Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I will validate the deep strength and resilience, I have developed in my life.

The first 20 years of my life, were hell on earth and I don’t minimize that anymore. And the next 20, were filled with trauma and abuse too. I’ve had to face the depths of it all, to process it, as part of my healing. And it has been trauma in itself, to face it all, fully. It takes a lot of courage.

I realise the depths of my resilience, in never giving in to using illegal drugs, not allowing alcohol to become an issue that impacted my capacity to work and provide for myself. I’ve never ended up in prostitution, or dancing in seedy clubs etc. And all these were handed to me on a plate, and I refused them all. That takes courage.

I’ve never ended up being hospitalised for mental health. Despite having PTSD and Complex PTSD and depression all my life. I’ve had the resilience to manage it enough to stay functioning. And all with no help from anyone, no family help. That takes deep courage.

I’ve got up every single day to look after my children. That takes courage.

I sought help when I knew I could no longer manage it on my own and before it became so impacting and avoided being hospitalised. That takes courage. Continue reading


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Most people don’t have the courage to have integrity to be honest, all the time.

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Honesty, and the capacity to be honest all the time, even under difficult situations, and situations where in the wrong, are not common.

Honesty is a virtue I truly treasure in people, because it is necessary, to be able to trust someone.

If you know someone lies, or distorts the truth, or gaslights, or fails to take ownership of their issues, wrongs……. then you can’t trust them. It is as simple as that.

All those covert behaviours – lying, lying by omission, telling half truths, gas lighting, manipulating the truth, failing to take ownership…. are narcissism, and I will spot these behaviours in people.

And I actually wish I didn’t spot this all the time. Because I see them often and it leads to a lack of trust and an awareness, this person is selfishly self motivated, and lacks the capacity for integrity and honesty.

It takes courage and the willingness to put someone’s else’s needs first, and inner strength, to be a really honest person.

And I know that the capacity for integrity to honesty, also creates negativity from others in their responses, as they do not want to deal in truth and reality.

I think it is really sad, that this quote, is true.

Continue reading


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Intellectually, I realise I am strong and courageous…. and one day I might know this emotionally.

Sometimes, when I sit and think about all the abuse I have endured, which is every type, to a severe level – sexual violence,  child sexual abuse, psychological, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual….. abuse since birth….. continuing for decades….

Endured several sociopaths, several narcissists, a sadistic psychopath and a paedophile, set up my own mother to be sexually abused as a child, scapegoating abuse – which is psychologically horrendous….two abusive marriages….the list is massive…

I do wonder how the hell I am still alive.

It makes me realise, just how strong I really am…… even though most of the time, I feel the opposite.

No-one could survive all that, and not be strong and courageous.

I must hold onto knowing this.

Plus I am decent person, who helps others, has empathy. I am not perfect, but I do have gifts and talents and I need to hold onto that.

I added my picture today, to my website, as an act of courage, because I refuse to be harmed by threats from the past, any longer. And I am not a fan of pictures of myself. But this one is okay.

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We all need to stop looking only outwards….and start looking inwards..

Unless you are looking into your own heart and soul….and dealing with darkness you ‘will’ find there ~ because we ‘all’ have it….you are not being honest.

Those who continually look at others and talk about ‘their’ darkness…. but fail to take the inner journey……

Are simply hypocrites.

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And those who don’t believe there is any darkness within…..are very deceived, have big ego issues, lack courage and lack self insight.

It takes great honesty, courage and inner strength to take the real inner journey…..find the darkness, illuminate it and want to get rid of it.

Most people do not have the courage, or capacity for self honesty to take the inner journey…..the ‘real’ inner journey.

Which is sad……..because it is needed for growth, maturity & wisdom.

cj

 


Today I am going to honour ALL I have achieved and succeeded in……

Over the last 2 and half years, I have worked so hard on my healing.

Having severe Complex PTSD, as well as severe PTSD, Suicide Ideation and severe Depression……and so many severe trauma to process, trauma that started from birth….is not an easy journey.

In fact, it is fucking horrendous!

Having endured…..

Highly abusive sociopathic parents – who set me up to be abused…….

A paedophile who groomed, abused and raped me for years…….

A sadistic sexual psychopath who horrifically abused me for years and went to prison……

An alcoholic gambling addict and abusive first husband…….

An attack with a knife at my throat in a park……

And whilst trying to deal with a breakdown within the last 3 years – also spiritually abused and groomed by a church minister and treated badly by the entire church and endured a corrupt investigation …….

And basically having endured every type of abuse possible in my life….to a really severe level……

I have dealt with a lot.

A fucking massive amount!!!! 

And I have done really fucking well in my healing journey, so far 🙂

Whilst also setting up a Community for others….

Reaching out to & helping 1,000’s of people….

Writing an award winning Blog……..

Creating and authoring a highly respected Website…..

Helping many people.

And making the conscious decision to want to learn from every single minute of it all.

And educate myself in so much trauma and abuse related research and info.

And being willing to listen to what I need to change and be willing to take that inner journey, that demands huge courage and vulnerability……and admit all my own shit too……a process I am still in.

Today…..I’m going to feel content with myself,

and acknowledge my deep reserves of courage,

inner strength, integrity to honesty,

empathy for others, compassion for others

and sheer fucking determination, to heal.

Today, I acknowledge all I have achieved and succeeded in.

Today, I am going to allow myself a big fat

‘ You fucking rock girl’!!!!

Whilst also thanking Jesus.. !!!

Because He was there through every second of all this and He is responsible for getting me through all this……..whilst acknowledging I had to be have the willingness and the heart to heal and endure it all….and help others in the process.


I am definitely a free spirit – totally wise to society’s immature conformity issues & religious abuse/rules.

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I am definitely a free spirit……I refuse to conform to society’s immature conventions…or religious people’s abuse and rules…

I am not a mindless sheep.
And all my I have been defined by others as kooky, quirky, special, endearing, odd, different, weird, freak, not a good enough Christian….
Now, I realise that was all such a compliment and due to my inner wisdom and inner strength to see past all the immature BS and know I do not need to be a part of anything that offends and disrespects my wise old soul.

The only person I answer to, is Jesus.


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How have you not ended up in a mental asylum?

I have been asked this question many times.

I have been through a massive amount of trauma, certainly enough to no longer be here, or have been admitted to hospital. I have been told in counselling, I am a walking miracle.

I should give myself credit, that I haven’t been in hospital.

And this is not meant in any way as disrespect to anyone who has been admitted and required inpatients residential treatment. I have great compassion and non judgment for anyone’s journey.

This is simply an acknowledgment of my inner strength, to keep myself to a point of not becoming so mentally ill, that residential treatment becomes necessary.

I do believe for my journey, it has been about inner strength. I have a severe mental health disorder, that could easily decline into psychosis and losing touch with reality to a point where I need residential treatment to manage it. Continue reading