Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


The human ego, is a destructive critter.

I see the human ego and the destruction it causes everywhere.

The human ego blinds people to the truth and it can be very covert and very non obvious to most.

Even in those who seem wise and like to promote themselves as caring ‘people’ persons. Their need to be seen as that and believe they ‘are’ that …….. blinds their perception of the truth in many ways – about self and about others.

The human ego is responsible for so much destruction, suffering and harm in this world and I see that clearly.

It blinds people to truth, honesty, insight and reality.

And I only know this, due to how much I have studied humanity to survive, and also because I am willing to go deep within to my own self…… with honesty. And this has enabled me, to see so many issues within others and where people are blind, but think they see.

Only those willing to be really honest with and about self, have the capacity to see the reality of others, with clear vision.


The ongoing validation and feedback from professionals, is helpful.

I receive a lot of feedback, daily on what I share and write.

The feedback I receive from professionals in the trauma field…. is always helpful to me and helpful to those I write for.

To have feedback stating what I write is wisdom and incredible perception, from many mental health professionals, many with Ph.D’s and a wealth of experience working in the trauma field… means a lot to me.

It means I do not have a delusional view, or an over-inflated view of my insight and wisdom into trauma, abuse and healing.

And it means I am on the right track, to help people – which is my passion.

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Daniela has kindly stated that I have “incredible perception” and ‘liked’ this post I wrote for my community…. (you need to be logged into Facebook to see this).


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Learning about, and educating others about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths…is needed. So do not ‘shame’ me for it.

People can make the very wrong assumption and judgment, that because I educate and post about narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths……that I am just bitter, unforgiving and judging them.

I’ve had people say to me they think it is wrong that I post about people who abuse …and shame me for this.

If I hadn’t chosen to educate myself about people who cause abuse and harm……..I wouldn’t have learned what happened to me…..I wouldn’t have learned that it was 100% wrong and 100% the responsibility of the person causing the abuse.

Describing someone who is clearly a fully diagnosable psychopath, or narcissist etc – as exactly that…….isn’t wrong or judgment…..it is stating the truth and those who are at that end of the continuum, are always that person…..they aren’t e.g. a  non psychopath sometimes, and then a psychopath other times…….that is s very immature attitude to believe.

I don’t describe everyone who has hurt me, as a fully diagnosable ‘insert personality disorder’.

But the ones I know were/are…..I will.

And the others as sociopathic….narcissistic.

That is not labelling…….it is a fact.

It is their personality that is so deeply entrenched within them, along with a lack of empathy, lack of conscience, lack of remorse, lack of willingness to be anything else……that it consumes their entire being, and every action, every thought, every behaviour.

When they are appearing to be decent, or kind…..it is fake, non genuine and only for manipulative and self serving needs……and this façade and fake persona they can easily adopt……even fools many mental health professionals.

I don’t encourage hatred, or retaliation, revenge, wishing bad on others….at all.

By learning all I have myself…….and I didn’t lean any of this in counselling…….I learned it all by my own education of myself about psychology…..

I have been able to start to deal with the deeper aspects of the damage they made decisions to cause.

Like why I was the family scapegoat.

Why my mother allowed me to be abused.

Why no-one cared about the abuse.

Why I had certain behaviours…….to survive all this abuse.

Why they can’t own what they have done….so to not hold out hope they will.

Why none of what happened was my shame, guilt or blame……but why they projected all their shame, guilt and blame onto me and how to start healing those wounds.

Why so many people are duped by these master manipulators/liars.

Why society knows little about all this and so victims get little support.

I know you cannot heal unless you know all this, so I am thankful I can take the more courageous road of learning, educating myself, and dealing with it all, no matter how painful…

And in sharing my journey, I have helped 1000’s of others in their journey too.

There’s not many Christians out there willing to open about abuse and who causes it and why………they get hung up on this false belief that we must not say anything ‘bad’ about people…….because we are all sinners.

But, it is very much needed to educate self and others about all this.

I don’t take the more comfortable path many church people will take and ignore most of it and just ‘forgive’ and show cheap grace.

I have had people criticise me for this and suggest that no contact with my mother etc is wrong.

Well, I don’t live in denial or a positive illusion If they need to have that, it is their own self serving issues.

But I will tell then they are very wrong and unwise,..to suggest what I do, is not okay, or needed.

I remind people…….the truth is what sets you free.

Not denial, or minimizing the harm some cause, or pretending they are nice/decent when they aren’t.

Education is needed and if you shame people, for becoming educated and embracing truth..with all the deep courage required for this……………then I suggest you take a good look inside your own heart and soul.


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People are bizarre…..in what they will believe, to justify their own issues, rather than look within.

It really is quite bizarre to me….that so many grown adults…..cannot clearly see that all extremists (Muslim, Christian etc)…..are only ‘using’ religion as an ‘excuse’ for hatred and to justify carrying our their dark needs.

