Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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My husband thinks I should go to counselling tomorrow.

My counsellor has been away for a month on holiday. Prior to that, I had become really annoyed at the continual ‘shaming’ of being made to feel like I am not good enough and a bad person, because I do not think about predators/perpetrators of severe prolonged abuse, exactly as she does.

I’m increasingly aware of ‘shame shifting’ from perpetrator to victim. I’ve always instinctively known this is very wrong and I refuse to be ‘shamed’ any further. I have an appropriate thought process, for predators, paedophiles, sex offenders, and other such people.

I don’t believe in revenge, karma, retaliation, them being abused back. because all that is wrong. And I’ve never wanted any of that. I don’t condemn them, I don’t want them ‘burn in hell’. My opinions are actually far more ‘compassionate’ than many in society who do believe in retaliation being required, think paedophiles/predators should be hurt back, given the death penalty etc. I don’t.

But, I also believe for those who choose to make people suffer, particularly children, and are likely to do it again (which is most of them), they need to be in prison. The rights and safety of children are more important than the rights of offenders, who are mostly pathological liars.

I do not believe in demanding victims having to have compassion or forgiveness for those who intentionally harmed them in such vile, disgusting and horrendous ways, and have no remorse/empathy/conscience.

Demanding this, is shame shifting. To suggest survivors are ‘bad people’ for not forgiving/having compassion is shame/blame shifting. So very wrong.

Considering all I have been through, the very fact that I cringe when I hear of any prisoner being beaten up (regardless of what they have done) and I do wish for their sakes they were not people who enjoy making others suffer, I still remain very aware of the choices they choose to make. Repeatedly. That is choosing evil.

I’m aware my counsellor believes she is right, and needs to think the way she does so she can be seen/feel she is ‘professional’ as a doctor/counsellor. And it makes her feel like a good Christian. Her constant need to project her opinion about predators/offenders and how she feels about them etc… is simply nothing more than her opinion. Continue reading


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Must get my book finished & published. Especially as I have so much support from professionals.

I’m aware, I have a lot of support from professionals, in the trauma / mental health / PTSD field.

I am aware of the need for more info about Complex Trauma & Complex PTSD to be out there, to validate other survivors, provide info and education from a sufferer perspective.

And I am a multiple complex trauma survivor, with much experience of different types of complex trauma and trauma which includes every type of abuse. And complex trauma is still a relatively new field of psychology and I have had many professionals confirm they have learned from my blog and website, to better helps their clients. That is really important and significant. Continue reading


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Had a lovely few days away. A much needed family break that reminded me how blessed I am.

Had a lovely few days away with my children and husband. It was needed and as we haven’t had a holiday this year, we made the most of these couple of days.

It was beautiful weather, the sky was so blue, the beaches were beautiful and it was a good mix of busy and relaxing.

I love taking photos, so I have a gazillion! Okay, maybe more like 400.

I am blessed, and life can be as wonderful as it can be horrendous. I am aware of that and I do try continually to keep focussed on the beauty and blessings around me.

My beautiful boys, my biggest blessings <3 <3DSC_0512-001

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Such an honour to receive a Sunshine Blogger Award, from David Susman

http://davidsusman.com/2015/07/30/get-to-know-these-11-awesome-advocates/

sunshine blogger award

“My Nominations for the Sunshine Blogger Award:

Please be sure to check out these fantastic bloggers. They are all great mental health advocates who show compassion and courage through their posts and they go the extra mile by offering information and resources to help others.”

David Susman is a highly regarded mental health professional & professor of psychology, with an extensive and esteemed career.

It is a huge honour to be nominated for this award with 10 others, from David’s huge list of advocate’s he follows and supports.

I’m overwhelmed, but very thankful and very blessed.


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My husband just booked 2 nights away at a hotel, for a family break.

My husband knows how low I am. He knows I am struggling badly. He just booked 2 nights away at a hotel, for us all as a family. He says we need a break.

My children will love it. The hotel pool is heated, so hopefully warm enough to swim in. It’s near the theme parks we have yearly passes for. It’s at the beach, so that will be lovely. My children love the beach. It’s my favourite place to be, walking along the beach, smelling the sea air. The weather is forecast to be lovely.

So, we get up early in the morning, pack a suitcase and go.

It will be nice to get away.


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I realise I need specialised trauma counselling, to deal with all the sexual abuse.

I know I am going to have to find another counsellor. Only one who specialises in child sexual abuse trauma and exploitation. One who doesn’t shame me.

I’m not coping with the exploitation stuff. I’m not coping with the shame of all the grooming. I’m not coping with trying to do this on my own.

I would rather die, than have to feel any more of this pain.

Again, I’m at that place where it’s only my children keeping me alive.

I’m going to have to find a counsellor, and pay whatever it costs. Continue reading


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Fragile & unsafe. Staying off social media. Distracting myself.

My past is really haunting me at the moment. I was pretty much suicidal last night. I’m fragile today. I have no support. I’m caring for myself the best I can.

I’m staying off social media, to avoid anymore triggers and emotional pain. I also cannot read any more reports about other severe child sexual abuse cases, because the pain is too intense. I guess this is better self care than I have managed in the past.

I’m distracting myself as best I can. Going outside in my gardens. Reading up on/watching YouTube video’s on propagating plants, which I want to have a go at. Gardening is soothing and comforting to me. Although only barely so, today.

I’ve just had a shower and washed my hair and I’m about to make a cup of tea and watch some TV. I guess that’s self care too. Continue reading

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