Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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When you know you are making the right life path choices. Great article I relate to.

http://lonerwolf.com/the-right-life-path/

I have gained great insight into ‘Old Souls’ from Loner Wolf and have blogged about their writings before. I relate to much of their insight. It is helpful for me to be reminded by those with similar insight and souls, of the path we choose to take. Not for any other reason than we know we must, we have matured past the shallow focusses of our immature, materialistic, image, success, ego driven society.


From the above link…

What Does a Truly Satisfying Life Path Look Like?

Have you ever stopped to consider what an authentically satisfying life path looks like to you? Perhaps it has to do with career advancement, marital success, riches, fame, or perhaps even enlightenment. Before you can really answer the question “How do I know that I’m pursuing the right life path?” you must be able to envision what your ideal life path would look like.

Perhaps you will be a passionate writer who immigrates to Thailand and lives off the internet? Perhaps you will be a well-known and highly respected psychologist who gets to holiday twice a year? Perhaps you will be a happy housewife that lives by the ocean making soap to sell on the side? Perhaps you will live off the grid and be self-sustained and free to do whatever you desire?

Once you have envisioned your ideal life ask yourself, “Will I always find this path satisfying or fulfilling?” Inevitably you will find the answer is realistically, “I don’t know!” or “Maybe,” but the truth is that you can’t predict how you will feel, what you will think, or what you will desire in the future. While one particular path might appeal to you today, this year or this decade, in the future you might have changed your mind many times.

So then, if you can’t really predict whether you will always be satisfied by One Particular Path, you must realize that such an ideal is unrealistic. By embracing the impermanence and unpredictability of life we allow ourselves to be free from the pain of expectations, desires and attachments. Therefore, don’t fall for the misconception that there is only “One” life path. In fact, there are many, and this realization should take a lot of weight off your shoulders.

How to Tell Whether You’re Wasting Your Life or Not

Subjectively life can be wasted in a number of different ways, namely through:

  • Addictions (drugs, alcohol, food, sex, gambling, etc.).
  • Enslavement to money/status/material gain.
  • Misplaced loyalty (e.g. to dead-end jobs, dishonest/abusive partners).
  • Action without feeling, also known as dutiful living (to family, partners, corporations, nations, etc.).
  • Doing what everyone else says or what is socially “acceptable,” but not doing what you authentically want.
  • Pleasing everyone else but yourself.

Continue reading


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‘Don’t judge others’ ‘forgive’ – often simply a way for many to avoid the realities of terrible actions/behaviours of others.

Most of humanity prefers to not have to deal with the realities of life. Realities like child abuse, abuse, how many psychopathic, sociopathic, narcissistic people, paedophiles, sex offenders etc etc etc  are in the world. And how intentionally they cause harm, and how they have no remorse, no conscience, no empathy.

Many religious people use the term ‘don’t judge others’ as the perfect excuse to avoid reality and avoid dealing with people who choose to harm others.

Easier to find some excuse to rationalise their behaviour. Easier to find some excuse as a cop out.. Easier, lazier, takes a lot less thought and a lot less living in reality.

It’s also why forgiveness is pushed so much by religious people such as ‘Christians’ and Buddhists etc.

Takes less effort and less action, to just say ‘don’t judge’ and ‘forgive’…….. than actually dealing with it all appropriately. I see how self serving it often truly is.

And in many cases, this belief some people have of demanding ‘don’t judge’ and ‘forgive’ – is purely self serving, as it makes people feel ‘better’ than others. It boosts their ego. They feel ‘good’ about themselves to think this way, and then project that onto others to put others down and make them feel bad. All abusive in itself.

Humanity is selfish to it’s core and I see this clearly in these behaviours.

Not many have the wisdom and clarity of vision to see the realities of life, and act unselfishly and without self serving intentions.


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Egocentric, ‘all about me’, apathy attitudes everywhere.

I met up with a new friend the other day, for a play date with her daughter and my son, who are in grade one class at school.

This woman comes along to the food bank I volunteer at and takes 2 boxes (which is only meant to happen for large families and she only has 2 young children). And she is one of those people who has money to buy other luxuries in life, but ‘takes’ from a food bank to get really cheap food. That bothers me, but I realise sadly many people ‘abuse’ charities and the good work volunteers do, for their own selfish needs. I realise there are a % of people who do this, ‘taking’….. but I try to focus on the genuine people in need.

During a conversation, she spoke about how she doesn’t watch the news and ‘doesn’t care’ about other people’s problems, she has enough of her own. (Don’t we all). She doesn’t want to see horrible stories about what happens to people.

