When a person is in despair, few things are more alienating than being told that s/he is supposed to think positively. I cringe when I hear someone say, “Everything happens for a reason.” You know, maybe everything does happen for a reason, and maybe it’s all random, and maybe it’s some combination therein. That’s a question people have been grappling with from the beginning of time. The truth is, none of us will know for sure what happens after this until we exhale our last breath. No point arguing about it in my view.
Regardless, when a person is grieving, they do not want to hear that this knifing thing has happened for some reason they’ll understand someday. If you lose a child, for example, you’ll never understand that. That will never be OK. That will never go into the category of, “Thank you for this experience.”
If you’re physically or sexually abused (or any kind of abuse), that will never go into the “Thank you” category, either. And suggesting to people that they ought to be able to be positive and grateful in every moment lacks compassion and understanding. When you ask people to deny their experience, to push down their real, complicated, raw, and immediate feelings, you also ask them to cut themselves off from their own intuition. You’re plunging them into further darkness.