Do people who try to push certain views, have ‘their’ own personal reasons….?

I am very aware people often are a result of the experiences in life they have faced.

So when dealing with someone who consistently fails to show emotion about what abusive people can do and fails to understand the pain and suffering caused…..

Coupled with their continual need to term abusive people as ‘okay’ and have clear issues as to others describing them differently and more negatively….

It makes me wonder why?

Do they have issues from their own personal lives that cloud their own judgment and views? Have they had some abusive family member or someone close to them – do despicable things and so that affects their own judgment? Is that why they are so adamant abusive people should only be viewed ‘their’ way? Is this why they are so against labelling because they don’t want their own relative/friend etc…labelled? is this why they really dislike the view that people ‘protect’ and ‘enable’ abusers?

Do they have more invested in the way they think, than I realise? Is this in fact a personal issue and not actually about me at all, or what I need?

Bill Cosby….a psychopath serial rapist – who got away with it….for 5 decades?

http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2014/12/bill-cosby-beverly-johnson-story

Anyone who thinks there isn’t any credibility to the allegations being made against Cosby….are just plain stupid.

As a Christian, I can imagine and I have seen many who claim to be Christians, stating that unless these allegations are 100 % proven, we must not speak about this, we must not believe Cosby may in fact be a serial rapist. We must assume he isn’t and that by default, all these women are lying.

And they will trot out the ‘must have two or more witnesses’ Bible verse, that protects abusers all the time………..when most abusers aren’t going to allow witnesses to their evil acts. And church sociopaths/psychopaths know this and use this to their advantage.

And that attitude is exactly why so much abuse goes on within churches.

I see on social media…….the vilification of the victims. No empathy for what they have endured. As many in society, don’t.

As many in churches, don’t.

The pathological protection of perpetrators/abusers/rapists…….so evident.

This Cosby story…………is no longer just non celebrities, or white women making allegations…..it is now celebrities and black women coming forward. Intelligent women who don’t have anything to gain….are coming forward.

26 now, is it?

How many more are there, I wonder?

Decades of abusing women, and there will be others who knew about this and did nothing. Stood by while Cosby treated women as pieces of meat……..and yet had the nerve to tell other black men to ‘pull up their pants.’

It is so interesting how these abusers, so often project their own deep issues, onto others……..I’ve seen this occur. A church minister.

Preaching to others about what they should be doing……..while leading a life of evil acts themselves…….and then lying, denying and acting outraged that anyone would expose them and suggest what they have done, is not okay. And people still defending them.

Sounds familiar…

I have already blogged about this – the legal system benefits the accused, not the victims.

“The legal system is designed to protect men from the superior power of the state but not to protect women or children from the superior power of men.

It therefore provides strong guarantees for the rights of the accused but essentially no guarantees for the rights of the victim.

If one set out by design to devise a system for provoking intrusive post-traumatic symptoms, one could not do better than a court of law.”

~ Judith Lewis Herman, Trauma and Recovery 

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I have also blogged about how I am so sick of hearing about the ‘rights and needs’ of the abusers.

And not having rights and needs, as a victim of their abuse.

I wrote this in a previous blog…

https://healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.wordpress.com/2014/08/04/decades-of-abuse-it-being-all-about-the-abusers-its-still-all-about-them/

“It’s always about the abusers. Their rights. Their legal rights. Their human rights. Their mental health. Their issues. Their problems. Their past. How they must be forgiven. How they must receive compassion. How they couldn’t help it. How they didn’t understand what they were doing. How they are hurting inside. How society unfairly judges them. How we must not label them. How we must pray for them. How we must forgive them. The list is endless.

And ‘I’ am the bad person, if I don’t.

More shame, more guilt, more emotional (and spiritual) abuse.

Only from those who I need to help me.

Again.”

If you remain neutral – I will not trust you. And those who do stand by me, will get attacked by the perps.

This is so interesting, because the narc minister who abused me, and the Baptist Church – have lied and criticised my doctor/counsellor and the mediation that occurred – which they have absolutely NO right to do.

They have done exactly what Prof. Judith Lewis Herman has stated will happen – they turned on someone who was willing to stand by me – and not with them, because she could see their narcissism and their lies, manipulation and deep marital issues. And that they should not be in ministry.

And this shows why – if anyone remains neutral, I will not trust them at all.

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“Underlying the attack on psychotherapy, I believe, is a recognition of the potential power of any relationship of witnessing.

