Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


I choose a life free of chaos and avoiding unnecessary stress.

I realise all too well, you cannot heal within chaos and stress. So wherever possible, this needs to be removed from your life. It is a choice to be made and the only person who can choose this, is self.

People often rationalise putting themselves within chaos and unhealthy relationships/environments. Especially when this is someone’s ‘normal’. When raised within a childhood of fear, stress, chaos – it is your normal. But, it is does not need to stay that way. It is a still a choice – as to what you expose yourself to. Including people, situations, environments.

The only person that can ensure I lead a life of non chaos and more peace….. is me. So this is my choice. Continue reading

It is very freeing, to not emotionally ‘need’ people.


When you don’t ‘need’ people, it becomes very freeing. I choose to be around people and have connections, but I cherish my own company. I cherish my time alone and need that, more than connections to people.

I am obviously around my husband and we parent our children and have our family. So there are practical, family level needs. But, other than our children and gardening, we have nothing else in common and we are very different people. I don’t have a soul/emotional connection with him, due to our vast differences. I care about him, but I don’t ‘need’ him.

I have some friends and I enjoy their company and I am interested in their lives and their needs. But, I don’t require or need anything back. And I don’t expect anything back.

I enjoy volunteering, because I know it is helping others in a way they need, not what I need. It’s important to me, to help people who are in need… the marginalised, the oppressed, the abused, the needy, the elderly etc.

I no longer need counselling. My first counsellor told me I do most of my own healing/counselling and she was right. That continued on and everything I have needed to heal, I worked out for myself. I don’t need any validation of what I know and feel, my discernment and my capacity for deep thought.

I am secure in my understanding of myself, my journey and of humanity.

I’ve always been very independent and very resourceful, since being a child. It gave me levels of inner strength needed, to be alone. I’ve been alone all my life, even whilst surrounded by people. I used to hate this disconnection from people. The aloneness. Felt this huge part of my life missing, due to the hole in my soul where a caring loving, family should have been. It made me feel deeply flawed, deeply weird, terribly unloved and very different. I hated that. But now I know who I am Continue reading

How I feel when I am alone, in my yard/garden…. free, happy, joyful :)

I have created a life for myself, within my life…… where I can enjoy my alone time, I crave and I need it.

It is where I feel most at peace, feel freedom, feel content, feel happy, feel joy.

I feel light in my life …….. I have never known before.

I feel Jesus’ presence ~ right beside me and God’s love shining down on me.

free fairy

It is very healthy, to enjoy solitude and your own company.


I talked about this in counselling …..

And how I now love and crave my own company… and this is about increased emotional intelligence, not ‘needing’ people and having inner security.

And that peace is not found in ‘people’.

Carl G Jung ….. even stated that he needed his alone time, his regular times of solitude. And other wise people speak of this and their need for it too.

I was thankful to have this validated, as healthy.

And that enjoying my own company, and finding peace in that ~ more than I do in time with my family, or other people …. is not something to feel guilty about, or feel is wrong.

It’s interesting how much I have changed……. I used to hate being alone…….. now it is where I am most happy, content and find peace.

It is where I think, process, enjoy myself, and talk to Jesus.

Peace…… is not found in people.

I realise, I am very content in my own company and very much need it.

Not everyone needs solitude and I understand that…….. but I do.

Even the great Carl G Jung, needed his solitude and stated it made his life worth living.

People who ‘need’ others, won’t ‘get’ this, and I see that.

I don’t want to ‘need’ people. And I increasingly don’t.

I am a mother and wife and I do all I can in my capacity to be decent in these roles and to love and cherish them.

I want to help others, and I do. I help 1000’s every day, from the comfort of my own sacred space. I want to help others who suffer. And I do, in my capacity and sometimes I feel like this is not enough…… and then I am reminded …. it is enough.

I have a little world of my own ~ I have created that is separate to the parts of my life where people are within it.

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My developing gardens……where I like to spend time every day :)

I spend a lot of time in my garden/yard.

It is my little sanctuary, where I escape to have some peace, where I create, where I soothe my inner child, where I think and where I pray 🙂


This hydrangea was being sold cheap, because it was virtually dead. But, I’ve taken off the dead yucky leaves, and nurtured it and it has a mass of new, healthy leaves growing 🙂



Picnic basket ^^^ ….re-purposed/re-cycled…. for some ferns to grow in the shade 🙂


My baby Jacaranda tree….. which apparently may bust this pot as it gets much bigger….which if that happens, I will deal with then 🙂



My bootiful Bird of Paradise……which flowered for the first time this year 🙂


My cute stuff, hanging from the tree 🙂

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