Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I want a drama free life. And that means staying away from drama.

I choose a chaos free life and choose to only engage with people who also want a drama/chaos free life. I am enjoying being with chaos free people, who have maturity, insight and healthy boundaries.

Choices need to be made and we each decide if they improve quality of life, or not. Maturity is about making wise choices, having healthy boundaries, taking responsibility for our own lives, thoughts and actions.

No-one else can create a more peaceful and healthy life, but self.

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The fruits of growth. And how I love parables, symbolism, metaphors, allegories, etc.

I could write a book on all I have learned about gardening and the parallels between plants, growth, and people.

I have learned my plants need feeding well, and often. Otherwise they do not mature into the beautiful plants they have the potential to be. Plants need feeding well, to develop good strong roots, to blossom, to produce flowers and fruit.

And this feeding, when I draw parallels to people, is not about food. It is about what people absorb, learn, are they learning, what advice and external influences they take in. What feeds their soul and is it healthy, or not. Does it feed darkness, ego, negative aspects of personality. Or does it feed them in a healthy way.

People need feeding, in order to grow. In order to blossom. In order to yield fruit and beautiful flowers, of virtues some of which I also relate the Bible being the fruits of the spirit.

I see these fruits are only developed in people, when there is sufficient courage, humility and willingness, to grow.

Plants need this and rely on it from external sources. People need to feed themselves, it cannot to be done purely by others. There has to be sufficient willingness and courage, to be fed by all that is required, to grow and mature.

There are many types of plants. Like strong trees with good roots. Their bark is gnarly, weathered and old, but with beautiful branches and leaves. and I see these as the wise old souls. I see people like this, the bark representing the challenges and difficulties faced in growing through all kinds of weathers, but strong and beautiful as a result.

Some plants are beautiful and grow, some are needy, but good too. And capable of growth, only if fed well.

Some plants are okay, but have thorns and can be prickly. Need to be careful around them.

Some are considered weeds, but are in fact beautiful. Just a little different and need to be loved.

Some people are like horrible weeds gardeners hate. Sucking the life out of other plants (people). Selfish and uncompromising in their needs. They need to be kept separated from the other plants, or they kill them at their roots and take over. The emotional vampires of the plant world.

Some being beautiful on the outside, but are poison on the inside. And need to be kept well away from. But people can be charmed by their outer façade. And get infected, hurt and even killed by them, if unaware of what truly lies on the inside.

My tomato plants remind me how careful I need to be and I use organic soil, organic feed and they continually yield lots of tasty lovely fruit, that is a delight. If I fed them chemicals and yucky stuff, the tomatoes would be filled with this also and not be good.

I am also reminded of the Bible, and the Parable of the Sower.  Continue reading


Beautiful walk this morning, with some lovely mature ladies.

I decided to join some ladies who walk around some really lovely lakes. I won’t go walking on my own, as it doesn’t feel safe, so to walk with other women, is great.

The sun was shining, the lakes glistening, wildlife and fauna stunning. So beautiful and I take notice of all that. I appreciate all the many beautiful things around me and focus on being mindful of it all. And have gratitude for it all.

The two ladies know each other and they were chatting, and their conversations were interesting and mature. I definitely relate more to people who are mature and/or older. One volunteers and was talking about a refugee family who had such an interesting life story and she found that interesting to listen to. She enjoys volunteering and meeting all different types of people. That was good to hear. The other lady is a nurse and she seemed mature and interesting too. So, I listened to them chatting, asked a few questions, didn’t say too much, but said enough to join in. They asked me a few questions too and seemed interested in hearing about me.

They are also planning to attend pilates once a week and let me know where, and the time would fit in with me if I wanted to join them. It’s at a time that doesn’t conflict with my children or husbands shifts.

They are nice ladies and invited me to message them about walking and pilates.

It was a truly lovely start to my day. Continue reading


Never diminish yourself, for those who refuse to grow – Lilly Hope Lucario

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This is a beautiful iris growing in my garden.

It reminds me of growth, and how beautiful growth is.

And how others may try to diminish that growth. Or some diminish their own growth, for others and feel that beauty should not be seen. Which is wrong. Continue reading


The ego, is a pesky critter, that prevents learning, growth, maturity.

I see so clearly how many people are unteachable and have egos that need to be protected at all costs. They cannot face being ‘wrong’ and as such do not learn, grow or mature, until they face this issue.

Most adults think they know it all and whatever they are thinking, however they are behaving, must be okay. Little self reflection, little self honesty, little humility.

And this is why I feel like I am often with children/teenagers, in adult bodies. And that ego state, continues on, throughout adulthood for many people. I also see a lot of hurt inner children, walking around in adult bodies. Acting in bizarre ways, that reflect their inner pain, they often then project onto others. Continue reading


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Taking a break from my personal Facebook.

blogging break

I stopped using Facebook for quite a while, for various reasons and I enjoyed the long break. I started using it again a few months ago, only for personal friends and those currently in my life.

But, I feel a little break is needed, for several reasons. Which are not needed to be hashed out. We all need to do what’s best for our lives and I have learned that is necessary for me too. My friends will keep in contact by other means.

Social media, is a not an imperative need in life. Not mine, anyway. Not in my personal life. I want to live in real life.

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I agree with Meryl Streep, I don’t identify with being a feminist, but instead a humanist.

http://www.people.com/article/meryl-streep-humanist-not-feminist

Meryl Streep has a level of maturity that not everyone will understand. I relate to a lot of her thoughts. I love how she shuns the celebrity, Hollywood lifestyle and lives on a ranch.

Meryl is an incredible actor, deep deep depths of empathy capacity, to be as incredible as she is, in her ability to play so many roles.

I’ve written before, I am a humanist. I want equality, but not at the cost of being an angry person Continue reading