I have come to realise that often people who claim they need to stay in relationships with narcissistic/sociopathic people, are often unknowingly committing emotional self harm, but they can’t see this and will rationalise their own beliefs, any way they can.
I have needed the deep self honesty and courage to deal with my own emotional self harming behaviours, and it was very painful to deal with, so I see many are not at that stage, and some won’t ever be.
Often it is fear related, as dealing with the end of relationships, can feel too scary. Shame comes into play as well, as we have been trained to accept we should be harmed. Often these people will promote what they are doing as okay, because it justifies their behaviours to tell others they should consider doing the same.
For some ‘it’s better the harm you know, than the fear of the unknown’.
Sometimes it can be a form of being a martyr, often due to religious beliefs, which is actually narcissism in itself. Of course, that martyr, will not accept that and many narcs are actually martyrs. I know a pastors wife, who fits the criteria of a martyr narc perfectly, so I’ve seen it happen. But like with all narcs, they won’t admit that. Too shameful. And it makes them ‘feel good’ to be this poor martyr. That is not godly at all.
I do not believe that God
wants us to continue being harmed,
or our healing being harmed,
and to promote that as okay, is unwise.
But, often it is purely a form of self harm, that the person does not realise and will continue perpetuating, which is really sad.
I will add here too….
If the relationship is a marriage, the abusive person broke the marriage vows, not the victim of the abuse.
If this is a parent relationship, we do not in fact need to ‘honour they abusive father and mother’, by staying in their life, continuing to get hurt.
These are just further abuse, spiritual abuse and emotional/psychological abuse perpetuated by too many unwise people who call themselves Christians.
We are not expected to be martyrs and continue being harmed. Or perpetuate self harm to ourselves.
And no God will not punish us and send us to hell……should we cut ties/contact with these relatives.
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