Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

The First Time, Ever I Saw Your Face ~ Roberta Flack

The first 5 lines of this song, are for my children. I always think of them, and my deep love for them. And I will love them, until the end of time.

The rest of the song, with regard to a partner, I have no idea what that feels like. I’ve never had a relationship with a healthy man. And I’ve accepted I won’t. I’m married. And if I am ever not married, I doubt I will have another relationship with a man. There are some wounds too deep. I’ve accepted that too.

This song reduces me to tears, every time I listen to it.

I love Roberta Flack. The emotion in her voice, is incredible. Her talent is incredible.


The first time, ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark, and the endless skies Continue reading

Poem – Unrequited Love. Hurts ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

unrequited love hurts

I dream of you often

At night

In the day.


My love for you,

Not reciprocated

I know and feel

This all too well.


But my love is not

Dependent on yours

As true love never is.


I want what I cannot have

It hurts my heart.

Tears fall.


You cannot be

What I want you to be.

My heart sighs. Continue reading


I’d do anything to have a hug from someone who doesn’t want something from me.

They say hugging is good medicine, but I wouldn’t know. I’ve never had anyone who cares about me in a genuine way. Hugs have always been about wanting something from me, from my body, or to make themselves feel better.

I’d like to know what a hug that is genuine, caring, about love, feels like. For me.

I know I do crave loving human contact.

Continue reading

A woman can only feel comfortable with a man she feels safe with, trusts & knows genuinely cares.


This applies to intelligent women., who understand what a healthy relationships is meant to be and feel like.

If you don’t feel safe with your partner, you can’t trust them and your partner is not your friend and doesn’t care about you, then you are in an unhealthy relationship.


My children are my priority, so my wellbeing is a priority.

My responsibilities as a mother, to love for and raise my children to be the type of adults I know they can be, is my 1st responsibility.

That is above my husbands issues, and anyone else’s issues.

I now prioritise my wellbeing, because it is *vital* to the wellbeing of my children, and they need me to be strong.

I have no guilt over this anymore.

And as the wonderful Mother Teresa once said, if you want the world to be a more loving place, start by going home and loving your family.

She also said this…..



9 Signs It’s Time To Let Go Of A Relationship….


Well as per this list, I should definitely be moving on. I have made all the parts that are issues in my marriage, bold.

Here are 9 signs it’s time to let go and move on

1. The person unremittingly breaks your trust.

There is a reason that trust is number one – because trust is the most important in each and every kind of relationship. Trust is the foundation upon which a relationship is built, and it is mistrust which often destroys it. Nothing weakens a relationship more than being deceitful.

Something to understand – when you trust someone and they continuously break your trust, it’s not your fault it’s theirs. It’s very natural to immediately blame yourself for having trusted someone only to have them break that trust, but don’t.

It’s only through experience where we determine whether or not someone is trustworthy; either way, you’ll learn a valuable lesson or add a great relationship.

2. The person is incessantly needy.

A good relationship is one in which you can depend on someone or vice-versa. However, too much dependence is a sign of neediness. This is a problem because neediness drains you of your time and energy, including the time and energy necessary to maintain other relationships and take care of yourself.

People that are incessantly needy always seem to be coming to you – for pampering, favors, money, praise, or something else. You may begin to feel that the person is an emotional ball and chain. If a relationship begins to feel this way, it may be time to reconsider why you have a relationship like this in the first place.

3. You change who you are around that person.

You should never feel the need to be another person just to accommodate someone. It’s exhausting first of all, and it is a telltale sign that the relationship is not consensual. There is some element of that individual that does not jive with the person you are.

Whether or not the person verbalizes their dissatisfaction with you or you innately know that you must change in order for them to accept you doesn’t matter. What matters is that you do not feel comfortable being yourself, which shouldn’t be acceptable to you under any circumstance.

4. You don’t feel positive after talking to or seeing them.

A positive relationship should mostly be uplifting. Sure, there are going to be some rough patches along the way, but it’s mostly a constructive experience. You should be accepting of each other, supportive and responsive.

If you hit a point where the positive aspects of the relationship are sporadic, it may be time to move on. You may actually come to a point where you actually attempt to avoid the person, while hoping to maintain the relationship. This may sound crazy, but people do it all the time. “Maybe it’ll get better” they think to themselves. Perhaps, but then it’s not a normal, functioning, or healthy relationship.

Continue reading

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Yes, I am a Christian, and yes I love my LGBT friends too……a bit of a shock for some to hear….

Whenever secular (often atheists) people want to criticise Christians, they usually like to shame you first off with the assumption that you must be one of those right wing, no empathy, do not model Christ ‘anti-LGBT’ types of church people…

Well guess what…….you assumed wrongly peeps, I love LGBT people……just as much as heterosexual people….and SO DOES GOD!!!

That kinda takes the wind out their ‘I want to hate on you because you are a Christian’ sails…

I don’t go to church. Not that I am against decent churches……I just feel my ministry is not in a church, with church people…..my ministry is out in secular society…….modelling – or trying to – being a light for Jesus, by loving all.

I don’t fit into churches……I don’t feel the need to be in one…..maybe that will change……..never say never. But any church I ever attend in the future……..would actually have to be and feel and act like a church.

I lived in secular society all my life…….and actually met some far more wonderful people there……than I ever did in a church. And I am so aware of how badly church people often deal with many issues.

Including how they hurt and push away LGBT people. Which is so wrong.

For now, I am happy to chat and talk and be within secular society, and just try and model some compassion, some non hatred stuff, some honesty…..mixed up with a bit of humour….

And I know Jesus does His job, of drawing in those with willing hearts.

It’s not my job to bring people to Jesus………that’s Jesus’ job……..and I have absolutely no ego to believe that I can ever bring anyone to Jesus.

My motto is the same as the amazing Gosford Anglican Church, who promote such empathic values……

“Church people……some people are gay……get over it…….love God”.



How to Take a Stand While Turning the Other Cheek

“Being willing speak up for your beliefs

is a part of what it means to love”

I agree with this article, there are far too many church people, ignoring wrongs, and excusing that as ‘mercy’, ‘grace’.

All that is – is lack of courage and spiritual integrity.

From this article  Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/god/practical-faith/how-take-stand-while-turning-other-cheek#JsyUqAIRG5vzFLT0.99

The Mistake of Dismissing the Public Value of Ideas

We have too easily conflated the defense of ideas with the polarized culture of cable news debates and social media screeds. Those who debate ideas seem to always be judgmental, bitter and cranky, but we forget how central the advancement of ideas has been to the history of the Church. Indeed, much of Jesus’ ministry was about overturning false ideas that had become conventional wisdom.

This is perhaps most clear in the Beatitudes, where Jesus first confronts false or incomplete ideas (“You have heard…”), and moves to directly contest that idea with a new one. “You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.’ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”

Yes, becoming a disciple of Jesus is about much more than acquiescence to a list of doctrinal truths, but discipleship includes the transforming of our minds.

Just think of all of the great art, literature and activism that would not exist without Christians committed to the defense and advocacy of Christian truths. There would be no Wilberforce or King to fight slavery. No C.S. Lewis or G.K. Chesterton to inspire and educate us about orthodoxy or the foundations of our faith. As Christians, we must take the life of the mind—our mind and that of others—seriously.