Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


There is no humility, without honesty about self.

I see big egos everywhere. Egos are not humility and therefore, are not wise.

If a person has little self insight, little capacity to be honest about self, little self awareness, then I will see a lack of wisdom, a lack of humility.

Humble people know their own issues and everyone has them. But knowing them and being honest about them, is not common. Continue reading


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People in my life now, are not responsible for being what I needed as a child.

I realise a lot of prolonged child abuse survivors, who had toxic, abusive, neglectful parents did not receive the care and parenting needed and deserved. And those needs continue on into adulthood. They did for me. I subconsciously wanted people to ‘make up’ for the family I never had. The loving, safe, parents… I never had.

I realised through my healing, I had been searching for people to be my parents, throughout adulthood. I subconsciously saw people as potential ‘parents’ and others as potential ‘siblings’ etc.  Those needs never fulfilled, don’t just go away when you become 18. They continue on and I am honest to know this.

Once I realised this, I also realised I could not expect anyone to ‘look after me’ or be the family I never had. The only people who could be parents, siblings, were my own and that did not happen for me. The parenting I needed as a child, could only be within my childhood. But, it didn’t happen. I have accepted this.

I am not a child now. I am an adult. I don’t need parenting by others and I realised some time back, no-one else can be expected to be my parent.

So I learned to parent myself. I did a lot of inner child healing, myself. Continue reading


A blog post that resonates, in many ways. ‘I’m done.’

So much of this blog I relate to. That deeper journey of growth that takes courage to delve into. I see much of what is written in this, I am already at, and some I am still getting to.

Very interesting blog and I am always fascinated by the deeper journey some choose to take and reading about it and what others have come to realise and understand.

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/04/she-was-done/


The human ego, is a destructive critter.

I see the human ego and the destruction it causes everywhere.

The human ego blinds people to the truth and it can be very covert and very non obvious to most.

Even in those who seem wise and like to promote themselves as caring ‘people’ persons. Their need to be seen as that and believe they ‘are’ that …….. blinds their perception of the truth in many ways – about self and about others.

The human ego is responsible for so much destruction, suffering and harm in this world and I see that clearly.

It blinds people to truth, honesty, insight and reality.

And I only know this, due to how much I have studied humanity to survive, and also because I am willing to go deep within to my own self…… with honesty. And this has enabled me, to see so many issues within others and where people are blind, but think they see.

Only those willing to be really honest with and about self, have the capacity to see the reality of others, with clear vision.


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There is nothing more special to me than….

There is nothing more special to me, than someone with such self honesty.

It is so refreshing, and rare.

I truly cherish people who have the capacity to be honest, without making excuses or justifying, but understands they have things they need to work on, how we all mess up, and how we all need to continue to grow ❤

We are not meant to feel we need to be perfect ….. but having honesty, insight, and the willingness to listen and grow, are about maturity and humility and the signs of someone who will heal and move along the healing road…

And it warms my heart, to see this in people ❤ 


Illusions are far easier to live within, which is exactly why they are chosen by most.

illusion

And most people do not want their illusion’s destroyed.

Most people do not have the courage or willingness, to deal with their illusions, particularly about self.

Takes a lot of courage, to go within, with honesty.


I have come to understand, everyone has their areas of poor beliefs, poor mental health.

I see this very clearly.

I wanted the Pope to be a wonderful role model for Christianity, and he is in many ways, but he believes in physical abuse to children, and called that ‘beautiful’. And that is the opposite of God. Of course, he will be adamant he is right and I am wrong.

I wanted my counsellor, to be someone who I could always assume had wisdom, and now I see very clearly – that she too supports abusive relationships and calls them ‘adequate’. And has a weird need to always defend abusers, and use words that are hurtful and justifies them. Of course, she will be adamant she is right and I am wrong.

I see people’s ‘stuff’ everywhere, in abundance on social media and it concerns me greatly and I don’t like it. I know I have my own stuff too.

The reason this all bothers me so much, is I hate abuse being condoned and people suffering. But, also because it scares me. Because I have been abused so much. So, I cut people off, and don’t tolerate people’s issues, as some will say I ‘should’.

I would rather be completely alone, than hurt anymore.

I actually like and prefer being alone now.

I would rather have shallow connections with people, than risk getting harmed, lied to, or have other people’s shit projected onto me. I do want to reach out and help people who are suffering, and I do, but I don’t want ‘relationships’ anymore.

And considering all I have been though, I don’t believe this is a bad thing……. it is a self care, protection mode. But I do know, this is my ‘stuff’. I have self insight.

Other people’s stuff, is what I can’t cope with …….. because people are inherently selfish, egotistic beings.

And for whatever reasons there may be………. that is how I get hurt and how I clearly see society is getting hurt.


Self insight….. is not common.

By Bryant McGill

“People who have had little self-reflection live life in a huge reality blind-spot

There are ways to live life that some people are not even aware exists.

People who have had little self-reflection live life in a huge reality blind-spot. They truly believe that life is a certain way, when it really isn’t. It is like a sad inside joke that everyone is aware of, but them.

They think they have it all figured out. They really believe they are “good” people. They do everything right — on the surface.

They are responsible, friendly, pay their bills and work hard. They put food on the table for their families. They have good credit scores, don’t speed and keep a clean house.

But something is missing. It is so “missing” they don’t even know it’s missing.”

http://bryantmcgill.com/simple-reminders/bookview/


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We all need to stop looking only outwards….and start looking inwards..

Unless you are looking into your own heart and soul….and dealing with darkness you ‘will’ find there ~ because we ‘all’ have it….you are not being honest.

Those who continually look at others and talk about ‘their’ darkness…. but fail to take the inner journey……

Are simply hypocrites.

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And those who don’t believe there is any darkness within…..are very deceived, have big ego issues, lack courage and lack self insight.

It takes great honesty, courage and inner strength to take the real inner journey…..find the darkness, illuminate it and want to get rid of it.

Most people do not have the courage, or capacity for self honesty to take the inner journey…..the ‘real’ inner journey.

Which is sad……..because it is needed for growth, maturity & wisdom.

cj

 


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Avoidance…….a huge issue I see clearly within humanity…

Avoidance….is a huge human issue, I see so clearly.

People avoid thinking about bad stuff in the world, to keep their lives comfortable & easy.

People avoid needed thinking about deep & meaningful issues surrounding suffering, for the same reason.

People avoid seeing &/or accept the bad in others as normal, so they don’t have to think about the bad within themselves.

Or people ‘only’ focus on the bad in others, to avoid thinking about the bad within themselves.

People avoid deep introspection, to avoid the fear and shame of what they may find.

People avoid the realities of life, with meaningless outer pursuits.

People avoid a lot…..due to fear, potential shame, and the desire for a shallow, egocentric life of ease and comfort.

And all this avoidance, means people don’t mature and don’t grow.

And all this avoidance, is encouraged and celebrated in society, which is one of many reasons why society is increasingly immature, where many adults are stuck in the adolescent maturity level of striving for ‘success’ and ‘self needs’ based lives.

Avoidance, is not healthy, or a sign of maturity, or strength.

And I see all of this, because I have had a lot of avoidance in my life, about many things.

I have avoided seeing the reality of all the abuse done to me.

I have avoided reflecting on my own issues and behaviours, until recently.

I am aware, that avoidance is never healthy, never about growth.

It takes courage and willingness, to look deep within, to look at the suffering in this world, to look at why there is suffering and not avoid that to keep life easy and comfortable, in a delusional way.

Yes, it is about balance, and approaching some things slowly and carefully, but avoiding the reality of life, the reality of who we are….is not maturity.