It isn’t about religion at all………..it is about mental health and being deceived.

People will use anything they can to justify their own issues, rather than face them.

People will be completely absurd and rationalise anything they want, rather than look within.

Humans, are very easily deceived by their own desires and unhealthy needs….I see it everywhere.

I see it within church people. They choose to abuse parts of the Bible……..and forget to look at what Jesus modelled. They cherry pick verses and interpret at their own will – what they want. Anything can be twisted to suit what a person/group wants to believe…..and humans are very adept at this.

Mental health, is a very interesting issues…………I see poor mental health…..everywhere…..along with the lack of capacity most people have for self insight and to be honest about what is within.

The most courageous and brave thing I have ever done……….is not surviving all the severe abuse I have endured, as many would assume……..but taking that honest journey within.


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A post to my page about sleeping with married men in my 20’s.

I believe in being honest about what I have done in my life that is not okay. And I model that. Because we don’t heal, when we don’t address our own issues, the darkness within us.


I just read a post on another page, asking ‘what kind of person sleeps with a married man/woman?’..

The responses were mostly stating…..whore, skank, bitch, home wrecker, scum, low life….etc.

This was my response……..because I am an honest person….

“Wow, there are a lot of very judgmental people here. I have slept with married men in my 20’s and I am honest about that and no I am not proud of it at all. If I could go back I would not do it.
I suffered considerable sexual abuse from birth onwards, had no self worth and emotionally self harmed as a young adult – by being with men who I knew would hurt me. There are deep psychological reasons involved.
But, if many of you want to call me a whore, skank, slut, bitch, tramp, home wrecker etc, then do what you need to do. But make sure you are perfect before you do.”

The effects of abuse, particularly child sexual abuse, can lead to behaviours that are definitely not okay, not moral and not healthy……but my life has taught me that I have done things I am not proud of and I didn’t intend hurting anyone.

I regret it fully and I have remorse and I do not intend ever repeating it.

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Understanding my inner journey, and my inner child’s emotions.

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I have done a lot of work, to understand who I am, the many differing layers of who I am. I know I have all different aspects to my personality, archetypes as Jung would say. We all do.

Due to my abusive childhood and so much trauma and emotional neglect, I know I have a severely wounded inner child, I am learning to love and re-parent.

I allow my inner child her emotions, I accept them and I don’t dismiss them anymore. It takes courage, honesty and humility to accept this and to share this.

I have done a lot of work on not being concerned about the opinions of those who do not matter and I am consistently able to not be affected and to know other people’s opinions are just that, their opinions and I can choose to consider, reflect, accept, or ignore.

But, my wounded inner child, is different, her needs and her emotions, are needing to be felt, and not denied and not ignored.

If people who matter to me, ignore me, it wounds me. Because this is what happened throughout my childhood. And those wounds don’t heal just through intellectual understanding alone.

It takes time and work, to heal core level wounds, deeply burned into your soul.

Jung says wisdom only begins with a deep understanding of self, and I see that is not common amongst people.

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So, I will be thankful I do have the courage, willingness and inner strength to endure this inner journey.

And accept that right now, my inner child’s lip is quivering and she feels very hurt.

And that’s okay, I love her anyway.


The Special Value Of The Outsider

http://www.hsphealth.com/value-outsider/#

From this link ^ website, which is very informative and helpful 🙂

The Special Value Of The Outsider

Outsiders have been shunned by many societies for a long time. They have a special value for their cultures that is often unrecognized and overlooked.

Outsiders are the guardians of authenticity.

Outsiders And Authenticity

Outsiders live on the edge in a way which provides them with a particular vantage point on life. They tend to have one foot in the conventional world and one foot outside of it. They stay in the world in order to earn a living but are usually not part of the striving energy of the culture. They are usually interesting people.

Outsiders live at the intersection of form and space but their hearts are in space; the place where all creativity and authenticity are possible. There is a reason for this.

Much of human life is sculpted by the social and economic structures that have been created by prior generations and they serve us in many ways. As much as they provide us with support to make life work, they are usually rigid. So they have the downside of being inflexible and not responsive to the needs of an ever changing world.

Inevitably they become burdensome and restrictive. When social structures are unrelentingly inflexible, they invite rebellion and sometimes revolution.

It doesn’t have to be this way. Outsiders have the ability to be the eyes for much needed adaptability and flexibility for existing social structures.

What The Outsider Sees

The outsider notices the disconnects, the holes, the places where existing social and economic structure does not meet the present. In essence it notices when culture is out of step with reality or the truth. Another way of looking at it is that societal structures tend not to have their feet on the ground much the way the head of a corporation does not have the experience of the people in the field or the factory. They tend to be too removed often intentionally so.

Outsiders are interested in discovering what is true as part of their path. It is not a rigid ideological idea of truth. You know – TRUTH.

