breakthrough’.

I hope this can give a little hope to those who may feel it is never going to get better ❤
Continue reading