Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


Judge asks rape victim “Why didn’t you keep your knees together”. Absolute victim blaming/shaming.

http://www.aww.com.au/latest-news/news-stories/canadian-judge-apologises-after-shocking-rape-remarks-23103

Read this article about a judge who asked a rape victim “why didn’t you keep your knees together?” Appalling, disgusting and absolute victim blaming and victim shaming. Taking the responsibility of this rape from the rapist, to the victim.

This judge has been forced to apologise, due to complaints made.

This women has already been traumatised, in one of the worst ways possible, then Continue reading


I find it quite bizarre how so many people can believe Buddhism is about compassion.

There is an increasing belief in society, that Buddhism is all about compassion. I’ve studied it, and know how far from the truth that is. I am so thankful to have the capacity to have worked that out.

I was told by an ordained Buddhist monk, that I was abused so badly in childhood, because I “must have done something bad in a previous life, to deserve this bad karma”. So it was my own fault. In Buddhism there is no other explanation to child abuse.

If anyone believes ‘that’ is compassion, or even rational thinking, they are deluded.

This is absolute crap and emotional abuse, to suggest a child ‘deserves’ to be abused, because of a supposed past life, that no-one can even prove existed.

The ONLY reason I was abused, was absolutely nothing to do with me. It was about the deep issues and dark hearts of those who made choices to abuse me. I am not in ANY way responsible for it, and neither is any other abuse survivor.

Buddhism, is nothing more than victim blaming/shaming and not wanting people who do wrong, to take responsibility. It takes away the need for responsibility and the need to take any action against abusive people and people who do wrong, and it become a very convenient ‘easy way out’ to doing nothing. Very appealing to many, who don’t want to choose action and courage. And would rather avoid and be apathetic.

“I don’t have to do anything about an abuser, because karma will do it for me”. Really? Very convenient. Very lazy. Very irrational. And if that abusive person harms someone else, because I ignored dealing with, well… that is that victims karma. Wow.

Karma, is not even rational thinking. There is no rational basis to it. It is magical thinking. Continue reading


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All the many levels of shame…. was/is never mine to feel. But I still do.

As I have no-one in my life to validate and tell me these words ‘it’s not my shame’, I will keep saying it to myself, until I finally and hopefully believe it.

Shame is something that has plagued my entire life and continues to. It’s something I will probably feel for the rest of my life.

Child sexual abuse survivors, who were groomed and have parents involved……. suffer so many levels of painful and horrific shame…

shame

My shame issues are…

Shame of not being loved. By parents. By family. By anyone.

Shame of the actual child sexual abuse, which is due to the loss of innocence and violation of the child’s body in the worst possible way.

Shame of the issues that occur within being groomed and how they manipulate their victims to actually want what they are doing at the beginning. And other deep issues that occur within intense grooming of children/teenagers.

Shame of ‘victim blaming’ that occurs at the time – being made to believe you deserve it and nothing better. And then later victim blaming throughout adulthood and is rife throughout society and toxic religious people.

Shame of being treated so badly when disclosing the child sexual abuse, and further shame inflicted.

Shame of ‘shame shifting’ where the shame that ‘is’ the abusers, gets transferred to the victim, by many.

Shame of being ‘made’ to have compassion and forgiveness for those who we do ‘not’ in fact have to have any compassion or forgiveness for. And being made to feel like ‘we’ are the ones who are ‘wrong/bad’ if we don’t and other people projecting they are ‘better’ than us, if they claim to forgive/have compassion. More shaming.

Shame of having mental health issues and all many stigma and ignorance issues, leading to more shame. How not ‘recovering well/quick enough’, is shaming. Not being positive/happy enough, is shaming. Etc.

Shame of feeling like there is something wrong with you because all this happened to you, and the belief system that there is something intrinsically wrong with you – if even your own parents wanted to hurt you this much and never loved you. Continue reading


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I realise I am becoming an ‘anti-victim shaming’ advocate.

After a lifetime of shame from others, and shame I feel towards myself as a result…. plus the levels of victim shaming I see throughout society, within the medical/mental health field, even within the mental health/ abuse survivor advocacy field, and within religion…..becoming very anti-victim shame/blame, is a growing passion of mine.

