Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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Being ‘religious’ has a negative effect on children’s EQ.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/06/religious-children-less-altruistic-secular-kids-study?CMP=soc_567

This study and it’s conclusions, doesn’t surprise me at all. The reason why – many adult religious people are uncaring, judgmental and lack empathy and that then clearly impacts the children they raise.

Two examples spring to mind, that many religious people hold onto with all their lack of empathy.

  1. Physical discipline – which is child abuse and domestic violence. Hardly conducive to raising caring children, at all. Children learn what are modelled and shown. If abused, they will often learn to be the same. Religious mind control demands that.
  2. Abusing LGBTIQ – in demanding it is sin, when it isn’t. Plus all the abuse that follows that. Hardly empathy, or compassion.

Both of these alone, are the issues of many religious church people. Absolute spiritual abuse, as well as emotional, mental, psychological abuse also. Continue reading


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Corporal punishment/discipline, grooms children to stay silent about abuse.

http://www.debriefdaily.com/news-and-opinion/manny-waks-sexual-abuse/

I read this story of this man, and as I read through the abuse he also suffered from his parents, I could see clearly how these religious communities groom children for child sexual abuse. And why child sexual abuse is as prevalent as it is, within religious communities.

When authoritarian parents, who demand obedience and force children to not be able to speak up for themselves, and children live in fear of being hit, spanked, belted etc… they become easy targets for predators. Because they are already being abused. And they are far more likely to keep quiet.

I’ve seen this kind of parenting at a right wing, non empathy Baptist Church. Corporal punishment and physical discipline  heavily encouraged, from being babies. Parents who do not ‘follow like sheep’ are frowned upon, and made to feel like they are the bad parents. Parenting courses are completed in secret and only the sheeple are allowed to participate. All Satan led.

Not only is this abusive parenting which causes lifelong issues, but it can cause further issues. Predators love these types of religious communities. Children living in fear, don’t speak up when being sexually abused. And if they do, they are further treated badly and further abused. The ‘church’ often cares more about it’s reputation, than the children/victims. Families within religious communities, often care more about their reputation within the church, than their own children. Continue reading


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Spiritual abuse causes considerable harm & PTSD / Complex PTSD. Something not talked about much, but should be.

Spiritual abuse is rampant and causes considerable mental health issues, including PTSD and Complex PTSD, along with depression, anxiety and suicide.

Not many are talking about this, but I will.

I am aware of how rampant spiritual/religious abuse is, and the effects of it. Which of course, most church people choose to ignore, or minimize, justify, rationalise – and all those other cognitive distortions many church people have.

I understand the devastating effects of spiritual abuse, the amount of abuse occurring within religion, along with child abuse, domestic violence, child sexual abuse and all the emotional/psychological/mental abuse that pervades religion.

I’ve been attacked by ‘church people’, for raising this issue. Further abuse. Continue reading


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What Does the Josh Duggar Dialogue Say to Assault Victims? A wise Christian Perspective

This is by Stephanie Tait – Christian

See here http://thejoyparadeblog.com/what-does-the-josh-duggar-dialogue-say-to-assault-victims/

When I started this blog, I had decided that I never wanted to write this post. Hot button topics? Politics? Debate? This was never going to be that sort of blog. There was enough internet commentary already, and mine wasn’t going to be that sort of place. And yet I’m sitting here in front of the screen, writing my first post back after a month long hiatus of sorts, and never in a million years did I expect THIS to be what I needed to write. But for the million and one blogs and articles dissecting the recent Duggar scandal from every angle and point of view, one was glaringly missing to me: and it’s the one I simply can’t allow to remain silent. Am I concerned about the potential loss of readership? Of course. But some things are simply too important to remain silent about. Someone has to speak up for those who can’t always speak for themselves.

So bear with me dear readers. I promise, this will not be a heated debate or rehashing of the same rhetoric you see all over social media and the blogsphere. If you would give me a few minutes and an open mind, I want to give some thought to the people who are being given the least attention right now in this whole sensational media explosion – the victims of sexual assault.

What exactly does our public dialogue about Josh Duggar say to victims: both his own victims, and all victims of sexual assault by a family member or friend? As I read post after post, status after tweet, and all manner of debate and discussion about what and who is to blame, I can’t help but read each of them through the eyes of assault victims. I see some common themes and phrases popping up repeatedly in response to the all out attack the Duggar family is supposedly facing right now, and I wonder how many people have really asked themselves what they are communicating to assault victims with their words? Let’s take a closer look at four of the more prevalent messages I’m seeing.

He sought forgiveness and repented, and became a great person, so why is everyone trying to destroy him over a past mistake?

A common theme to some of the defenses of Josh Duggar seem to be that he’s a good man, a family man, with a wife and kids who depend on him, and that coming after him is vindictive and cruel. There are many who would frame the dialogue to make Josh a victim in his own right: coming under fire from an out and out attack by the progressive left. Over and over I hear messages of sympathy for a man who’s built a wonderful life for himself and his family and is now being senselessly dragged through the mud when he’s already repented and apologized. But what does this dialogue say to victims of sexual assault, especially those who experience their pain at the hands of someone they know and quite possibly even love? The heartbreaking message we are sending them is that if your abuser apologizes and seeks your forgiveness, its unfair and purely vindictive to seek meaningful legal consequences for their actions. 

If Josh Duggar is being unfairly persecuted despite his apologies and remorse, what does that say to a young victim who is struggling to decide whether or not to potentially “ruin the life” of her family member by reporting them to authorities? How much harder is it for a victim to knowingly send a long time friend and mentor to jail when they are being bombarded with messages about how believing in the power of Gods forgiveness means accepting a heartfelt apology and not destroying the life of a “good person” over a “mistake.” It is difficult enough for many sexual assault victims to seek justice in their cases because they already struggle with the complexities of feeling both love and pain towards the same person in their abuser, so in adding this extra layer of confusion how many victims might we be ultimately silencing? How many will now tell themselves that the “right” thing to do is accept an apology and move on without justice?

“How can people call him a child molestor when he was just a child himself!” / “He was so young! It wasn’t a crime, it was teenage mischief!”

This has got to be one of the most damaging pieces of rhetoric I have seen making the rounds. Continue reading


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Yes, this is exactly how toxic religious people excuse & minimize abuse, and place abusive demands on victims.

religious ppl

These ‘demands’ religiously toxic and abusive people project, are BS.

This goes on a lot and I see this becomes a way for abusers to minimize the abuse, and project these demands onto others, including their victims….. which is not what is wise, healthy or appropriate.

They just play the ‘grace/forgiveness’ card and lord that over people.

They demand forgiveness, often without deserving it, without being honest about what they have done, without repentance. And without any regard as to the victims needs and the depth of suffering and harm caused.

They have NO right to demand forgiveness, grace. But, toxic, disordered, unwise people… use these demands well and for their own needs. It is never about the victims needs.

It’s so easy to abuse someone and then just say ‘God has forgiven me – so should you’.

Anyone with true repentance and compassion for their victims, would never demand or expect forgiveness – because they would know this is not ‘their’ choice, or demand to make. Continue reading