When your children & a puppy, run around a garden.

How can you be sad, when your children and your puppy, are running around the lawn. It’s so precious and cute. I love to see my boys laughing, running around, having fun. Hearing my 13 year olds voice break and sound all high as he laughs. Hearing my 7 year giggling, in that cute way younger children giggle.

Even in times when it’s painful…. there are amazingly wonderful things I cannot fail to smile about.

I am someone who can hold different emotions, at the same time. So I can be happy with what’s happening right now, and feel the joy in it. Whilst also having that underlying pain and grieving. I’ve had a lifetime of practise at being sad and in pain deep down, whilst trying to focus on the present and seeing the good in the here and now.

This doesn’t mean I believe in avoiding dealing with the pain, grieving. But, I now have times I allow myself that, and times when I focus on the here and now.

I know this is why mindfulness, is needed. And when I’m with my children, is a time when I try the hardest. And it works.

This is why I advocate for learning coping/management strategies, that help

Garden pics :)

 

More of my healing garden pics :)

Gardening has become my favourite way to be mindful of the here and now.

It’s also my joy, my escape and my relaxation. Plus, it’s really beautiful.

To know I created all this, and see the beauty every day, is very healing.

Gardening, soothes my soul :)

Spent a few hours out in the garden today. Gardening soothes my soul. Reminds me of all the beauty around me and keeps me mindful of the here and now. It is a part of my healing journey.

I love taking pics in the same spots, showing the plants growing over time.

And then jumping in the pool, to cool off after being in this Aussie summer sun 🙂

Loving the results, of all the effort :)

My gardens are looking so beautiful. They are worth all the effort. They have been cared for, fed with what they need, maintained and loved.

It all takes continual effort, learning what is needed, seeing how different plants need different care. And how continual love and attention, brings beautiful results.

I see the similarities to caring for self and others.

Why ‘buy’ stuff for my inner child, when I can make it.

I love sewing, although only very basic stuff and one type of clothing I do know how to make, is pillow case dresses and tops.

As I was wandering around Spotlight earlier, looking at material to stretch over canvases, I was admiring all the Christmas materials, thinking how beautiful some would be as little girls dresses and suddenly realised, I can ‘make’ dresses for my inner child.

I picked some beautiful material and some co-ordinating ribbon and will make a pretty dress for Christmas for my inner little girl.

This will incorporate some mindfulness, as I have to really concentrate when sewing, creativity and inner child healing, all at the same time.

Perfect!

😀

Today, was a good day, considering how my days normally go…

Good days need to be acknowledged, appreciated, and they matter. They really matter.

I went out…..and any day where I get out of the house willingly, without too much anxiety and with a desire to do something good….is a pretty good day.

I bought myself a latte and a magazine and chilled in a fairly quiet coffee shop. Then bought some crafty stuff and inner child stuff. Anxiety wasn’t too bad in the shopping centre and my hives made no appearance, so that was nice.

Had fun with my son, making puppets, chatting and doing what he loves, while taking care of my inner child needs too.

And my mood has remained fairly level, not turning into a ‘high’, or descending into depression…

So, based upon how I feel most of the time……this is a really good day! Even my husband commented that I seemed in a better state of mind.

I haven’t felt emotional, or upset, or thought much about trauma stuff. My mother came into my head today a few times, and I just decided I was not giving that/her headspace today. I guess mindfulness capacity kicked in today, which is also very hard for me. But when I can do it, I do it.

How a day can turn from a crappy start – to truly wonderful!

My day started pretty badly, but improved considerably. I realised people have their different opinions on what I do, and that does not have to have any impact on me, or my mood, or my understanding of situations. My self esteem is not tied to anyone else’s opinion of me. I choose to reject any hurt ego/trigger issues and embrace self esteem and be secure in my intentions and capacity to do right. No matter what you do, there will always be critics and that only has to bother me, if I let it.

After that, I felt great!

In the afternoon, spent some quality time with my husband and my boys. We only went for a walk, with the boys on their bikes and to the park, but it was a lovely day, sun shining, watching my boys have fun, getting out and having some fresh air. I started off with hives, but they weren’t too bad and didn’t detract from enjoying watching my family have fun and just having quality family time.

I am increasingly finding the simple, free things in life, more and more to be all I need. I know what God already provides for is, is enough.

Nothing of human capacity, will undo, or fix the unmet childhood needs, or psychological damage, of severe childhood complex trauma.

Last night, was a bad night. Deep realisations, hurting like being beaten up, hurting every part of me. Depths of pain and emotions, that put me back into a fragile and dark place, that is only ever just below the surface. Dark thoughts, wanting the pain to end, fear of another 40 years, or however long I live, of being where I am now.

I nearly phoned my husband to come home, as he is on night shifts. Which is good self care and a need in my life that he is there in an emergency if I need him. Good to acknowledge now, that I can think appropriately – whilst also having highly unsafe thoughts. An inner strength and desire to survive. A hazy awareness of my children and my need to live for them and Jesus’ presence.

Today, within a whole range of emotions and exhaustion, coming to terms with the following.

Healing complex trauma – in any human capacity terms, I don’t believe this exists.

Children have needs, emotional, psychological, mental, developmental. If these needs are not met, they will never be healed, and they cannot be met, within adulthood.

I truly understand this now. It makes sense.

The only way the wounds can be healed, is by the needs being met, and that can only happen within childhood, by the people who were supposed to meet them, at that time.

The following do not ‘fix’ these unmet needs, do not heal the wounds;

i) Intellectual understanding of the deep consequences of prolonged severe neglect.

ii) Intellectual understanding of the reasons why people abuse.

iii) Intellectual understanding of the severe damage of not having one adult to rely on, trust, and being surrounded by danger, harm, abuse, severe emotional neglect, severe abandonment.

iv) Intellectual and deep insight of complex trauma.

v) Deep self awareness of the consequences to myself.

vi) Compassion for abusers.

vii) Forgiveness for abusers.

viii) Deep insight and understanding of the abusers personality and traits and how they formed.

Christian Yoga – Christian doctor/counsellor approved. Excellent for PTSD, anxiety etc.