Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


People ‘telling people’ how to grieve & there is only one way to grieve, lack empathy & insight.

stages-of-grief

Whenever someone says there is only one way to deal with some kind of trauma, such as grieving the death of a loved one, I know I am dealing with someone lacking in insight and empathy.

There are many different ways people process grieving. And no-one can say which is right or wrong.

Black and white thinking about issues, is the mark of someone who has cognitively distorted thinking, and chooses to only see something one way and their way is the only way.

It is also harmful to tell people how they ‘should’ grieve, what grieving should look like and how long it should take.

Notice the word ‘should’. There is no should in rational, mature, deep thinking. ‘Should’ is a cognitive distortion of it’s own.

Telling someone how to grieve, also ‘shames’ people and makes them feel their pain and emotion are wrong. They are not  wrong. Continue reading


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I realise my counselling, worsened my shame and trust issues.

Throughout my counselling, no validation or support about how the abuse I suffered was not my fault/blame/shame, was ever offered.

I had to ask recently, for it. After 3 years of counselling. It really is bizarre.

That combined with the continual opinions about abusers and how they ‘should’ be thought about being vocalised, and the continual forcing me to believe the way I think ‘isn’t good enough’, I realise now, made my journey harder.

I don’t believe (or at least I don’t want to) this was intentional, but many counsellors have their own agenda’s and their own personal reasons for needing to view people a certain way and that gets projected onto clients. Even when this is not in the clients best interests.

I do see absolutely clearly, how a counsellors role is to help a severe abuse/sexual abuse/child abuse/child sexual abuse, exploitation survivor…….. to feel safe and to know it wasn’t their fault. And that was never offered to me, until I recently asked for that validation. And I realise that in having to ask, it is too little, too late. Continue reading


And I’m back here again…. Sia ~ Breathe me

I can tell where this fear within me, is coming from.

All loss, is felt as abandonment and triggers those fears when I was a child.

I know how I am feeling and why, and that is good and I realise is self insight. And honesty.

But, it doesn’t mean I don’t feel the pain, just as intensely.


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Searching for a new counsellor. Ones that specialise in PTSD, Complex Trauma & Grieving.

I know that I need support, to deal with my PTSD and more importantly, all the issues I am dealing with, in my marriage, and possibly needing to get divorced.

I know I cannot deal with this on my own, and I definitely won’t be seeking ‘church people’ based counselling, because church people all too often get it so wrong, when it comes to abuse, abusers and how to deal with it.

I absolutely do not want to have to go through starting again with another counsellor.

I absolutely do not want to have to talk about my trauma and any details.

I just need appropriate support to get me through stress I am currently dealing with and stress I will be facing. Continue reading


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Waves of grieving, ebb and flow… and will do for the rest of my life.

Holding out until everyone is in bed, so I can cry, in peace. I am able to control when I grieve, without suppressing my needed emotions.

Grieving is not pleasant.

Especially when you have so much to grieve about and the list keeps getting longer.

And the grieving you are doing, is not understood by others and they don’t realise how painful it is.

I have my entire lifetime to grieve, all the child abuse, an entire childhood of abuse, all the adult abuse, all the abusers – sociopaths, psychopaths, paedophiles, narcissists, all the relationships where I loved people – that are now dead to me, all my lifestyle issues that were as a result of the abuse, harming myself subconsciously, all the good relationships I never had, ending up in bad marriages, ending up married to someone with a personality disorder and knowing I am not loved, and now the loss of my therapy relationship and the issues there.

It’s a lot to grieve.

And it really fucking hurts.

So badly.

And sadly, not one of these people, cares at all. None of them care that I am grieving.

They all just care about themselves.

They never cared about me.

sadness


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Some people can only travel through your life for a little while, but can’t stay.

I choose to see some relationships that break down, as ones where either I have outgrown them, or they have beliefs I believe to be unhealthy and harmful to my soul, so I need to move on.

It is easier to see it this way, because when I care about people, I really care about them and those feelings don’t just disappear if they do something that is not okay. Because my care and love for people, is real.

But, I have learned I cannot tolerate people’s disordered and unhealthy stuff, because ‘that’ is always how I get hurt.

I have to care about some people from a distance, grieve and get through it, like all loss.

It hurts, but depending on the situation, and if I don’t think there is any malice involved – I would rather hold onto just accepting, that they were someone who travelled though my life for a little while, but can’t stay. And be thankful for whatever was good, while they were in my life.

And I completely accept that people may also feel this way about me. I can also travel through someone’s life for a little while, and they will have reasons to need me to no longer be a part of their life.

And both, are absolutely okay.

That’s life.


“Loss of a therapist feels like death”. Validation, that it hurts and is painful grieving.

ends/page/2#commentshttp://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/dear-gt/grieving-end-of-therapy-relationship

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Grief–Loss/leaving-my-therapist-feels-like-a-death/show/994773

http://www.dailystrength.org/health_blogs/cyndi/article/attachment-to-a-therapist-when-treatment-ends/page/2#comments


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My counsellor said I looked sad…….I am. I’m still grieving.

A post to my page, to validate anyone else, who is grieving.

I read in a book about trauma, and I have had it clarified in counselling, that I will always be grieving all my trauma, but it will lesson over time.


grief

Grieving trauma/abuse, is normal and needed.

At times, I have great waves of grieving rise up and fill me with such intense sadness.

My life has been so horrible, so painful, in so many ways and all the past trauma’s, still impacts my life, in ways I have no control over. My trauma is not in the past, because the consequences of my past trauma, have affected things that are still in my life.

And I am grieving, what I know I won’t have, that I have never had, and it is very painful to accept.

This sadness and grieving, is literally immobilizing and renders me incapable of much else. And it feels exhausting.

I have to lie down and just cry, or try to sleep and just know it will pass and these waves of grieving are normal.

Trauma, abuse, pain….all needs to be grieved. And for me, every layer of all the prolonged and multiple trauma’s I peel away and understand in a deeper way, means deeper and added grieving.

If you have these painful waves of grieving, please know I understand and it is all part of this needed and normal process.