Just a few of the shaming tactics I see used…

1. The epidemic of victim blaming… suggesting victims of abuse have done something to lead to the abuse, and are therefore responsible – taking the responsibility away from the abuser. This shames the victims and causes further trauma.

2. The ‘don’t be a victim’ slogan/attitude…. which is victim shaming in itself…. widely used within the mental health field. It makes people struggling feel worthless and not want to reach out. They suffer in silence as a result. It leads to more suicides.

3. The continual drive to say all victims of abuse with mental health issues, can recover in full. Not all mental health can be recovered from, or completely healed. And to insist everyone can recover places unrealistic expectations and demands, that cannot be attained…. making those who cannot recover, feel worse.

4. The toxic drive to force victims of abuse to forgive their abusers, and have compassion for their abusers. That is no-one else’s call to make, other than the victim. No-one ‘has’ to forgive severe intentional abuse. Plus, those who then consider themselves ‘better’ and more moral for their insistence that forgiveness is compulsory…. shaming victims who choose not to forgive, in the process. Forgiveness, is not compulsory. Continue reading


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Religious people can be ‘stunningly offensive’ and they often really don’t care.

http://www.theage.com.au/victoria/jill-meaghers-family-hits-back-at-priests-derogatory-comments-20150329-1ma0zm.html

The news and social media is awash with many disgusted by this priests ‘stunningly offensive’ victim blaming comments about Jill Meagher.

And even though he has apologised – I know this apology is likely to be only forced – due to the public backlash against him and to protect the Catholic Church’s image.

I know for a fact that victim blaming occurs with many religious people.

I’ve been subjected to it in ‘Christian’ counselling.

Victim blaming is a common viewpoint in religious people and it is not just the Catholic church. The church overall has a huge history of protecting and enabling paedophiles, condoning domestic violence in marriages, physical and sexual child abuse, condoning masses of spiritual abuse….. plus these views of how a woman raped and murdered by a predator, is ‘her own fault’ …… are all very common issues.

When you challenge religious people, they often truly don’t care and stand by their abusive views 100% – as they can be the worst for disordered, dysfunctional and abusive views.

Victim blaming is widespread and increasing and no-where is that more present than within religious people.

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1 Comment

Glad to give my views about Jill Meagher and the disgusting victim blaming comments by a priest.

Glad to be able comment online about the disgusting victim blaming comments an Australian priest made about Jill Meagher’s rape and murder.

Glad to see my comment on a well known news website, has by far the most likes, and not simply because I want the ‘most’ likes – but so a healthy view by a Christian can be given, to show that not all Christians are abusive, victim blaming, abuser enablers – like too many religious people choose to be.

I realise all I can ever do is state my views, model what I believe and know is right, and hope it resonates with someone.

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2 Comments

Perfect example of victim blaming by religious people “Catholic Church’s comments about Jill Meagher”

http://www.9news.com.au/national/2015/03/28/08/40/melbourne-priest-apologises-for-debased-comments-about-jill-meagher-to-primary-school-students

Someone needs to tell all these religious ‘abuser enablers’ to SHUT UP.

It is unbelievable to me, how many of them victim blame/shame. And how many go along with it, like sheep.

To blame Jill Meagher for what happened to her – being raped and murdered – completely takes away the 100% responsibility of the murderer/rapist’s actions and choices and the responsibility of those let him out of prison on bail, ‘knowing’ he would likely attack again – therefore, failing to protect society.

I totally agree that we need to be careful – but that in NO way means that when a predator attacks someone, that the blame should be given to the victim.

Religious people can be the most fucked up people of all when it comes to abusers, and abuse.

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Society needs to start putting the responsibility where it belongs, with the abusers and stop victim blaming/shaming.

A post to my page today….

abuser role

I see ‘victim blaming/victim shaming’ everywhere.

Victims/survivors of abuse, sexual violence, domestic violence, are often told in society they are ‘acting the victim’ – which is disgusting, ignorance, uneducated in trauma psychology, abusive and re-traumatising.

Abuse – is ALWAYS the responsibility, fault, blame of the abuser and they made choices to abuse.

There may be some reasons why people end up abusers, but they are never an excuse to harm another human being.

Too many excuses are made for abusers.

Continue reading