Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

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I started to do better, when I rejected the pressure of being a ‘warrior recovery success story’.

I stopped putting pressure on myself to be a ‘recovery warrior’ some time back, when I realised the pressure and the shaming involved in that, was too great a burden to carry.

I see how people with mental health issues, are shamed continually. This includes being compared to the ‘recovery success’ stories, those who claim to be healed etc. The poster children for recovery continually projected onto us all.

I’m not a ‘recovery success story’ and I am okay with that.

I battle my health issues – both physical and mental health issues, every day. I do my best and that is always good enough. No matter how it looks to anyone else.

I have okay days, I have bad days and I have downright ugly days. And I never give up, I never quit, I keep at it. And that takes courage and strength and I am now absolutely okay with this.

There has been healing along my 3 year healing journey. I’ve learned many coping strategies and got better at them. I’ve processed a considerable amount of horrific trauma. I’ve come to have to accept the truth about the depth and severity of the abuse I endured in the first 20 years of my life…. and that is trauma in itself… to deal with reality and truth of sexual exploitation, my mother and step father being complicit in it all etc.

It has taken considerable courage to face and deal with all this.

I have had the deeply profound and complex issues of complex trauma to deal with, as well as the ongoing PTSD and Complex PTSD to deal with. And each day I deal with it.

I am okay I am not a ‘recovery success story’ …. of the type demanded by society and the mental health industry.

‘Success’ in society is a huge issue. In any area of life, people are only considered worthy when they are a ‘success’ and considered unworthy when they are not. It is a huge ‘shaming’ issue that many in society embrace. Sadly.

I may never fully recover, but I keep moving forward to a better quality of life and healing all the many wounds. I have hope and I try to give hope to others, in a far more empathic and non judgmental/opinionated way than many I see.

I may never be considered worthy of being TED speaker, or a motivational speaker, because I am not the ‘success story’ society demands and only considers worthy. And I’m okay with that.

But, I am a success in my own journey. Of surviving all I have, never giving up, and working as much as I am capable on my wounds and my health.

And when I realised the stigmatising issues and further shaming that goes on with having to be seen to always be a ‘recovery warrior’, and how many journey’s are not an elevator ride up to being recovered….. I actually started to move forward in my journey more. Removing the pressure, was a relief and a much needed act of self compassion.

This is a message I hope others take to heart. Continue reading

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Good tears …. being emotionally moved at seeing such beauty and light, in some people.

I follow a community project on Facebook, with volunteers who collect donations for the homeless in my local area. I’ve been purchasing items and collecting for donations, and see all the donations from others. It’s wonderful to see compassion in action.

A post today was a picture of a pile of hand-knitted beanies, someone had knitted for homeless people. The message with the picture stated a 93 year old lady had knitted and donated them, and she also volunteers at the hospital every week too.

93 years old! This is humanity at it’s best. Caring, compassion, effort, volunteering, giving, and not even letting age get in the way.

This made me cry, because I want so much for humanity generally to be like this. They were good tears, of seeing compassion at work and such beautiful heart and soul, giving back to the community and helping those in need, at the age of 93.

Just so beautiful. I wish I had the honour of knowing this lady.

These are the types of people I want in my life. Those who inspire me to do more. Those who remind me of the goodness some people have. Those who have the virtues and souls, I crave to be around. Those who encourage and inspire me to be a better person. Those who are fine examples of humanity, at it’s best. Continue reading


Volunteering, is one of the ways to increase Post Traumatic Growth, as well as growth and compassion.

volunteering2Volunteering, is something those with empathy, a conscience and a willingness to give, with no reward in return. Volunteers are often wonderful people, with big hearts and light in their souls.

I’ve always known since I was 20, that volunteering is an important part of life.

I see how so many people only give with a ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude. And want money, fame, recognition, or something that makes it ‘worth their effort’. Volunteers are not concerned with this.


I’ve been volunteering my time and effort for 3 years, helping those who are dealing with PTSD and Complex PTSD, abuse and complex trauma  survivors, via my website, blog and social media work.

I started volunteering at a food bank charity several months ago and it’s already somewhere I feel makes a difference to those in need. They are diverse group of people I volunteer with and I have spent time talking with some, listening to their life problems and offering a compassionate ear. Being someone who listens, non judgmentally. Most of the volunteers have some level of issues occurring. Such is life.

Last week, a woman was withdrawn and quiet and not being her normal self. As I am someone who subconsciously learns people’s behaviours, and picks up on people’s emotions etc… I noticed she was not okay, where others didn’t. I started a conversation and it led to telling me her stresses and her being emotional and in tears. I let her talk, and validated her stresses and worries, which were mostly financial, were valid and understandable. We had hugs and she said she felt better being able to release some tears and someone listening and not being told to just ‘be positive’.

