I postponed the appointment with the psychologist. Still don’t know what to do.

I had an appointment booked this week with a psychologist, and I postponed, because I am confused and don’t know what to do.

Due to issues within my counselling, which have been an ongoing issues that worsened, I had decided to seek new therapy. I recognise there has been good in my counselling, but the negative things have created a lack of trust, a lack of safety and quite frankly, I am tired of them. I’ve blogged about them, so I don’t intend rehashing it.

I also recognise I am not fully healed, I still have ongoing issues, I am still grieving and it would be wise to seek help with that.

I did attend a counselling appointment this week and yet again, confronted the issues and I did receive an apology and a sort of explanation. But, I can’t say I trust the explanation or even believe it represented the situation. She seemed pretty uncomfortable and I could tell she was struggling with talking about ‘her’ stuff.

Propogating plants, my new gardening passion :)

Gardening has become therapy for me. In so many ways. I love it and it brings me joy. I am currently learning how to propagate plants, so that I can grow my own plants and this will cost less long term. I’ve successfully propagated succulents (so easy), agaves, and other plants.

Geraniums have a special significance for me, due to many holidays in Spain, Greece – where geraniums grow abundantly. I can’t afford to go back to these countries, so I’m bringing a little Spain and Greece into my own garden.

Gardening Therapy :)

My gardening is my therapy, my mindfulness, my stress reduction, my joy, my creativity, my inner child healing, my place of safety.

I’m a firm believer in creativity of some kind, being soothing and healing to the traumatised brain. As are many experts.

Gardening therapy…. some new garden friends.

Gardening has become really important to me. It is part of my own therapy.

I realise I have done most of my own therapy over the last 3 years. Even my first counsellor, stated I do most of my own therapy. I have the capacity to think deeply about everything and process and work it all out. Something I had to develop very young, due to growing in the ‘garden of evil’. Now I am creating a ‘garden of peace’.

Gardening was something I started doing in the last year, as part of my inner child healing I worked I needed. And it is a form of mindfulness too.

I’ve created this little oasis of peace and tranquillity in my back yard and much of it is based on inner child healing work. I have cute, girlie things like fairies and little animals. All stuff that appeals to the inner child in me, who requires ongoing nourishing, healing, safety and kindness. And is allowed to be a child.

My garden is the only place I ever feel close to any peace, any safety and is of great therapeutic quality.

These are some new cute gardening ornaments my husband bought me, as they were on sale. And they are very cute and welcome, pretty addictions to my fairy deck.

Clients want to know how much a therapist ‘cares’, more than how much they understand.

This was a tweet by Mick Cooper, who is a psychologist and professor at a university.

This is a subject many don’t want to raise. But, I will.

Frankly, I cannot trust anyone who I do not believe actually genuinely cares about me. And unless they make that it very clear they do, that barrier will always be there.

Therapists, have their own physical and emotional boundaries and they need them. And that’s okay. But, this does not help complex trauma survivors, who already have such deep trust wounds.

I had some kind of bond with my therapist. And I know I have forced myself to no longer have this, for several reasons.  I have forced myself to disconnect from that, and issues that arose, have led to that.

I had to learn to be this for myself…… True colours ~ Eva Cassidy

“True Colors”

You with the sad eyes
Don’t be discouraged
Oh I realize
It’s hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness there inside you
Can make you feel so smallBut I see your true colors
Shining through
See your true colors
And that’s why I love you
So don’t be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbowShow me a smile then,
Don’t be unhappy, can’t remember when I last saw you laugh
If this world makes you crazy
And you’ve taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I’ll be there

More gardening therapy and healing…..

I see my gardening and transforming my yard/gardens…..as therapy and healing.

Before pics…

A grassy patch, become a muddy patch…then….

.

After pics…..

After path, archway and planting..

Sleeper pathway, with pretty white stones and sparkly blue stone…..all under the arch,

My gorgeous tree, which is a bizarre shape……..like a huge bonsai tree 🙂

Pretty things hanging from the tree 🙂

Gorgeous purple and turquoise butterfly wind chime 🙂