I have a love/hate relationship with being alone. I love being alone and I need it. The introvert, wise old soul part of me, that needs space and solitude. I also at times, feel desperately lonely.
Due to my past – I’ve only ever known unhealthy relationships, with unhealthy, self serving, shallow people.
I’ve completely given up on human interaction of the depth, integrity and honesty I need. I accept that due to all I have already endured, all I have learned as a result, I need non shallow, non superficial relationships, with depth, honesty, trust and that has never existed in my life.
I will spend the rest of my life alone – even if surrounded by people – and I know that. I face a life of having to be what other people want from me, but not having my needs met.
This reminds me of things my first counsellor (who I really miss) said to me… “you are someone who can always give far more to others, than people can give back to you”. And she said other things to me like how I had “completely outgrown the church I used to attend”. And how my “spiritual/faith progression was way past most”. I see how this also relates to emotional needs progression too. I realise she was saying that I have outgrown most people.