She displayed the common attitude of avoiding and apathy, that sadly society promotes… that has no level of empathy, no compassion for others, and no awareness of life outside of own egocentric circle. Continue reading


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7 Types Of People In This World…. The last line, is crucial.

Exclusive excerpt from The One Idea That Saves the World: A Call to Conscience and A Call to Action by Laurence Overmire.

The House is on Fire.

The people in the house are
Sleeping and in great danger

Seven of their neighbors will come along
Each with an opportunity to save them

Person #1
Does not see the fire
Consumed in his own thoughts
He passes by in ignorant oblivion

Person #2
Sees the fire
But, not wanting to get involved
Walks on by

Person #3
Sees the fire
But, shocked and terrified
Is left immobilized in a state of panic

Person #4
Sees the fire
And immediately takes action
First, phoning the fire department
Then, knocking on the door to
Wake up the inhabitants

Person #5
Sees the fire
And, daring what no one else would
Enters the house to try to
Save the inhabitants

Person #6
Sees the fire
Surveys the scene
And discovers an opportunity
To promote his own interests and
Make a buck
(He’s the one handing out
His business card to sell his stuff)

Person #7
Set the fire
And lurks unnoticed
Watching the destruction
Not caring really
About anything at all.

_

The house is Mother Earth.

Which person are you?

This poem encapsulates the central, overriding issue of our time: our world is on fire and on the verge of collapse; what are each of us willing to do about it? How do we galvanize people to do what is necessary and right?

Of course, very few of us are willing to risk our own lives to do good in this world, though we are eternally grateful to those who do. But let’s try, all of us, to do our best to be number 4’s. Let’s help to put out the fire.

Unfortunately, one of the biggest problems at this particular point in time is that there are too few people who are working hard to douse the flames. Most people are 1’s, 2’s or 3’s.

The 1’s are the people who don’t even see that the house is on fire. They don’t really understand that there is a problem. They live in ignorance of the situation, consumed with the trials of everyday living. We must wake them up, educate them and ask them politely to help us put out the fire. After all, most of them are decent people. They are your friends and neighbors.

The 2’s are perhaps the most frustrating. There are an awful lot of them out there. Most we would consider good people, but good people don’t always do the right thing. They know that the world is on fire, but they refuse to help in any way to put it out. They just don’t want to make the effort.

Are they lazy? Some perhaps. Apathetic? Yes, some are just too comfortable and want to live their lives in a self-centered kind of way without bothering about the larger community. Some are just too jaded and cynical, believing that there is nothing they can do that will make any difference. Their negative outlooks defeat them before they even make an attempt to rise to the challenge.

These are never the people we look up to. They are not the people who inspire, the people who win our respect. Throughout history, they have won plenty of shame, but no acclaim. These are the people to whom we must say, ultimately, “If you can’t lend a hand, please get out of the way.”

The 3’s are good people, too. They understand the world is in trouble. They have some knowledge of what is happening. Some know too much, perhaps, and are paralyzed with fear, not knowing what to do. Some just don’t have the psychological or emotional fortitude to cope with the enormity of the issues, so they avoid thinking about them or dealing with them in any way. We must help them to overcome their fears and persuade them to join us, as much as they are able, to help save the world.

The 4’s and 5’s, of course, are the people who conscientiously give of themselves to help others. We need more people like this. This book, hopefully, will convince you to become one (if you’re not one already).

The 6’s and 7’s, on the other hand, are the people who are really causing problems for those of us who are working to put out the fire. Continue reading


Calling Jeremy Clarkson’s ‘choice’ to physical assault/abuse a ‘fracas’ = perfect example of society’s need to minimize abuse.

Due to Clarkson’s popularity, all his followers are of course minimizing and trivialising the abuse he made a choice to inflict on someone. And he has a history of abuse.

Many are even going as far as saying the victim deserved what he got.

Wow.

Calling him racist names, verbally abusing him for 20 minutes, and then punching him – over ‘food’ (reportedly) – is verbal and physical assault, abuse. And this should result in anyone getting sacked. Especially when they have a history of abusive behaviours.

But, society just loves to minimize and trivialise abuse – when they have selfish reasons to want to support, condone and encourage the abuser.

Classic example, all over social media, of statements being made of minimizing abuse.

As usual narcissistic/sociopathicpsychopathic abuse – minimized, trivialised, ignored, condoned.

It’s everywhere.

And this is one of the main reasons why abuse of every kind, is increasing.

Continue reading


Is it wise to be promoting Mardi Gras as okay….. healthy….. safe ?

I don’t have issues with people being gay, or bisexual. I do have issues these days, with lifestyle choices that are not appropriate, and not wise, are about sex without self respect and hyper-sexualised behaviours, relaying an unhealthy message to society.

