Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Asked to do a reading at church…. So had to say why I couldn’t.

Having anxiety and PTSD, means the last thing I want to do when in new environments, is public speaking.

It’s only my third visit to church and the minister asked me if I would the Bible reading. I panicked immediately and said I couldn’t do it, as I have anxiety issues. I felt bad that I couldn’t do it. Had anxiety all the way through the service.

At the end of the service, when the minister came and spoke to us, I apologised for being unable to do the reading and told her I have PTSD. She was really nice about it and I could feel myself starting to get emotional. Once she stopped speaking to my sons, we swiftly left, because the last thing I want at this new church, is Continue reading


Tackled my fear of public speaking today…. at a gardening show :) I won a competition too ;-)

I attended an international gardening show today, with a friend. There were talks by well known people within the gardening and landscaping field.

We attended what I thought was a talk about floral displays. It turned out to be a competition, and a world renowned landscaper and winner of many awards, a reality show celebrity from a popular home show, and a floral designer, were 3 of the competitors.

They wanted a volunteer from the audience and my ‘friend’ volunteered me. So, very reluctantly, with anxiety rising fast, I got up and went up to the stage. With the 3 experts…

I’ve never done a floral display in my life, I have no idea what to do with the floral wiring etc. I had no idea what to do, except that the flowers and leaves, had to go in the foamy stuff… Apparently that stuff is called Oasis…. I know that now 😉

This was being recorded and photos were being taken, for media for the show :-O And I kept having a microphone put in front of me and asked to speak… :-O Continue reading

Received a lovely offer of coaching for public speaking skills.

Having received an invitation recently to participate in a podcast, I responded and explained I have a fear of any type of public speaking, recording etc. (As a truly introverted person, who intensely dislikes having groups of people focussed on me, it is something very anxiety raising. I don’t like being in the spotlight).

This conversation led to a very kind offer of online coaching to overcome this. Some people can be so very kind.

I realise my work could easily progress to public speaking and similar avenues and I know the invitations I have received show professionals and advocates believe in me and my journey. Continue reading


Another invitation for public speaking and for a podcast.

I’ve received quite a few invitations to speak publicly at events. To share my story and my healing journey so far. I’ve always turned them down, because I’m not ready and I also have a great fear of public speaking.

I’ve received another kind invitation to speak at an event about domestic violence/abuse survivors and another to be involved in a podcast to share my journey. Both of these invites have indicated they see the positive impact my website, blog etc, have.

Sometimes, I think I should just try one public speaking event to get myself used to it and past the fear barrier. Because it may help people and feel inspiring to hear someone speak about the raw truth. But, with hope in the message. Continue reading

I have declined many invites for guest blogging, writing, speaking etc.

Since this blog and my website became very popular over the last 12 months……I have received countless kind invites for guest blogging, writing, participation in projects, public inspirational speaking events etc.

I’ve received another request and need to decline. I feel very thankful, but I truly know I am not ready as I am still in my own journey, still with much healing yet to process.

I’m aware my capacity for honesty and rawness in sharing my journey, insight into my journey….are not common and seen as inspirational…..along with my motivation to validate, support and educate others in their journey.

I’m very aware I need professional education and training and until I have that, I don’t want to share anything in any manner for others to view as anything other than my own journey.

I see other untrained and non professional people giving inadequate and irresponsible advice and that concerns me greatly. Mental health and trauma are not fields for untrained people.

And I don’t put myself forward as a professional/trained person…my Website clearly states that.

I am, however, very thankful when people do consider me as someone inspirational.

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Another request for me to attend a public speaking event to share my story.

Had an email, from someone very kindly asking if I will consider attending a mental health awareness and phone line campaign fundraiser. To share my story as inspiration to others.

It is in the UK, so I can’t…but even if was local – I would currently still have to decline.

I have a huge fear of public speaking! I got married abroad twice – to avoid everyone looking at me! It really is that bad!


My anxiety shoots up just thinking about public speaking. Although, there have been a few times I have had to do it, and I actually did it okay. But, other times I have vomited before hand.

I realise I have powerful message/story to share and if able to do public speaking, it would potentially help more people. I know my capacity to have humour and laugh at myself, would be an added bonus, as people like a little humour in public speaking, even if about something serious.

It makes me wonder if in the future, I should consider a public speaking course, like toastmaster, and get over my fear.

fearRight now, I know I need to just concentrate on myself and my healing and I do enough via the internet.

But, it is something to keep in mind for the future…