My husband is narcissistic, possibly sociopathic. He lies frequently, manipulates, is selfish, no empathy, no remorse, no guilt, sulks, is sarcastic, has tantrums, makes me feel like I need to walk on egg shells around him, gaslights, has rage when challenged, supplies me with alcohol to get sex, makes me feel unsafe, gets nasty when annoyed, is completely untrustworthy…. the list goes on.
And yes, he has other stuff, he is a good father mostly – he does spend time with our children, does homework with them, he does work and provides for his family and he does do stuff around the house, he cooks, does washing etc.
But, in no way does the good things he does, make up for all the rest.
And it is only due to my children, that I am still in this marriage.
And yes, some people will say I am supposed to love him as he is, but that should not include unconditionally accepting abuse. And those who believe it should, are abusive themselves. And need to shut up.
I am a complex trauma survivor …… and I know I was manipulated with lies by omission at the start of this relationship, with a fake version of who he is presented, and by the time I knew all the real stuff about him, it was too late, because I already had a child.
Now, I realise all of this and I know I have been manipulated, lied to and emotionally abused, for 15 years.
There are reasons I am still in this relationship, mostly due to my children and I get that other people won’t understand this and will expect me to be stronger and do what ‘they’ believe I should do, despite the fact that I have no physical and practical support in my life.
I guess it’s good and bad, that I am so used to being abused.