Many of us, don’t have a ‘pre-trauma’ us.

My children are my priority, so my wellbeing is a priority.

My responsibilities as a mother, to love for and raise my children to be the type of adults I know they can be, is my 1st responsibility.

That is above my husbands issues, and anyone else’s issues.

I now prioritise my wellbeing, because it is *vital* to the wellbeing of my children, and they need me to be strong.

I have no guilt over this anymore.

And as the wonderful Mother Teresa once said, if you want the world to be a more loving place, start by going home and loving your family.

She also said this…..

Another relationship, I will now be grieving.

It is very normal for abuse survivors to become attached to their counsellors. I know that and I know I have cared more about mine, more than I should. I know the psychology behind it.

And I also realise that is not reciprocated and now that the counselling relationship has ended, my counsellor won’t give me another thought, I am just a client and I do know that. And that is how it should be. And she may even be relieved.

But, that is not how it has been for me and I will grieve. Especially as it has not ended well/positively, and has ended with my understanding that some of her stuff is not healthy for me.

I am already still grieving many relationships where I have cared about/loved people, and that was not reciprocated and the relationships ended, with horrible stuff and painful emotions.

I truly need to stay away from people.

It hurts too much when it ends.

And like all emotions, I feel them very deeply…… because I am not a shallow person.