I barely know this woman, but what I was able to offer her, was what she needed. And she was glad I noticed her need. This led to a conversation with others who joined in, where it was discussed how emotions are okay and bottling them up, isn’t healthy. How it’s okay to not be okay, and reach out for help. It was a good conversation, with a good outcomes. Continue reading

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Mental illness, has become the cop out cognitive distortion excuse, for all bad behaviour.

Mental illness, has become the excuse for all bad/nasty/abusive behaviour. I see it everywhere. People automatically jump to the excuse ‘she/he must me mentally unwell’. It’s easy to blame mental illness.

Easier than accepting some people choose, willingly to do evil and will manipulate everyone around them, to believe either they didn’t do something, blame someone else, blame their childhood, or just simply deem they are not responsible for their actions.

There are people who manipulate, groom, prey on vulnerable people, lie, deceive, exploit and they enjoy it. This is mentally unhealthy, but not mental illness. It is a choice. It is evil at work and people choose this. They know it’s wrong, and they do it anyway. They are fully aware of their actions and the consequences to their victims, and they do it anyway.

Making excuses for them, may seem the compassionate way to deal with them. And people feel good about themselves when they act ‘compassionately’. And is exactly what these predators want. They have manipulated those people too.

There are people who do wrong, do terrible things and they are mentally ill, or they have taken drugs, they have psychosis. But there are also many who do terrible things to other people intentionally and do not fall into these categories of reasons. They are fully aware of their actions.

There are many that do what they do, simply because they like hurting people, they like manipulating people, they like taking advantage of people, they like exploiting people. Continue reading


Interestingly, the worst bullying and harassment I have had on social media, has been from ex military.

Firstly, I will state that many ex military are wonderful people. In no way, am I generalising all ex military, or current military as the same.

The worst bullying and harassment on social media, has been from ex military. And I see why. The military attracts and develops people into beings with little conscience, little empathy and an ability to destroy people – with no remorse, with the ‘reason’ of protecting their country. It gives them the belief that this psychopathic behaviour, is okay. The military develop and grow people into fighting machines, with pack mentality, where retaliation and revenge are part of the job. They are taught/forced to suppress all emotions, all sense of conscience, all sense of remorse. All the hallmarks of highly disordered/unhealthy people. And the better the psychopath they become, the more they are hailed as being a military success.

I’ve read so many articles on the internet about how the military has higher than average levels of narcissists /sociopaths/ psychopaths and it’s easy to see why. And how many will be further up that continuum than average.

And even the ‘fight’ trauma response in itself, is narcissistic. See http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/#!about1/c2bg

I think the military destroys many people.

My husband works with a few fellow cops, who were ex military and they have confirmed how higher levels of violence, bullying, and nasty behaviour does go on, how many have a ‘chip on their shoulder’ and they have seen this for themselves. How they treat their families badly and feel so entitled in their actions.

It makes sense to me how this occurs, when you consider the type of training and combat training they endure. And the psychological implications of this. Continue reading


“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” Says a psychologist.

I was watching the TV earlier and a psychologist was talking with someone who is dealing with serious emotional issues publicly, due to being in a reality show. The person complained about the lies and crap being promoted by people and how damaging, hurtful and upsetting it is.

The psychologist asked the really obvious question “If it’s harming you to be dealing with all this in the public eye, why are you doing this (reality show)?” And added “you don’t need to be doing this”.

Even though I am not on a reality show, I have put myself out there in a public way, by having this blog, and more so on social media accounts. And these promote the opportunity for people to react, respond and act badly, in response to what I do, what I write and how I defend myself against unhealthy people.  This more ‘public’ situation, attracts the haters and people with no conscience who act in a really nasty and negative way.

I could not fail to apply this question to myself…….. even though the two situations are very different in many ways, but similar in some ways.

“If it’s harming you, why are you doing it?” With regard to social media. The public domain situation. Continue reading

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The Impact Of Narcisisstic Parents, On Their Children – Seth Meyers Psy.D

It is so helpful to read information and validation from professionals, who do understand the full impact of the toxic and profound abuse, narcissistic parents cause.


From the above link…

It’s not until the adult children of a narcissist get (a lot of) psychotherapy, or have a life-changing experience that pulls them away them from the disturbed parent that these adult children can truly begin to heal – and then create better, more normal relationships that offer the give-and-take reciprocation most of us have and value in our relationships.

If you happen to be someone who has suffered at the hands of a narcissistic parent, talk to your friends and other family members about your experience, and consider talking to a mental health professional. After years of dealing with the inconsistency of a narcissistic parent, it can be extremely healing to have a therapist help you make sense of the craziness. Continue reading


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