Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I want a drama free life. And that means staying away from drama.

I choose a chaos free life and choose to only engage with people who also want a drama/chaos free life. I am enjoying being with chaos free people, who have maturity, insight and healthy boundaries.

Choices need to be made and we each decide if they improve quality of life, or not. Maturity is about making wise choices, having healthy boundaries, taking responsibility for our own lives, thoughts and actions.

No-one else can create a more peaceful and healthy life, but self.

drama 4

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The fruits of growth. And how I love parables, symbolism, metaphors, allegories, etc.

I could write a book on all I have learned about gardening and the parallels between plants, growth, and people.

I have learned my plants need feeding well, and often. Otherwise they do not mature into the beautiful plants they have the potential to be. Plants need feeding well, to develop good strong roots, to blossom, to produce flowers and fruit.

And this feeding, when I draw parallels to people, is not about food. It is about what people absorb, learn, are they learning, what advice and external influences they take in. What feeds their soul and is it healthy, or not. Does it feed darkness, ego, negative aspects of personality. Or does it feed them in a healthy way.

People need feeding, in order to grow. In order to blossom. In order to yield fruit and beautiful flowers, of virtues some of which I also relate the Bible being the fruits of the spirit.

I see these fruits are only developed in people, when there is sufficient courage, humility and willingness, to grow.

Plants need this and rely on it from external sources. People need to feed themselves, it cannot to be done purely by others. There has to be sufficient willingness and courage, to be fed by all that is required, to grow and mature.

There are many types of plants. Like strong trees with good roots. Their bark is gnarly, weathered and old, but with beautiful branches and leaves. and I see these as the wise old souls. I see people like this, the bark representing the challenges and difficulties faced in growing through all kinds of weathers, but strong and beautiful as a result.

Some plants are beautiful and grow, some are needy, but good too. And capable of growth, only if fed well.

Some plants are okay, but have thorns and can be prickly. Need to be careful around them.

Some are considered weeds, but are in fact beautiful. Just a little different and need to be loved.

Some people are like horrible weeds gardeners hate. Sucking the life out of other plants (people). Selfish and uncompromising in their needs. They need to be kept separated from the other plants, or they kill them at their roots and take over. The emotional vampires of the plant world.

Some being beautiful on the outside, but are poison on the inside. And need to be kept well away from. But people can be charmed by their outer façade. And get infected, hurt and even killed by them, if unaware of what truly lies on the inside.

My tomato plants remind me how careful I need to be and I use organic soil, organic feed and they continually yield lots of tasty lovely fruit, that is a delight. If I fed them chemicals and yucky stuff, the tomatoes would be filled with this also and not be good.

I am also reminded of the Bible, and the Parable of the Sower.  Continue reading

Beautiful walk this morning, with some lovely mature ladies.

I decided to join some ladies who walk around some really lovely lakes. I won’t go walking on my own, as it doesn’t feel safe, so to walk with other women, is great.

The sun was shining, the lakes glistening, wildlife and fauna stunning. So beautiful and I take notice of all that. I appreciate all the many beautiful things around me and focus on being mindful of it all. And have gratitude for it all.

The two ladies know each other and they were chatting, and their conversations were interesting and mature. I definitely relate more to people who are mature and/or older. One volunteers and was talking about a refugee family who had such an interesting life story and she found that interesting to listen to. She enjoys volunteering and meeting all different types of people. That was good to hear. The other lady is a nurse and she seemed mature and interesting too. So, I listened to them chatting, asked a few questions, didn’t say too much, but said enough to join in. They asked me a few questions too and seemed interested in hearing about me.

They are also planning to attend pilates once a week and let me know where, and the time would fit in with me if I wanted to join them. It’s at a time that doesn’t conflict with my children or husbands shifts.

They are nice ladies and invited me to message them about walking and pilates.

It was a truly lovely start to my day. Continue reading

Never diminish yourself, for those who refuse to grow – Lilly Hope Lucario


This is a beautiful iris growing in my garden.

It reminds me of growth, and how beautiful growth is.

And how others may try to diminish that growth. Or some diminish their own growth, for others and feel that beauty should not be seen. Which is wrong. Continue reading

The ego, is a pesky critter, that prevents learning, growth, maturity.

I see so clearly how many people are unteachable and have egos that need to be protected at all costs. They cannot face being ‘wrong’ and as such do not learn, grow or mature, until they face this issue.

Most adults think they know it all and whatever they are thinking, however they are behaving, must be okay. Little self reflection, little self honesty, little humility.

And this is why I feel like I am often with children/teenagers, in adult bodies. And that ego state, continues on, throughout adulthood for many people. I also see a lot of hurt inner children, walking around in adult bodies. Acting in bizarre ways, that reflect their inner pain, they often then project onto others. Continue reading


Taking a break from my personal Facebook.

blogging break

I stopped using Facebook for quite a while, for various reasons and I enjoyed the long break. I started using it again a few months ago, only for personal friends and those currently in my life.

But, I feel a little break is needed, for several reasons. Which are not needed to be hashed out. We all need to do what’s best for our lives and I have learned that is necessary for me too. My friends will keep in contact by other means.

Social media, is a not an imperative need in life. Not mine, anyway. Not in my personal life. I want to live in real life.

