Whenever someone says there is only one way to deal with some kind of trauma, such as grieving the death of a loved one, I know I am dealing with someone lacking in insight and empathy.
There are many different ways people process grieving. And no-one can say which is right or wrong.
Black and white thinking about issues, is the mark of someone who has cognitively distorted thinking, and chooses to only see something one way and their way is the only way.
It is also harmful to tell people how they ‘should’ grieve, what grieving should look like and how long it should take.
Notice the word ‘should’. There is no should in rational, mature, deep thinking. ‘Should’ is a cognitive distortion of it’s own.
Telling someone how to grieve, also ‘shames’ people and makes them feel their pain and emotion are wrong. They are not wrong. Continue reading