It is surreal that I am now researching info, on how to survive a marriage with a narcissist.

My husband is narcissistic, possibly sociopathic. He lies frequently, manipulates, is selfish, no empathy, no remorse, no guilt, sulks, is sarcastic, has tantrums, makes me feel like I need to walk on egg shells around him, gaslights, has rage when challenged, supplies me with alcohol to get sex, makes me feel unsafe, gets nasty when annoyed, is completely untrustworthy…. the list goes on.

And yes, he has other stuff, he is a good father mostly – he does spend time with our children, does homework with them, he does work and provides for his family and he does do stuff around the house, he cooks, does washing etc.

But, in no way does the good things he does, make up for all the rest.

And it is only due to my children, that I am still in this marriage.

And yes, some people will say I am supposed to love him as he is, but that should not include unconditionally accepting abuse. And those who believe it should, are abusive themselves. And need to shut up.

I am a complex trauma survivor …… and I know I was manipulated with lies by omission at the start of this relationship, with a fake version of who he is presented, and by the time I knew all the real stuff about him, it was too late, because I already had a child.

Now, I realise all of this and I know I have been manipulated, lied to and emotionally abused, for 15 years.

There are reasons I am still in this relationship, mostly due to my children and I get that other people won’t understand this and will expect me to be stronger and do what ‘they’ believe I should do, despite the fact that I have no physical and practical support in my life.

I guess it’s good and bad, that I am so used to being abused.

Is your partner a narcissist? …….. I couldn’t read them all. Highlights all my emotional self harming.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-legacy-distorted-love/201412/is-your-partner-narcissist-here-are-50-ways-tell?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

So depressing.

My husbands traits……. all listed out……. one after another.

I got to the lying and manipulating and had to stop.

This just highlights how much self harming I have done in my life.

Way too many narcissistic and sociopathic people.

All to hurt me more.

Thanks mother – you did your best to fuck up my life and you succeeded. You taught me how to accept abuse, believe I deserve it and deserve noting else and to keep hurting myself, the way you enjoyed inflicting.

“Blessed is … this Union”. It’s the church way …… to believe some abuse, is okay.

Abuse, in any form – is okay – or neutral …. the messages I have received all my life and I still am.

It’s society’s way……. the church way……. child abuse is okay, abuse in marriage is okay, spiritual abuse is okay.

And of course the victim is the problem, the issue. The victim needs to stay quiet. And it is always the victim fault.

In fact – to call themselves a victim, is being pathetic and acting a victim. Just suck it up and get over it already and be nice to the abusers – they are nice/good people really, they are the ones who deserve the compassion and good/positive labels, not the victims.

It’s love, compassion, mercy, grace….. to condone and accept abuse…….. is the church way.

Great article about the demise of the narcissistic/sociopathic Mark Driscoll.

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/121138/mark-driscoll-and-macho-christianity

Bully, troll, misogynist, narcissistic, sociopathic, abuser, liar, fraud….

I already knew the likes of John Piper and Mark Driscoll are not Christians.

I have already blogged about these two, well before the shit hit the fan about their abusive views and abusive behaviours.

I was right all along and I am aware of how my spiritual progression is deep and how I don’t follow along like a sheep like many, or tolerate what I know is wrong.

Mark Driscoll is now the disgraced man, who proved himself to be an abuser, abused many, even trolling online in a fake name.

John Piper is now being told he is wrong for condoning domestic violence in marriages.

People should be asking themselves – if they can get this SO wrong – if they are SO far from understanding who God is, and are promoting such ungodly and dark views and therefore serving Satan ………. what else do they have so wrong?

This won’t be the only issues they have and how they have wrongly interpreted the Bible and God’s nature wrongly.

Believe me, these men do not know God.

They do not know God’s pure perfect nature and perfect love.

They are so far from knowing God and yet millions can’t see that – so blind to the truth.

Glad to see someone saying John Piper is wrong! I always knew his mind is abusive and those who follow him.

Thank you to John Dickson again and Canon Sandy Grant is the Senior Minister of St Michael’s Anglican Cathedral, Wollongong for raising this.

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The American pastor John Piper was wrong when he suggested a wife might “endure perhaps being smacked one night”, before seeking help “from the church”. Victims of domestic violence should be encouraged to seek help from the police and others too, and to get to a safe place.

Of course, domestic abuse can occur whether the theory you espouse is ‘traditional’, ‘egalitarian’ or ‘feminist’. But whatever you understand when the Bible talks of ‘submission’ or being the “head in a marriage“, it’s crystal clear that husbands are never told to make their wives submit.

