Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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People in my life now, are not responsible for being what I needed as a child.

I realise a lot of prolonged child abuse survivors, who had toxic, abusive, neglectful parents did not receive the care and parenting needed and deserved. And those needs continue on into adulthood. They did for me. I subconsciously wanted people to ‘make up’ for the family I never had. The loving, safe, parents… I never had.

I realised through my healing, I had been searching for people to be my parents, throughout adulthood. I subconsciously saw people as potential ‘parents’ and others as potential ‘siblings’ etc.  Those needs never fulfilled, don’t just go away when you become 18. They continue on and I am honest to know this.

Once I realised this, I also realised I could not expect anyone to ‘look after me’ or be the family I never had. The only people who could be parents, siblings, were my own and that did not happen for me. The parenting I needed as a child, could only be within my childhood. But, it didn’t happen. I have accepted this.

I am not a child now. I am an adult. I don’t need parenting by others and I realised some time back, no-one else can be expected to be my parent.

So I learned to parent myself. I did a lot of inner child healing, myself. Continue reading


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Treated myself to an adult colouring book :)

Went to the shopping centre today, for the first time in weeks. While there, I spotted all the adult colouring books now readily available. They have become so popular.

Until now, I have purchased children’s colouring books, but these adult ones are definitely better.

So, I treated myself to one 🙂

This one has famous quotes in it and I spotted ones by Carl Jung, C.S.Lewis.

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Colouring-in, has great benefits for stress relief, anxiety reduction, mindfulness and are also great for inner child healing. Continue reading


Gardening Therapy :)

My gardening is my therapy, my mindfulness, my stress reduction, my joy, my creativity, my inner child healing, my place of safety.

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I’m a firm believer in creativity of some kind, being soothing and healing to the traumatised brain. As are many experts.

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Continue reading


Gardening therapy…. some new garden friends.

Gardening has become really important to me. It is part of my own therapy.

I realise I have done most of my own therapy over the last 3 years. Even my first counsellor, stated I do most of my own therapy. I have the capacity to think deeply about everything and process and work it all out. Something I had to develop very young, due to growing in the ‘garden of evil’. Now I am creating a ‘garden of peace’.

Gardening was something I started doing in the last year, as part of my inner child healing I worked I needed. And it is a form of mindfulness too.

I’ve created this little oasis of peace and tranquillity in my back yard and much of it is based on inner child healing work. I have cute, girlie things like fairies and little animals. All stuff that appeals to the inner child in me, who requires ongoing nourishing, healing, safety and kindness. And is allowed to be a child.

My garden is the only place I ever feel close to any peace, any safety and is of great therapeutic quality.

These are some new cute gardening ornaments my husband bought me, as they were on sale. And they are very cute and welcome, pretty addictions to my fairy deck.

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My mindfulness, my enjoyment, my stress reduction, my inner child healing, my escape… my gardens.

Pics from round my gardens, where I spend time every day, pottering around…

I utilise my gardens for many reasons. Including being where I escape to, when my anxiety is raised, my stress levels are up, and children and husband are pushing my buttons.

My gardens and lovely areas to sit and have a cup of tea, help soothe my mind. They give me something creative and positive to do. They create mindfulness in a way I can regularly participate. They help with inner child healing, and are something so pretty to look at.

I love my flowers, my fairy’s, my cute stuff.

A perfectly wonderful and highly adaptive coping strategy, that aids wellbeing, and promotes healing.

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Nearly cried in Target today….. I found a Milly Molly Mandy book :)

I had the fun of going to buy one of my son’s friends Birthday present today, and she is 6, very girlie and loves pink 🙂

Whilst looking around Target – I found a Milly Molly Mandy book and nearly cried – in the middle of the store.

Milly Molly Mandy was one of my favourite childhood books and books were a huge escape for me in my childhood.

So, there is significant emotional attachment and connection to this book and now I have one again.

My inner child is delighted, yet very emotional about this book.