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I agree with Meryl Streep, I don’t identify with being a feminist, but instead a humanist.


Meryl Streep has a level of maturity that not everyone will understand. I relate to a lot of her thoughts. I love how she shuns the celebrity, Hollywood lifestyle and lives on a ranch.

Meryl is an incredible actor, deep deep depths of empathy capacity, to be as incredible as she is, in her ability to play so many roles.

I’ve written before, I am a humanist. I want equality, but not at the cost of being an angry person Continue reading


I don’t demand people agree with my views, but I do have standards I require from people in my life.

People who are not mature in their emotional development, demand others agree with them. I don’t. I expect many people to disagree with my views, because I don’t follow along with the masses. Immature people believe we should tolerate anything. I don’t. The wise know what is to be tolerated and what isn’t. The wise know what is contributing to and encouraging all the problems occurring in this world. And those with integrity and empathy, don’t ignore this.

People will demand non tolerance for some behaviours, is judgment. People always use that go to label, when they hear something different to what they want to believe, that causes cognitive dissonance. I am at that stage where I don’t care whether someone may be ‘judging me’. I’m past that now.

I do insist on those in my life having standards that mean they do not consistently harm others and are not illegal. And I will speak up against harm caused to others and society’s shallow needs, because I see the bigger picture issues. I don’t only see and care about how something affects me. I see the many layered issues of situations. Continue reading

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Delighted with a gift of a cubic metre of garden mulch :)

I’ve never been someone who needs materialistic gifts, or grandiose offerings. I don’t need or want expensive jewellery. I don’t want money wasted on items that won’t last, or are meaningless to me. I don’t need or want grandiose offerings.

I’ve never chosen gold jewellery, preferring silver. I would happily wear fake diamonds, I don’t want real ones. I do not want to follow the sheep and ‘have to have’ the latest xyz. I don’t wear brand clothing. I don’t care about fashion, or whatever is the latest, newest trend. To me, it’s all a waste of money. We don’t waste money on bought shop cards. I’m happy and content to have a cheap meal out to celebrate an anniversary and would prefer that, to some flash restaurant. I buy cheap clothes and cheap jewellery and love op-shopping.

And it’s not because I am tight with money. I am a really giving person, who loves to think of thoughtful gifts for others. I gave two plants to a friend the other day, because I know she loves plants and is new at gardening like myself. I choose to consider thoughtful gifts. I’m often giving stuff away to people who need it more. I also love to give my time, heart, energy and thought, to people, as this matters more than materialistic items. I also donate fortnightly to charities and want volunteer. There are many ways to ‘give’ to others.

There is a lot I have never really needed, that I have always known for me is meaningless. I want it even less now. I want the more thoughtful, bigger picture, deeper stuff.

I don’t ‘need’ ‘stuff’ to boost my self esteem, or to validate my identity, or worth. And I do not care about image or what others think of me, in terms of shallow focusses. Continue reading

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When you know you are making the right life path choices. Great article I relate to.


I have gained great insight into ‘Old Souls’ from Loner Wolf and have blogged about their writings before. I relate to much of their insight. It is helpful for me to be reminded by those with similar insight and souls, of the path we choose to take. Not for any other reason than we know we must, we have matured past the shallow focusses of our immature, materialistic, image, success, ego driven society.

From the above link…

What Does a Truly Satisfying Life Path Look Like?

Have you ever stopped to consider what an authentically satisfying life path looks like to you? Perhaps it has to do with career advancement, marital success, riches, fame, or perhaps even enlightenment. Before you can really answer the question “How do I know that I’m pursuing the right life path?” you must be able to envision what your ideal life path would look like.

Perhaps you will be a passionate writer who immigrates to Thailand and lives off the internet? Perhaps you will be a well-known and highly respected psychologist who gets to holiday twice a year? Perhaps you will be a happy housewife that lives by the ocean making soap to sell on the side? Perhaps you will live off the grid and be self-sustained and free to do whatever you desire?

Once you have envisioned your ideal life ask yourself, “Will I always find this path satisfying or fulfilling?” Inevitably you will find the answer is realistically, “I don’t know!” or “Maybe,” but the truth is that you can’t predict how you will feel, what you will think, or what you will desire in the future. While one particular path might appeal to you today, this year or this decade, in the future you might have changed your mind many times.

So then, if you can’t really predict whether you will always be satisfied by One Particular Path, you must realize that such an ideal is unrealistic. By embracing the impermanence and unpredictability of life we allow ourselves to be free from the pain of expectations, desires and attachments. Therefore, don’t fall for the misconception that there is only “One” life path. In fact, there are many, and this realization should take a lot of weight off your shoulders.

How to Tell Whether You’re Wasting Your Life or Not

Subjectively life can be wasted in a number of different ways, namely through:

  • Addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, etc.).
  • Enslavement to money/status/material gain.
  • Misplaced loyalty (e.g. to dead-end jobs, dishonest/abusive partners).
  • Action without feeling, also known as dutiful living (to family, partners, corporations, nations, etc.).
  • Doing what everyone else says or what is socially “acceptable,” but not doing what you authentically want.
  • Pleasing everyone else but yourself.

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