The consulting room is a privileged space dedicated to memory. Within that space, survivors gain the freedom to know and tell their stories. Even the most private and confidential disclosure of past abuses increases the likelihood of eventual public disclosure. And public disclosure is something that perpetrators are determined to prevent. As in the case of more overtly political crimes, perpetrators will fight tenaciously to ensure that their abuses remain unseen, unacknowledged, and consigned to oblivion.

The dialectic of trauma is playing itself out once again. It is worth remembering that this is not the first time in history that those who have listened closely to trauma survivors have been subject to challenge. Nor will it be the last. In the past few years, many clinicians have had to learn to deal with the same tactics of harassment and intimidation that grassroots advocates for women, children and other oppressed groups have long endured. We, the bystanders, have had to look within ourselves to find some small portion of the courage that victims of violence must muster every day.

Some attacks have been downright silly; many have been quite ugly. Though frightening, these attacks are an implicit tribute to the power of the healing relationship. They remind us that creating a protected space where survivors can speak their truth is an act of liberation. They remind us that bearing witness, even within the confines of that sanctuary, is an act of solidarity. They remind us also that moral neutrality in the conflict between victim and perpetrator is not an option. Like all other bystanders, therapists are sometimes forced to take sides.

The term ‘Victim’ – has been turned into something ‘shameful’ – which is more abuse.

Society has done a really good job of turning the word ‘victim’ into something to be ‘shamed’ about.

Which is more abuse.

That’s what people targeted & conned by fakes, frauds, abusers, narcs, sociopaths, paedophiles, sex offenders and all types of abusers etc are…victims.

I have been a victim to many.

Now I am a survivor, but at the time I was being hurt/harmed/lied to – I was a victim. 

This is where a lack of empathy and lack of compassion, becomes very evident. Only people who lack these, choose to ‘shame’ victims/survivors of abuse. And this hurts and harms us more.

The word victim, is **nothing**

to be ashamed of.

Society has been groomed & taught, to shame abuse survivors.

Dr. Alice Miller Website ~ A Goldmine of ‘Real’ Psychology regarding child abuse. And a free book.

http://www.alice-miller.com/index_en.php

Stacks of amazing insight and info on here, and I intend buying several more of her books too.

It will help me put into words, more of what I have already processed, as to the affects of child abuse and why it is condoned by so many in society.

http://www.nospank.net/fyog.htm

 

 

 

Good to see someone in Christianity, taking on board Dr Alice Millers work.

Dr Alice Miller, is one of few in the psychiatry/psychology world, prepared to say the truth many wish to avoid.

Her son – Martin Miller has stated “I remember now often how my mother said: “.. You know, the therapists are all alike, they are shit-scared of recognizing the truth!” And today when I look at this debate and the handling with victims of abuse, I think then: She was right.”

Alice Miller states – the perpetrator of abuse, is completely responsible for the abuse he/she commits and too many in society make excuses for perpetrators.

And the victim ‘must’ put the blame squarely onto the perpetrator, to allow themselves to move from believing they are in any way a ‘sinner’ – to being the victim. Because the abuse is ‘never’ the victims ‘sin’. It is always the abusers.

Bravo!! Someone with the balls to say it. 

In this link, it was good to see someone in Christianity taking note and it was very interesting reading this, as it reflects much of what I believe and where too many Christians do the opposite and harm abuse victims even more.

http://books.google.com.au/books?id=y9Py_if1VNUC&pg=PA99&lpg=PA99&dq=alice+miller+perpetrator+protecting&source=bl&ots=Y0FQT4v6WX&sig=sr5XMxiSfdVyL4Lj_nXu8jV13YQ&hl=en&sa=X&ei=mpYOVKSTG4m_uASW-oLYDw&ved=0CEYQ6AEwBzgK#v=onepage&q=alice%20miller%20perpetrator%20protecting&f=false

I am so OVER people making excuses for abusers.

I am very sensitive about his now.

As soon as I sense anyone, is heading down the ‘excuses’ ‘justification’ ‘abuser protecting’ road….

I avoid them like the plague. I will just block, delete and ignore them.

I live in reality. I know the reality, I have endured too many abusive people. They knew what they were doing, they knew it was wrong. They made choices. The lied. They denied.

And they fucked up my entire life with severe abuse over decades.

So right now, if anyone wants to start flaunting their views contrary to this, in my face….I either want to cry, start feeling fear, or want to tell them that their views are further abuse to me and how dare they feel entitled to do that and go try developing some empathy. The latter doesn’t happen often, because there is no point. They won’t listen anyway.

Why I am so sensitive about this.

Because I have dealt with this crap MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE.