New plants in my garden :-)
Boundaries from unhealthy people, has been a much needed learning curve for me. You don’t learn healthy boundaries when raised in a highly dysfunctional, abusive home. Especially where both parents are abusive and had no healthy boundaries themselves.
It becomes ‘normal’ ‘familiar’ to be around toxic/unhealthy people and not have enough self respect and self worth to keep a healthy distance. It’s how people can get hurt/traumatised repeatedly and not understand why. Toxic people also sense soft boundaries and that causes further trauma occurring.
I’ve worked hard on my self worth, self respect, self care and boundaries. When they are tested, I see the improvement. I don’t allow toxic in my life anymore. I also don’t allow the toxic of others, to rent room in my head anymore. I don’t rise to the bait. I don’t allow the issues of others, to become about me. I leave it where it originated.
Testing situations can arise and in the past and even a few years ago, I would have ‘taken the bait’. Now I do not. It is a much needed act of self care, self compassion, self worth and self growth. Self control, impulse control having all increased. This also reduces emotions rising, when I can easily see these issues, are not about me.
In fact every person who has harmed me, had their own severe issues, that were never anything to do with me. If it wasn’t me they hurt, it would have been someone else. Continue reading
I’ve read a fair bit about Acceptance & Commitment Therapy – known as ACT, and I know I am in that stage of healing/therapy. This has become especially clear reading ‘The Happiness Trap’ book. The book is based upon ACT therapy and I see as I am reading through it, how I am well and truly in this stage.
I am still grieving. I have accepted my past in it’s full and painful entirety and how I can manage the consequences of it. I know I will grieve for a long time and it will lesson over time.
ACT therapy, as defined in this book, is to achieve 2 main goals.
- Effectively handle painful thoughts and emotions.
- Create a rich, full and meaningful life.
I know my counsellor has stated several times recently, how I am able to discuss my past trauma and the timeline of events etc, in a really coherent way. This is due to my acceptance of my trauma history and having processed it to the point where I can speak about it coherently now and without emotions becoming overwhelming. I am able to more effectively manage painful thoughts, emotions, along with triggers etc.
I am working on creating a meaningful life, as this is important to me. My life is being shaped within the integrity of my core values, my integrity to what I feel is meaningful and removing what is not. Continue reading
Platitudes such as this one, are popular. They self soothe and appeal to those who don’t think deeply and don’t want to deal with truth and reality.
Darkness, is never a gift. To suggest it is, is rationalising it, which is disordered, unwise thinking. Putting some irrational positive meaning to why it occurred and why it is ‘good’. It isn’t good. Continue reading
The Happiness Trap is based on the principles of ACT, a revolutionary new mindfulness-based model, developed from cutting-edge research in behavioural psychology. The aim of ACT is to maximise human potential for a rich and meaningful life, and a wealth of published scientific studies prove its effectiveness. So if you want to escape “the happiness trap” and find meaning and fulfillment in life, this book is for you.
(Note: this book steers well clear of popular but non-scientific approaches, such as ‘positive thinking’, ‘positive affirmations’ and ‘self-hypnosis’; although such techniques may make you feel good in the short term, they simply do not work in the long term.)
I am great believer in the single minded pursuit of happiness, being BS and makes society weaker. I see it clearly causes more problems, than it solves.
I’ve read many articles of how seeking happiness and ‘positive thinking’ may seem great, but they do not work long term. I see the shallowness of these concepts and the actual harm they cause. Continue reading
This applies to anyone who you know cannot be in your life and where you are able to have no contact. This applies to toxic/unhealthy/abusive family, friends, ex’s.
If they continue to be toxic, there is no need to keep them in your life in any way. We don’t need to be martyrs to people who cause us harm, where they have no intention of ceasing causing harm. To stay in contact and continue to be harmed, is an act of emotional self harm. Continue reading