When outsiders seek the truth they are interested in what is real. What is real is never fixed which is the opposite of the fixed cultural structures that we live with. What is real is ever changing, as is the breath and what we breathe in and out. Each moment is a specific place with its own conditions, constraints and requirements. Societal structures do not deal well with them and as a result often fail. Outsiders are often curious about what is happening and why from their unique vantage point. This makes them great detectives as well as observers. They then can provide the rest of the world with their observations to the benefit of all. They have the potential to help fixed structures be more flexible and responsive to ever changing conditions.

HSPs As Valuable Outsiders

Highly sensitive people usually think of themselves as outsiders. They also, by virtue of their natures, have a lot of insight about what is going on around them. They have the ability because of their nuanced perceptions to notice the disconnects, gaps and other ways in which existing structures fail to meet reality in an appropriate way.

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Friends fell away as I individuated on my soul’s journey ~ Jeff Brown.

I identify so much with Jeff Brown and his insight and depth of awakening.


Friends fell away as I individuated on my soul’s journey. As I shed one self-sense, I no longer identified with the people attached to it. Old ways of interacting seemed artificial, scripted, silly. Whereas before it was fine to hang out and waste time, now there was no time to lose. Now I had to protect my sacred purpose from connections that undermined it.

Be prepared for the lonely times on the journey. It can very isolating to quest for true path amid the trumpets of modern life. Walking through unchartered territories often means walking alone. This is particularly true in the transition stages before you find a conscious soulpod. It can be like primary school all over again- who will be my first ‘real’ friends? (~an excerpt from ‘Soulshaping’)

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This is people ‘leading’ the country. Bizarre…..I just shake my head in disbelief….often.

What does it say about humanity, when ‘this’ is leading the country?

I SAW THIS COMING.  

I saw the dark triad traits that are so blatantly obvious to me, well before the pre-election lies were being told.

It just goes to show how easily manipulated people are.

How people will believe whatever they want…….to serve themselves.

And even now……there will be so many right wingers, all steadfastly holding onto believing Abbott is a healthy man, doing good.

*shakes head in disbelief.

I have a lot of my own stuff to work on, but I have insight into that and the courage to accept it, own it, deal with it.

Discernment into detecting dark triad traits, is a skill of mine.

It has happened and been proven correct, too many times over.

Apparently, I am supposed to ignore this and ‘look for the good’ in people like Abbott.

Is that wise?


Tony Abbott is haunted by his past self

Posted Tue at 4:32pmTue 2 Dec 2014, 4:32pm

Tony Abbott’s pursuit of Julia Gillard over broken promises set the benchmark for his own rule, applying a strait-jacket to each and every commitment he was to make, write Peter Lewis and Jackie Woods.

In an effort to haul his Government into dry-dock to clear the barnacles, Prime Minister Tony Abbott has exposed some fundamental structural flaws with his ship of state.

While the pretence of this week’s marathon press conference was to draw a line through a ‘ragged’ week, the reality is it has been a ragged year and a bit since the federal election.

The reason for these problems, highlighted in this week’s Essential Report, comes down to three key elements: the Coalition’s fundamentally negative election agenda, its incessant attack on Labor’s lies, and the construction of its first federal budget.

And the problem for the Prime Minister is that these are not discrete issues to be managed – they are flaws that feed into each other. Worse still, each of the flaws were incubated in opposition and have come back to haunt the government in power.

First, the Government’s agenda. Despite the Prime Minister being a self-styled conviction politician, voters don’t really seem to be sure what the conviction is. Tony Abbott rates poorly on vision, trust and being in touch with ordinary people.

Behind this confusion is the problem that Tony Abbott’s vision has been a negative one – articulated in opposition as stopping the boats, cutting the carbon and mining taxes, and reining in the debt.

There is no doubting the Coalition was successful in elevating these issues into vote-changers. It is also true that on boats and taxes at least, the government has delivered on those promises.

But in all three instances, the Coalition in opposition created problems that didn’t really have a significant impact on the lives of voters or the future of the nation: stopping asylum seekers did not get cars off the road, cutting the carbon tax has not significantly driven prices down, the mining tax was not collecting money anyway.

All three issues were symbolic issues – successfully transformed into matters of national import by the Opposition, but issues that have no bearing on the day-to-day lives of voters.

The second flaw was the way Tony Abbott ran on trust and the truth, a tried tactic in opposition, but one that this opposition leader evolved into political art.

Julia Gillard conceded she had changed her position on carbon pricing in the following terms: “Yes, I did say that and circumstances have changed.”

Abbott and his media cheer squad were unrelenting in response.

The PM was “Ju-liar” and the issue of dealing with the crisis of global warming was degraded into an issue of trust in Government.

But in setting these ground rules, the PM was also establishing the benchmark for his own rule, applying a strait-jacket to each and every commitment he was to make.

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