Why being ‘positive’ can make you sick…

When a person is in despair, few things are more alienating than being told that s/he is supposed to think positively. I cringe when I hear someone say, “Everything happens for a reason.” You know, maybe everything does happen for a reason, and maybe it’s all random, and maybe it’s some combination therein. That’s a question people have been grappling with from the beginning of time. The truth is, none of us will know for sure what happens after this until we exhale our last breath. No point arguing about it in my view.

Regardless, when a person is grieving, they do not want to hear that this knifing thing has happened for some reason they’ll understand someday. If you lose a child, for example, you’ll never understand that. That will never be OK. That will never go into the category of, “Thank you for this experience.”

If you’re physically or sexually abused (or any kind of abuse), that will never go into the “Thank you” category, either. And suggesting to people that they ought to be able to be positive and grateful in every moment lacks compassion and understanding. When you ask people to deny their experience, to push down their real, complicated, raw, and immediate feelings, you also ask them to cut themselves off from their own intuition. You’re plunging them into further darkness.

Bumped into someone else from ‘that church’.

Today, I was out with my husband and at my favourite shop that sells home wares, gifts, ornaments etc, really cheap.

As I was wandering around…I heard ‘hello (my name)’. Turned around and it was someone from ‘that church’. Someone I actually really cared about, who ditched me for her abusive church friends. As they all did. Their needs to stay in their ‘clicks’ and not upset the church inner circles, more important than I was. Even though I was the victim. It’s always easier for churches to get rid of the victim, than to deal appropriately with the abuser. Of course, they will have all manner of self serving reasons/needs for doing what they need to do.

It was awkward, I said hello and then fought to remain calm, and I did. Did the usual asking in a friendly voice how her family was etc…as society demands you do to be polite. It was only a quick conversation, and she leaned to give me a hug. It always amazes me how people can really hurt you and then want to hug you. Of course, that being for their own needs, not mine.

Coming to terms with how severely the child sexual abuse has affected me in certain ways….is so hard.

***Trigger warning, this is about child sexual abuse.

Due to my childhood, being raised by narc/sociopath parents, being sexually abused, raped repeatedly by a paedophile (as I have now got my head around, as any form of penetration is rape), I also realise how much this has affected my whole life, in terms of sex and intimacy.

Narcissists & Sociopaths….are ‘unwilling’ to stop hurting people…not ‘unable’.

They can control their behaviours….it is how they can create images and fool many.

They know right from wrong….they choose to have harmful behaviours.

They are mentally ill…..but not with a disorder that renders them unable to stop hurting people in their sly, manipulative and devious way.

People should realise this….whenever they start feeling sorry for them.

They ‘choose’ to hurt people. And they enjoy it.

And not as a ‘one-off’………but repeatedly, all their lives.

It is their victims who need the compassion and care.