Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Might start a diploma in counselling in February.

I’ve just found out you can apply for VET Fee help for diploma courses, not just degrees. I need to wait until Feb 2017, to start an on campus degree Uni course, for various reasons.

So, a counselling diploma in the gap next year, would be useful and helpful and keep me busy 🙂

So contacting ACAP about the VET Fee help part, just to make sure I would be eligible. I’m itching to start studying and this may be a great route, a diploma, prior to the degree in either counselling or psychology – whichever I decide upon.

Emailed for info.

Update, I’ve already checked and I am eligible for the VET FEE help, so I’m applying for the course, to commence Feb 2016.

After that, I will start a 3 year Bachelor of Psychology/Social Sciences/Counselling (not sure which yet), Continue reading

Current reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ – Dr Russ Harris


The Happiness Trap is based on the principles of ACT, a revolutionary new mindfulness-based model, developed from cutting-edge research in behavioural psychology. The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich and meaningful life, and a wealth of published scientific studies prove its effectiveness. So if you want to escape “the happiness trap” and find meaning and fulfillment in life, this book is for you.

(Note: this book steers well clear of popular but non-scientific approaches, such as ‘positive thinking’, ‘positive affirmations’ and ‘self-hypnosis’; although such techniques may make you feel good in the short term, they simply do not work in the long term.)

I am great believer in the single minded pursuit of happiness, being BS and makes society weaker. I see it clearly causes more problems, than it solves.

I’ve read many articles of how seeking happiness and ‘positive thinking’ may seem great, but they do not work long term. I see the shallowness of these concepts and the actual harm they cause. Continue reading

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INFP/INFJ personality type.


The Myers Briggs/Jung type tests, always indicate I am either INFP, or INFJ and I know I fluctuate between the two, depending on the situations. And both are tiny minorities of the personality types. And the least understood by others.

I relate to this drawing. I have accepted most people don’t understand me. I have accepted I cannot ‘save humanity’, but can only do my little part and model what I feel is needed. But humanitarian and social justice work, is a huge interest of mine and somewhere I think I am heading. Harmony is an increasing need within me, but not at the expense of honesty, reality, truth, or others being negatively impacted, or by applying cognitive distortions. It’s a challenging path.

I continually talk about ‘balance’ and I know this is where wisdom is found. Not in the ‘all or nothing’, ‘polarised’, distorted and dysfunctional thinking humanity often prefers.

Reading other people’s souls…. well I have been doing that since being a child. I discern people’s souls/ motivations/ issues/ hearts easily over a period of time. It’s proven accurate too many times for me to not accept this ability. I’ve been told to trust it. And I do. Dealing with what I see in people’s souls and their behaviours, has been my challenge. Not ‘personalising’ other people’s issues, has been a huge learning curve I needed. Continue reading


People’s subconscious drives/motivations, I see, as much as the conscious, planned behaviours.

I see very clearly how so many people act and behave from the unconscious/subconscious mind… whichever you wish to see it as. I know the psychology great minds such as Freud and Jung, talk about these non conscious thoughts, reactions, drives and I agree… I see it everywhere. I’ve explored some of mine, so I know it to be true. I’ve delved into my sub/unconscious thoughts and where they came from. What triggers my sub/unconscious reactions/behaviours etc.

I’m a great believer in making the ‘unconscious – conscious’ …. if you truly want to know who you are.

This does not happen with many people. Most people keep their eyes very tightly shut about who they actually are as a person. Their own soul is not what they want to see, or reflect upon.

People often don’t even realise why they think and behave the way they do. And I admit that scares me, creates fear within me, and does nothing to lesson my issues with trust. When people don’t even know why they think the way they do… why on earth would I place any trust/belief in them.

I also see clearly when actions and behaviour are conscious, premeditated, deliberate and intentional. But when it’s harmful or self serving, people justify it. Rationalise their behaviours and just plain old excuse them. Providing self comforting irrational thoughts to not take responsibility for actions. And they project them onto others. And vigorously defend them.

I see cognitive distortions everywhere and I always have… now I can put psychology terms to the irrational thinking.

Continue reading


Solitude, is healing and I really need it……. often and increasingly so.


My solitude….. makes my life worth living.

I need it, I crave it and I cherish it.

It enables me to think, to process, to heal.

And have peace.

I cherish and love my family…. my children, my husband. I find them challenging and exhausting to be around, but I love them deeply and I do everything in my capacity to be a decent mother and wife and consider and address their needs, happiness and growth.