I think sook should be my middle name.

Milly Molly Mandy book 🙂

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Continue reading


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I would love to set up an ‘inner child healing sanctuary’. It would be a dream come true.

I think this would be amazing. Lots of inner child healing activities and the ideas are endless.

I don’t complain about not having money to spare for holidays and luxuries, but there are times when I do wish I had more money – to do good with it.

I wouldn’t want this to be something that would be about profit, or for any other reason than – because people who have suffered in their childhoods, would really benefit from it.

I would love to be able to offer this free and pay for the transport costs too. Because many people who need help, don’t have money to spare.

This visualisation all started earlier today, when I asked my online friends, who wanted to come to my house for inner child fun, listing all the things I have here in my home, that would be so fun to share with my friends. Like; my pool, fairy garden, craft, sewing, scrapbooking, colouring, blanket and sheets to make forts and heaps more. Plus milk, cookies, ice cream, chocolate, cupcakes and yummy stuff.

Day dreaming about nice stuff and how to help others, has always been a coping strategy for me.


I wanted a bunny when I was a child……. and now I have one :)

When I was a child, I wanted a bunny rabbit, and my sister wanted budgies. Budgies, it was.

I was disappointed, but very used to my sister being ‘liked’ more than I was, and it was no surprise that she had what she wanted. And I loved her like my own child.

Being the strong kind of kid I was…… that I had to be to survive my childhood…….. I called my budgie ‘Flopsy’. I wanted a rabbit.

Where we live now, rabbits are banned as pets…. plus my eldest son is allergic to pet hair.

So, today I spotted this cute rabbit, in the cheap shop. And bought it.

Now, I have my very own ‘Flopsy.’ 😀

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And I love my bunny wabbit……  and so will my 5 year old. My 12 year old, will no doubt raise his eyebrows, and roll his eyes….. but secretly he will love Flopsy too 😉

Flopsy will live in the garden, with Freddy the Frog ~ who hides in different places everywhere ~ giving us all lots of fun trying to find him 😉

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My 12 year enjoys hiding and finding Freddy too…… although of course – he exclaim…. ‘only for his little brother’.

And all the fairy’s and other garden creatures…… will love Flopsy – our newest garden friend.

😀


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A post to my page on Externalised/Internalised Abuse…

~~ Externalised / Internalised Abuse ~~

Victims of abuse, often do one or the other…… or sometimes both… and this is well known in trauma/abuse psychology.

1. Externalising the abuse…. and projecting that outwards … hurting others… abusing others.

Or…

2. Internalising the abuse….. and hurting self…. continuing the abuse, to self.

And that internalised abuse, becomes a subconscious compulsion – to re-enact abuse and harm self .. and an addiction to that.

Which is all very common, after abuse/trauma. So if you know you do this, please know, it is very normal after abuse ❤

I realised, I was the latter…. and all my unhealthy behaviours, all my dysfunction, emotional self harming, self sabotaging, abuse re-enacting, choosing to be around harmful people etc…. was the continuation of all the abuse done to me previously.

That was when I realised, I needed to stop abusing myself and started working really hard on this….. because I knew I could change this pattern. And I was determined to change this.

This was a very painful and challenging stage of my healing process …… and I needed lots of self care and self compassion to deal with this.

And support in counselling, which is something I always advise people seek.

This is not easy for me to share – so please be gentle in any comments (thank you) ….. and I am sharing this…… only because it is my hope it may help someone who is at or near this stage ready to think and consider this.

I realise not everyone will be ready or need to read this, and that’s okay ….. but there will be some who will benefit from reading this, and this post is for them.

Much love, and full understanding, of how difficult and painful, this journey can be.

But with a message of hope….. that we can heal through this journey ❤

Lilly ❤


I was thankful to have very well educated mental health professionals like this post on my page…… because it helps me to know I am on the right track, in expressing this.

(You will need to be logged into FB, to see this).