The church should support that. It is not disloyal to your spouse to raise concerns about such behaviour with a pastor or trusted friend.

I’m with my former Moore College Principal and Archbishop, Peter Jensen, when he said that to use the terminology of the Bible or our prayer book marriage vows, “as an excuse to demand slave-like servility, or even to engage in physical and emotional bullying, is to misuse it utterly and no wife should feel spiritually obliged to accept such treatment.”

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And for all you Baptists out there, who also follow along with John Piper’s abusive and wrong interpretations of the Bible – which are ‘not’ just about this issue – shame on you.

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/for-christians-who-missed-the-memo-the-bible-abhors-all-domestic-abuse-20150303-13tlwn.html

The man who studies everyday evil. Explains my husband.

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20150130-the-man-who-studies-evil?ocid=global_future_rss

When I read this – the triple whammy of dark triads traits – selfishness, manipulation and unkind – this describes my husband.

He is completely selfish, very manipulative and very unkind – with a deficit of empathy, remorse, guilt, conscience.

He has zero remorse for anything that he has done wrong in life…… all the affairs behind his ex wife’s back, screwing his own auntie, all the lies he tells – and he admits to the ones I know about and has no remorse – just lots of excuses or a tough luck attitude. Lying by omission, projecting, gas-lighting etc.

No empathy for anything I have endured. I have told him things a few times – about being me being raped, including as a child – and there is no emotional response at all – he just looks at me – blankly, waits for me stop talking and then continues watching the TV.

That is so far from normal.

He’s manipulating my emotions, by letting me know frequently enough about the ‘only’ cop ‘friend’ he talks about – Sue. And lets me know how close they are, how they talk about their personal lives. In his covertly narcissistic way, he wants me to feel threatened and anxious as to what may be going on there, knowing as I do, that he is a serial adulterer, and has no remorse and lies, denies, lies by omission.

And when I tell him how this causes me such anxiety and stress, he has no empathy and has no awareness of why this is an issues to me, but is only bothered, by me telling him that what he does is wrong.

His only emotions are for self, in particular ones about being defensive, and narcissistic injury.

He enjoys TV programs that are about people getting hurt and laughs at them a lot, like that very immature and horrible TV show Ridiculousness, that I have now banned my 12 year old from watching. He likes shows/movies with a lot of low morality issues, lots of sex and nudity, and about psychopaths – James Bond movies are his favourite. And sarcasm, anything with lots of sarcasm.

Today, he gave me the sneering threat of telling me I will end up homeless on the streets, without him and his income.

I hate myself, for ending up this ^^^^ as the father of my children and my husband.

It makes me cringe and want to go and shower and scrub myself raw, to know how many times I have had sex with that.

Glad to see the info I am sharing about abuse in churches, being shared by Christians.

http://paper.li/FaithChangers/1344830010

More info about abuse in church people’s marriages, I am so glad to see this being raised!!

http://www.smh.com.au/comment/doctrine-of-headship-a-distortion-of-the-gospel-message-of-mutual-love-and-respect-20150227-13q2xc.html

(I always knew anything from John Piper, was abusive and I have blogged about that….)

The church should be a haven from domestic violence but power imbalances remain for many worshippers badly affected by abusive relationships.

“What should a wife’s submission to her husband look like if he is an abuser?” asks American evangelical pastor Reverend John Piper in a Youtube video.

Well, he says, that depends on the kind of abuse.

No wife should feel spiritually obliged to accept such treatment. 

Archbishop Peter Jensen

If a man is asking his wife to engage in something “bizarre” like group sex, Dr. Piper says she should say: “Honey I want so much to follow you as my leader. God calls me to do that and I would love to do that. But if you ask me to do this then I can’t go there.” What about other situations? If it is “simply hurting her”, then she should “endure verbal abuse for a season”, and “endure perhaps being smacked one night”, before seeking “help from the church.” Not the police, who might be able to point out assault is illegal, or ensure the woman is safe.

It is an astonishing response from an influential man who is a reformed theologian and pastor, often cited in local Anglican media. He was also a guest at the annual Katoomba Christian Convention in 2011 – two years after he made those remarks.

A woman can only feel comfortable with a man she feels safe with, trusts & knows genuinely cares.

This applies to intelligent women., who understand what a healthy relationships is meant to be and feel like.

If you don’t feel safe with your partner, you can’t trust them and your partner is not your friend and doesn’t care about you, then you are in an unhealthy relationship.