Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Preventing child abuse and neglect, is a moral and economic imperative – Tonette Walker

http://www.jsonline.com/news/opinion/preventing-child-abuse-and-neglect-is-a-moral-and-economic-imperative-b99542882z1-318503391.html

I agree.

Pretending child abuse and neglect doesn’t exist, minimizing it, avoiding it, denying it, excusing it……. is not helping in any way.

People can harp on about compassion for abusive people, and forget the greater compassion needed for the child victims and keep perpetuating abuse in the process. Choose to believe they don’t intend to harm children, but that does not help children being abused and the physical and mental health lifelong issues it creates.

I am over people making excuses for those who intentionally abuse children. Continue reading


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Disclosing child sexual abuse to disordered, dysfunctional, toxic families, often leads to further severe abuse.

 

Dysfunctional, toxic families/parents etc, often cause further abuse and trauma to children who disclose child sexual abuse. The abuse is often denied, minimized, ignored, trivialised, justified, the child blamed and shamed, and in some cases the sexual abuse is encouraged and enabled.

Child sexual abuse is also emotional, physical, psychological abuse, and when the child is not supported after disclosure, this further abuse is severe neglect and emotional abuse.

The layers of trauma, wounds, shame and neglect within all of this, are profoundly life impacting.

Often survivors of this deep trauma, particularly when it is prolonged child sexual abuse and grooming occurs, need to dissociate to cope/survive. Many mental health and physical health consequences occur from this continual severe fear, anxiety and hypervigilance and severe abuse and violation to the child’s body occurring.

When the child is left unsupported, blamed, shamed etc when disclosing, the trauma intensifies.

The child’s world is shattered.

The child’s sense of any safety, is shattered.

The child’s sense of the world being good, is shattered.

The child’s sense of trust in people, is shattered.

The child’s sense of self and identity, is shattered. Continue reading


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Devastatingly sad to know children use blankets as security & safety, when raised in abusive homes.

I posted about ‘weighted blankets’ on my page just now and a survivor stated how as a child she would wrap herself up in a heavy blanket and sing to herself until she fell asleep.

I am sat writing this with tears pouring down my face, trying not to sob.

Children should not be needing to seek safety, comfort and soothing from a blanket, because their parents are so abusive and neglectful.

So, so sad. And has triggered a lot of distress to remembering myself doing this as a child. Crying, scared, alone.

A child should not live in the level of fear, being unsafe, harmed, abused, alone, distressed …… trying to substitute a blanket for what the parents are meant to be providing. Continue reading


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The neglect in my own childhood, I don’t repeat in parenting my own children.

Today, is Easter Sunday and I see what others have as family traditions for Easter and I take notice.

My mother barely provided the absolute basics of parenting. I didn’t learn so much from her. There was serious levels of neglect in so many ways, as well as being combined with severe abuse.

Family traditions, I did not learn. My mother, barely provided any. We had Christmas dinner, Christmas presents, but even that was a chore for her, and our stockings were plastic disposable shopping bags. She could sew, knit – had expensive sewing and knitting machines, yet could never be bothered to make decent stockings for us. As an  adult, I rarely received even a Birthday card, and if I did, it was always late. As a child, we had a few Birthday presents, and an Easter egg at Easter. That’s it. There was virtually no effort provided. Bare basics. Her children, weren’t worth anything more.

Continue reading


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If you tell someone enough times they are bad & deserve to be hurt….they will believe it.

A post to my page…

If you tell someone enough times they are bad, or they deserve to be hurt, they will end up believing it. Even if they act like they don’t, deep inside they have that shame and hurt.

This happened to me, and throughout the first 20 years of my life, I received continual messages, verbally and through actions and considerable emotional neglect….. that I needed and deserved to be hurt. This continued on into my adult life.

And this is why I have emotional self harming behaviours and why I have gravitated towards people who will hurt me. This being a subconscious action, not something I consciously sat and thought about.

To understand and acknowledge this, was very confronting, painful and emotional, and still is, although I am dealing with it better over time.

But, it was also a vital part of my healing journey.

I do encourage survivors seek trauma focussed counselling, to address these deeper issues, as we need support when dealing with them. I need counselling and fully admit I could not handle this, without my counselling support.

Lilly ❤