Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Judge asks rape victim “Why didn’t you keep your knees together”. Absolute victim blaming/shaming.


Read this article about a judge who asked a rape victim “why didn’t you keep your knees together?” Appalling, disgusting and absolute victim blaming and victim shaming. Taking the responsibility of this rape from the rapist, to the victim.

This judge has been forced to apologise, due to complaints made.

This women has already been traumatised, in one of the worst ways possible, then Continue reading

Chrissie Hynde needs counselling. But, I understand why she self blames. And why it’s so wrong.


My immediate reaction to reading Chrissie Hynde’s recent comments about rape and sexual assault, were anger.

This is the most typical & toxic kind of victim blaming/shaming out there, and sadly it is beliefs held by too many. When it comes from a woman, I cannot help but feel even more outraged and disgusted. I hate victim blaming/shaming.

But, I do realise Chrissie Hynde needs counselling and psychological help. She is blaming herself for something that was never her fault, blame, shame or responsibility. It was 100% the responsibility of the man who abused her. I realise there may be many reasons she is blaming herself, as I have done in the past. I do feel so sorry for her, and why she feels the need to blame herself for the highly abusive choices an abuser made.

If I were a decent man, I would be highly offended by this notion that men have no self control, no moral compass and no capacity to not be rapists when women are drunk, wearing certain clothing etc.

I agree with this… “The idea that sexual assault is a natural occurrence, ready to engulf passing women in its flames, is one as damaging and insulting to women as it is to men. This persistent belief that men are naturally inclined towards rape, and that women have to dress or act or behave accordingly because otherwise it’ll just end up happening, is one that prevents so many assaults from being reported or prosecuted every year. Rape is not a natural disaster, and men are not prowling animals whose natural instincts would be kept under control if only women would just stop putting on fishnets or getting drunk or looking so damn sexy all the time. However, it has consistently been found in psychological studies that rapists do believe all men rape – which helps them to justify their actions to themselves.”


I realise Chrissie Hynde has deep psychological issues, but she needs to not be projecting her issues, to the rest of society and projecting blame and shame to victims of sexual abuse/assault/rape.

I am truly over victim blaming/shaming.

It has also brought to the surface again, how situations that occurred in my 20’s, where men did not stop when I wanted them to, really hurt me and basically it was rape.  Continue reading


The aftermath of Bill Cosby rape allegations – exact proof of rape culture & victim blaming/shaming.

The 2005 court documents about Bill Cosby’s deliberate and intentional drugging of women to rape them (sex without consent is rape)…. have been released. And it’s no surprise to me that he is indeed a rapist. It is argued he one of the worst serial rapists known to humanity. Certainly one of the worst serial celebrity rapists.

His admission that he intentionally bought drugs and used them to intentionally drug women to have ‘sex’ (rape), is proof enough of validation of every single victim who came forward and reported/spoke up about how Bill Cosby drugged them.

This article is excellent on explaining/highlighting rape culture, victims blaming, and victim shaming.


We should not need a confession from a rapist to believe victims.

The victims have been further traumatised by society, by all those who shamed and blamed them, or called them liars.

Rape culture is alive and kicking and until this is highlighted and fought against more…… and people stop making excuses for predators… it will continue. Continue reading


Perfect example of victim blaming by religious people “Catholic Church’s comments about Jill Meagher”


Someone needs to tell all these religious ‘abuser enablers’ to SHUT UP.

It is unbelievable to me, how many of them victim blame/shame. And how many go along with it, like sheep.

To blame Jill Meagher for what happened to her – being raped and murdered – completely takes away the 100% responsibility of the murderer/rapist’s actions and choices and the responsibility of those let him out of prison on bail, ‘knowing’ he would likely attack again – therefore, failing to protect society.

I totally agree that we need to be careful – but that in NO way means that when a predator attacks someone, that the blame should be given to the victim.

Religious people can be the most fucked up people of all when it comes to abusers, and abuse.

Continue reading

There is something very distrurbed about men who ‘get off’ on seeing women crying, hurting, in pain.

In fact, there is something very disturbed about people in general who ‘like’ and ‘get off’ on pain to anyone.

Sadly, for many abuse survivors, this is where we gravitate, because we ‘re-enact’ abuse. This a subconscious psychological issue, caused by enduring sexual abuse.

And to many who don’t know the psychology, it ‘appears’ we are ‘asking for it’.

And those who ‘get off’ on inflicting pain and liking to see people have pain, of any kind, do seriously need help. Whether it is consensual, or not.

Sadism and masochism, are huge mental health issues. I see that very clearly. And I don’t care who wants to normalise BDSM – it is disturbing, unhealthy and wrong. And nothing to do with love, at all.

I realise, I have had my own issues of masochism ….. as I was groomed to have/develop, during the first 20 years of my life, that continued on into my whole life.

Now, I will ‘not’ tolerate any abuse to myself. Of any kind.

Or be encouraged to, by unhealthy people, who have their own clear issues.

In fact, anyone who now considers any of this okay, will be removed from my life, not because I hate them, but because they are very unhealthy and I need only healthy influences. And I am not anyone’s counsellor. And I will not condone, or enable, or normalise, or justify, or ignore any of it.


Put the responsibility for rape/abuse …. 100% where it NEEDS to be……. with the rapists, or potential rapists.


All this victim blaming BS,

about how women should be the ones

responsible for not getting raped…

Needs to stop!

This suggestion that men cannot control themselves, is BS.

Yes they can.

And in fact, it is quite shaming to men….

To suggest that they cannot be in

control of their urges, and they

cannot help but to want to rape women.

Or abuse children.

Or any abuse.


The responsibility for abuse…..

Is ALWAYS that of the abuser.


Stop this evil of victim blaming

& victim shaming.

A victim’s body responding physically……..does not mean it isn’t rape, or sexual assault, abuse.


A post to my page, with ^^^^^ article.

Society does need to wake up to the fact that the body physically responds the way it is designed to, whether it is rape or consensual.

But, whatever the victim is doing, whatever the victim’s body is doing……..does *not* matter…….it is what the rapist is doing that is the only factor in rape.

Children’s bodies also respond when being sexually abused, but that does not make what a e.g. paedophile is doing…..okay at all.

It is still rape, still sexual assault, still sexual abuse.

And this occurs to men, as well as women, boys, as well as girls.

And the shame the victim is left with due to this……….is horrific.

And there should be NO shame felt by the victim of the sexual abuse/rape.

But, we can carry it for a lifetime, if we are not supported to understand all this.

Which is why I am sharing this, so people who may relate to this, feel supported, and understood a little more.

Lilly ❤