I am pursuing meeting up with selective friends ~ who share the same type of soul and heart as myself. I am excited to be meeting up with a friend next week, for the first time and I know it will be so lovely.

I do enjoy and look forward to my counselling time each week and spending time with someone wise, who I listen to and learn from and have increasing trust in…. which is a first for me….. trust. And I do realise, at some point that will end, as my counselling won’t need to continue forever. Which is something I have not yet got my head around…. and causes me anxiety when I do.

But, I very much need my alone time.

And lots of it.

I no longer ‘need’ people, the way I used to think I did.

I choose to spend time, with those I love and cherish.

But, alone is where I am most comfortable and peaceful.


Some Christian psychologists, recognise the affects of sociopaths/narcissists & are willing to use correct terminology


It is helpful to see some Christians, recognise the affects of the trauma caused by narcissists, sociopaths, psychopaths and are willing to use the correct psychiatric terminology to describe them.

And recognise the need for boundaries and no contact.

None of this ‘you must stay and help them’, ‘you must have reconciliation’, you must ignore their abuse – we are all sinners BS.

I also was thankful for the clarification………that NO God won’t change them……..unless they ‘want’ to be changed……and guess what……..they don’t want to change, because they don’t think they do anything wrong……they are incapable of change…..and she has never seen any of them change.

I already knew this. God doesn’t take away free will. So, how can they be changed when they don’t think there is anything wrong with them.

I am developing a capacity to compartmentalise….

I am developing this ability to have two separate compartmentalised views about my abusers.

(Or “the people who abused me” as my doctor/counsellor would probably prefer I referred to them as… I have her words ringing in my head, nagging at me ~ every time I don’t say things the way she does…. and whilst I pout at times………I know this is a good thing.)

The first compartment…..being my emotions, and all the fear, hurt, betrayal, anger, grieving etc.

And the second compartment……viewing them as very broken people, who do what they do entirely due to their own severe issues and mental health. And feel sadness and sorrow for them.

Sometimes these cross over and then confusion occurs. Sometimes I feel like I am dishonouring myself to feel sorry for them. And that not hating them should be enough. Sometimes, I get angry with myself and think ‘why the fuck are you feeling sorry for people who knowingly caused such evil to you, you crazy girl!!!”.

But, it’s easier when I am able to view separate these. And when I do, is when I feel these emotions of sorrow for them.

I am still digesting this concept and capacity that seems to be growing.

I guess it’s the same as how I can separate abusive church people…from God/Jesus. People say to me ‘how can you go through all that church abuse and still believe in a loving God?” Easy answer……..because I can separate sinful sheeple, who believe what they want to believe for their own earthly needs and have been lied to and duped (and I feel sorry for them)……from a perfect God and perfect Jesus.

I think the ability to separate things, is a healthy way of viewing life. Although I have yet to have that confirmed in counselling…..so I know I will find out, that’s for sure!


My Jung based archetype is the Sage…

archetype carl jung

Did a ‘which Jung archetype best describes you’ quiz and this was the answer….

You’re the sage!

 According to Carl Jung, the sage represents wisdom and the search for truth.

You are wise beyond your years, patient and a deep thinker. You’re driven by a thirst for knowledge. One of your greatest fears is being ignorant, misled, or duped.

You’re incredibly intelligent but you risk over analyzing until you’re incapable of actually making a decision.

You’re an old soul and wise beyond your years, but Jung would tell you don’t get lost in the clouds!

I actually agree with most of this……..I do have a deep thirst for the truth and wisdom.

I definitely have a fear of being ignorant, misled or duped! For sure!

I have been told I am wise beyond my years…..I do over-analyse sometimes….I do get overwhelmed by this and then cannot cope with making a decision.

I have been told I am an old soul, and I am also an INFP type which does mean my head is on the clouds sometimes.

The only thing I disagree with is the patient part…..I don’t consider patience ones of my virtues. But, I realise this is due to PTSD too. But, I am becoming more patient…….the fruits of the spirit growing.

I also know, I am several archetypes, within one soul…..and this is just one of them.

I am also the caregiver, orphan & explorer too. But, I think the sage is my more dominant archetype.

A list of them all….

Continue reading

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Carl G Jung, was an incredible mind…

I relate to all these quotes…

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people.”

“Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.”

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

“People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.”

“There’s no coming to consciousness without pain.”

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”

“Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.”
 “The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
All ~ C.G.Jung.