Mardi Gras is known to be about gay pride, but also known to be about partying, wearing little, tight spandex and being sexually provocative/promiscious, plus drugs and alcohol.

I personally, have changed a lot on my moral compass and I know many issues society encourages and normalises, are not okay. They promote sexual behaviours that are not about love, respect, or self respect.

I used to wear next to nothing, show a lot of skin, be sexually provocative and sexually promiscuous….. but now I realise that is all very unhealthy and about lack of self respect, plus a heap of abuse related issues – all disordered. Now I choose not to be involved in that.

So, whilst I understand gay people wish to be proud and okay with who they are…….. is the Mardi Gras lifestyle what most gay people are even involved in. They are not. And many quite rightly, do not want to be associated with it.

And the Mardi Gras lifestyle, if about heterosexual behaviours, to me is not okay. This does not mean I think people involved in Mardi Gras are bad people at all. I just don’t support the behaviour as healthy, or respectful.

And I noticed one of the biggest Aus mental health organisations Beyond Blue – were promoting and joining in with the Mardi Gras celebrations. Which concerns me.

I think too many in society believe ‘being who you are’ and proud of that, is needed……. regardless of whether this is morally decent, or healthy, or safe, or not.

In the heterosexual world, examples of this are 50 Shades of Grey and the BDSM lifestyle, which I do not agree are healthy.

So, this issue I have with Mardi Gras, is not a ‘gay’ issue. I am sexually attracted to women myself, so I don’t have an issue with being gay or being bisexual. And if my marriage breaks down and we get divorced, I think I probably would only ever consider a relationship with a woman in the future.

But, I do not believe in promoting unhealthy lifestyles that promote low standards of morality and lack of respect.

I was glad to see this article about a gay man, who also takes issues with the Mardi Gras celebrations and the negative image it creates for all gay people.

http://www.couriermail.com.au/lifestyle/mardi-gras-2015-im-not-proud-to-be-gay/story-fnixw28g-1227252721752?utm_content=SocialFlow&utm_campaign=EditorialSF&utm_source=CourierMail&utm_medium=Facebook


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Don’t become a better asshole…

This needs to be said…..as society pushes constantly for people to just ‘be who they are’, don’t change you are perfect’……without clarifying that any yucky stuff, any stuff that affects and harm others……..needs to be worked on and not just ignored, excused and enabled.

I do not encourage behaviours and attitudes that are unhealthy, dysfunctional and harms others, as this is very unwise.

I encourage people growing, and learning and becoming better people……not becoming entitled and enabling of their own dysfunction.

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I understand now….it is futile trying to explain empathy, to someone who only has the capacity for sympathy.

Empathy, is no-where near as common as most believe. People get very confused between sympathy and empathy.

Trauma/abuse survivors need empathy……..and anything else is unhelpful, shaming, invalidating and hurts……even if completely unintentional – which I do realise in many cases it is.

So for all the people who choose to state the following types of comments and beliefs….they do not have empathy…

‘Look at the positives’, ‘silver lining’, ‘at least…xyz’, ‘it could be worse’, ‘count your blessings’, ‘you need to move on..’, ‘you need to do xyz’ – types of people….

The following video by Prof. Brene Brown, is helpful to me and others…………to realise who does and who does not have empathy…..and ‘why’ people’s lack of empathy really does hurt…………..

http://www.thinkinghumanity.com/2015/01/the-difference-between-sympathy-and-empathy.html


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I think it’s needed to think about what’s healthy, and what isn’t…

A post to my page……….as I think it is needed for people to actually think about what is healthy?

Some thoughts on ‘feeling bad’….

There is a really big issue in society, with people being made to ‘feel bad’…..for ‘feeling bad’.

It is taken as weakness, to feel sadness, grieving, anger and hurt, no matter what has been endured to cause it.

Comparisons and judgments are made.

Timescales are imposed…..”aren’t you over that yet?”

Assumptions are made as to the person ‘choosing’ to feel the way they do.

People believe ‘their’ version of what is strength and courage is the ‘only’ worthy belief….they must be right.

Positive thinking, that often only masks, hides & suppresses emotions and stops deeper healing… is seen wrongly as ‘strength’.

People immaturely believe “if you are sad – you are weak and if you are happy – you are strong”.

People who have very valid reasons for feeling bad…..are made to feel more ‘bad’, for feeling bad.

And like failures, for not living up to other people’s beliefs.

And none of this is anything to do with empathy, or compassion.

It is all from a very selfish and self serving mindset.

And it further shames people.

Society, is built on foundations of shame, I see that clearly, as with experts, like Brene Brown ~ who has humility, something else seen wrongly as weakness.

What do you think?