Too many therapists are pushing abuse victims to feel compassion for abusers, and harming the victims healing.

Many therapists are far too ‘opinionated’ and lack insight into complex trauma, and are there just to push their views and their own agenda’s. It is well known that therapists can be ego seekers and they push their own opinions, regardless of how that harms their clients. And too many therapists have big ego’s and work outside of their own capacity of insight and needed understanding of complex trauma.

I just read of a survivor who fired her therapist who kept on defending the clients narc mother, yet never even asked what the mother had done and didn’t even know details of the abuse. So the survivor hadn’t dealt with her emotions either.

So wrong and so damaging.

How dare that therapist demand that survivor dismiss the suffering caused and invalidate the survivors needed  emotions, grieving etc.

Good to see professionals who confirm it is okay to ‘name’ narcissistic abuse. Via Psychology Today.

Mental Health professionals used to harbor the notion that narcissists were insecure and frail deep down.  Their trumped up attitude was viewed as off putting and the job was to help them tone it down so others would like them more. And life would be easier for them. Strangely, narcissists were frequently people who at first glance, did not convey the compelling qualities that might explain extreme self-love.

Things have changed. Current thought challenges the notion that narcissists secretly suffer from low self-esteem or insecurity.  Or that they suffer as much as we thought in the ways that we thought. Recent findings indicate they take pleasure in successful manipulations. Putting down unsuspecting, soft-hearted souls in their midst is a sport. They truly believe in their superiority even if objective evidence does not back it up. One psychiatry professor of mine did say, “They make everyone around them feel badly but they don’t feel badly themselves.”

I was quite moved by a blog I read

http://afternarcissisticabuse.wordpress.com/2014/06/08/how-the-trauma-of-narcissistic-abuse-changes-our-world-views/   (link is external)

in which the author beautifully captures what it is like to be the target of a severe narcissist. Shame, fear, jitters, lack of trust and ever-present guardedness sweep through the abused person and trammel his or her identity and world view. The transformation of a hopeful, can-do enthusiast into a dismal, wary withdrawer is a form of soul murder.

But to those thus violated, take heart. Understanding the complexities of what/who you were dealing with might make you feel better. Just “naming” brings relief, as it is a form of containment. Besides, in this particular situation, tables do turn. If you have faith that justice will be served, somehow, you might find the motivation to rise up and get yourself back.

Let’s contemplate the nuances of narcissism in a person with narcissistic traits or the full-blown personality disorder. The diagnosis includes entitlement, grandiosity, arrogance, envy, easy exploitation of others, a sense of specialness or superiority and fantasies of unlimited success.

Being the abused child of a narcissistic parent……. profoundly affects the adult survivor.

Interesting article https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children

Always good to see professionals and experts confirming and validating just how damaging these personality disordered caregivers are and validating the profound effect their abuse has on their children and the adults they become.

From the article…

Because the narcissistic parent-child bond was so distorted and corrupt, the offspring as adults tend to gravitate toward drama-laden, roller-coaster relationships – especially with romantic partners.

Because they didn’t grow up with the belief that they were intrinsically okay and good, it makes perfect sense that these individuals would gravitate toward stormy romantic partners later.

These adults would feel like a fish out of water in a relationship with someone who loved them consistently, and the experience would be so unfamiliar that it would cause major anxiety.

Knowing it will be wrong, no matter what I do.

When you are in a situation, where no matter what you do – it will be wrong, it creates fear, hopelessness and depression.

I don’t want to be in my marriage anymore.

I fucked up, because 15 years ago I didn’t know what a real relationship, a loving relationship, a decent man, looked like.

I was also lied to and I didn’t know many things until after we had our first child. When it was too late. Like all the affairs he had had, the lying, the deviousness and the lack of empathy, lack of remorse etc – and what that meant. And 15 years ago, I didn’t know about personality disorders, and I didn’t understand why I was attracted to people who would hurt and use me.

My life has always been really fucking cruel and that continues.

Well done mother, you wanted me hurt

and you got what you wanted.

You fucked up my life from the moment I was born,

and it is still fucked up.

You have what you wanted.

Hope you are happy.

I am with a man I cannot trust, who lies, does not love me, couldn’t care less about me, or any of my past and is basically very narcissistic.

And quite frankly, I hate being in this marriage.

But, I have children. And I need to do what’s best for them, and the unless the crap gets bad enough to affect them to the point where I need to leave, I have to stay in this marriage.