Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Music continues to be my company.

My husband works shifts, so I spend most evenings alone. I like my own company, but as I don’t watch much TV, I listen to music a lot.

Music has always kept me company during the many, many years I have been alone. Since being a teenager.

I love Lana’s voice and lyrics. They always have a depth I relate to, mostly about my past, some about the present.

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The First Time, Ever I Saw Your Face ~ Roberta Flack

The first 5 lines of this song, are for my children. I always think of them, and my deep love for them. And I will love them, until the end of time.

The rest of the song, with regard to a partner, I have no idea what that feels like. I’ve never had a relationship with a healthy man. And I’ve accepted I won’t. I’m married. And if I am ever not married, I doubt I will have another relationship with a man. There are some wounds too deep. I’ve accepted that too.

This song reduces me to tears, every time I listen to it.

I love Roberta Flack. The emotion in her voice, is incredible. Her talent is incredible.


The first time, ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars
Were the gifts you gave
To the dark, and the endless skies Continue reading

I can’t get this song outta my head… ‘My Heart Is A Ghost Town’

I love the lyrics to this song. I love his voice. This makes me want to dance too.

Interesting lyrics and video. The music is very 90’s house/dance music, so I relate, as the 90’s was my clubbing era.

I read he wrote the lyrics about life’s disappointments & an existential crisis issue. Probably why I relate.

Love these lyrics..

“Now, I’m searching for trust
In a city of rust
A city of vampires
Tonight, Elvis is dead
And everyone’s spread
And love is a satire” Continue reading


A very powerful song & video clip. This is about suicide. The pain. The Stigma. The shame. The reality.

***Trigger Warning*** This is about suicide. Which does occur in many complex trauma/child abuse survivors and awareness of this, is needed.

This song was emailed to me by the singer/songwriter, to see what I thought.

Lyrics – Shell Shocked

I’m shell shocked
from my childhood
This is why I’m like I am
Yet I can still feel good

I copped a lot of shrapnel when
I was you I was shooting blanks for years
Now I take my time a
and I still shed some tears

I’ve got a paranoid streak
and at times it’s handy
Although I’m still learning to love
sometimes I still can’t stand me

I’m shell shocked
Its’ travelled to my brain
Sometimes I borderline
A world where it’s all gone insane
It’s all gone insane do do do do do do do
Do do do do do Continue reading

Blue Bucket of of Gold – Sufjan Stevens

Love this song, and the lyrics. I ‘get’ these lyrics.

The reference to ‘red flags’ in particular – resonates. My life is about fear of red flags.


My blue bucket of gold
Friend, why don’t you love me?
Once the myth has been told
The lens deforms it as lightning
Raise your right hand
Tell me you want me in your life
Or raise your red flag
Just when I want you in my life Continue reading

Found a new music artist – Sufjan Stevens – Contemporary Christian music.

Found this artist via Relevant Magazine, and I love him already.

He has a background of child abuse, with mentally ill parents, is a Christian and writes about his life and faith, in a way I relate to, that is far more ‘real’ to me, than so much worship music – which I do not relate to – because I am not your average church person.

I am glad to see more real music, created for Christians to enjoy.



His music is beautiful. Deep, emotional, eerily haunting.

My type of music.


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