Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

New medication for insomnia.

Having not slept at all last night, and knowing my sleep issues getting worse, I realise I need medication. Even though I prefer to not take them.

I have a lot going on, which is all emotionally and mentally draining. Plus past trauma stuff still affecting me. So, my counsellor/doctor was good about it all, understanding why I have insomnia as a result.

So, I start the medication tonight and hope it is okay and I sleep.

My sleep issues, are getting worse. Awake all night. Again.


I’m really tired. not sleeping well. Insomnia is pretty bad. It’s been worsening over the last few months. Now, it’s pretty dire. I’ve been awake all night. That is becoming a regular situation. Going to have to go on medication, as I know I can’t fix this.

You can be doing everything you should be doing, and still have issues occurring. I realise this is subconscious issues about trauma I don’t want to think about, or talk about. I guess it’s grieving and I am mentally, emotionally overwhelmed, causing me to be physically drained and exhausted.   Continue reading


The joys of withdrawal from heavy duty meds….

I am aware going cold turkey with heavy duty anti-depressants, is not a good idea.

And neither is not taking them for 4 days, then having no script and then being off it a week. My self care rocks. Not.

I had the shaking and headaches, on Monday when I saw my doctor.

Sleep issues are back and have worsened….nausea….muscle pain worse….and I can handle physical pain…so I know it’s bad. It hurts to even move my head.

Haven’t slept all night….so tired too, which is not helping my mood.

Fed up.

Feel like crap.

Just read on medical websites that going cold turkey on Effexor….can be as hard on the body and brain…as withdrawing from hard drugs.

Well at least that validated how feeling like crap….is okay and part of withdrawal.


And the withdrawal issues, can last weeks, months, or even a year…..especially if you have been on it for an extended period of time, which I have….over 2 years.

Oh joy.

This woman talking about Effexor and withdrawal is interesting.

I am always more interested in hearing from those who have actually endured it.


This made me LOL! As a chronic insomnia sufferer, it is good to see the humour, when able.


I saw this on Facebook, and I nearly spat my coffee at my laptop screen!

It is good to see humour whenever possible.

Some days – nothing is funny, I am in too much emotional and psychological pain, to feel humour.

But, humour, when able to be felt, can make life far more bearable for those of us, that have suffered a lot.

And humour is good, as long as it is not narcissistic humour.


Doing what I am supposed to be doing….but in a completely numb, disconnected state.

I am aware, I am in a numb state, nearly all the time now.

Since the latest processing, of even deeper psychological harm caused me, that has affected my whole life…I just can’t deal with it. I was already suicidal prior to all this. I am past my limit now.

How do you process all the trauma, all the abusers and what they did, and then realise because of all they did, you have also been abusing yourself all this time, letting people harm you, by not staying away, putting yourself in dangerous situations, hanging around with abusive people.

I can’t even process the words – re-enacting abuse, masochism, compulsion to repeat trauma.

All this time, I’ve thought I was strong, a survivor…and all along I was hurting myself, over and over. Continuing what all the abusers started and letting more hurt me repeatedly.

I feel disconnected from everything and everyone. Continue reading

The term ‘Victim’ – has been turned into something ‘shameful’ – which is more abuse.

Society has done a really good job of turning the word ‘victim’ into something to be ‘shamed’ about.

Which is more abuse.

That’s what people targeted & conned by fakes, frauds, abusers, narcs, sociopaths, paedophiles, sex offenders and all types of abusers etc are…victims.

I have been a victim to many.

Now I am a survivor, but at the time I was being hurt/harmed/lied to – I was a victim. 

This is where a lack of empathy and lack of compassion, becomes very evident. Only people who lack these, choose to ‘shame’ victims/survivors of abuse. And this hurts and harms us more.

The word victim, is **nothing**

to be ashamed of.

Going to try magnesium, for sleep issues.


We talk about how much we’re getting and who we’re doing it with. We show off about where we’ve been doing it, from the couch to the beach, or even under a tree on a nice summer’s day. And you can always tell who isn’t getting any. I am, of course, talking about sleep. It’s a subject close to all our hearts, yet the joy of sleep remains elusive for many.

A quick search for ‘sleeping problems’ throws up over 152million results in Google. It is estimated that, each year, more than a third of us suffer from insomnia. Getting a good nights sleep is very simple in most cases yet, on countless initial consultations, clients report experiencing long-running problems spanning the course of many years.

“I saw one naturopath and he suggested I spray my pillow with lavender.” Guess what, this didn’t help.

“A different nutritionist advised me to stop using the laptop before bed.” A sensible move, and one that reduces UV exposure late in the evening, but the effects are marginal.

“My yoga teacher recommended that I do some deep breathing whenever I’m lying there awake.” It’s fair to say that deep breathing can definitely help relaxation, but I haven’t ever spoken to someone who changes from a chronic insomniac to perfect sleeper on the basis of their breathing patterns.

“I thought that maybe I should stop drinking coffee in the evening.” Cutting out the caffeine can help a lot, and many respond well to it. But this remains an adjunct, rather than a cure in itself.

“My doctor offered me anti-depressants.” The less said about this the better.

Never do I see suggestions for the one thing that, over 90 percent of the time, fixes the actual problem within 24 hours. This one thing is magnesium. A mineral found in low levels in many foods, it is a component of more than 325 different enzymes in the human body. It plays an important role in hydration, muscle relaxation, energy production and, crucially, the deactivation of adrenaline. Having sufficient magnesium in your body does not necessarily guarantee that you will go into a deep sleep quickly and stay there, but insufficient stores of the mineral guarantee that you won’t. And almost everyone I see is short of magnesium.

Continue reading