Don Hennessey – Domestic Violence Expert – Validates All My Own Insight ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

I came across an article written about Don Hennessey and his insight and work in domestic violence and it resonated with me immediately.

Don Hennessey is the Director of the National Domestic Violence Intervention Agency and has decades of experience and research into domestic violence perpetrators and victims/targets.

His insight it truly amazing and his compassion for victims is beautiful.

This is the article I read:

www.independent.ie/au/irish-news/men-who-abuse-women-use-the-same-tactics-as-pedophiles-and-ive-never-met-one-who-wanted-to-change-says-author-of-how-he-gets-in-her-head

After reading this article, which makes it clear that male domestic violence perpetrators intentionally abuse and groom, and the abuse is a ‘lifestyle choice’ – I chose to download his book – How He Gets into Her Head : The Mind of the Male Intimate Abuser

Every page validates what I already know. Every page validates my insight, knowledge and experience of domestic violence.

Don’s compassion for the victims – who he states are “kind, giving women”, is so important to hear – particularly from a man and a man who is highly educated and experienced in working with perpetrators and victims.

He ‘gets’ it.

He gets the intentional nature of the abuse. He gets it is a choice they make. He gets it’s not ‘subconscious’ behaviour. He gets the intentional grooming process and how they use the same grooming tactics as paedophiles. He gets the psychological abuse that always occurs. He gets that they are ‘con men’. He gets how wrong victim blaming is and he makes it clear – the women targets/victims are not in any way to blame for the abuse. 

I also watched this video and you can feel the compassion and gentle nature he has.

 

It’s always such a relief when my own insight is validated, by those who are experts in the field and have considerable education and experience in the field.

Nuggets Of Healing Posts, In April 2019 ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

 

I often write posts on my Facebook Lilly Hope Lucario account and they are a significant part of my healing. So, I thought I would post them here, to maintain a record of them and share them further with others.

Grieving Someone Who Was Abusive – Is Hard ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

My ex-husband has died, and I am currently going through different emotions. Which is understandable, as he was abusive due to addictions. There was domestic violence and financial abuse. There were also good times too.

 

My emotions are….

Deep sadness for his mother and daughter, who both loved him. Knowing his mothers whole life was based on her son and husband, who are now both deceased. Sadness for a mother who has to bury her son. No parent should ever have to go to the funeral of their own child.

My own sadness for him, as I did love him very much.

Sadness as he died in his early 50’s, which is too young.

Feelings of hurt and anger rising up, because of the abuse I endured. Which I do know I need to feel, process and grieve and trying not to feel guilty about because he has now died.

Feeling that maybe I could have helped him more, but realising you cannot save someone – who does not want to be saved. Knowing I have not beat myself up and know I was not responsible for saving him.

Feeling sadness for a man who’s life was damaged by addictions and a poor and neglectful upbringing – raised by an addict and an addict enabler.

Sadness, knowing had he been able to deal with his addictions, his life would have been so much better – for himself, as well as those around him.

The feelings due to holding onto knowing, he could be caring and thoughtful when sober and I wish he could have been sober all the time. He had potential to be a really great person.

October is #DomesticViolenceAwarenessMonth

I support raising awareness, education and support regarding domestic violence, which can be many kinds of abuse – emotional, psychological, verbal, physical, sexual, spiritual, financial abuse etc.

Domestic violence, affects women, men and most of all children. Children within homes where domestic violence is occurring – suffer deeply and it impacts their growing brain and psyche. Children sadly live with continual daily fear, anxiety and being unsafe, as their normal, within these dysfunctional abusive homes.

People are killed/murdered within domestic violence – so physical abuse needs to be considered a huge issue, as it leads to loss of life.

Education is empowerment.

Education is the only way to change.

#NoExcuseForAbuse

Petition, to stop ‘legal rape’ promoter group.

https://www.change.org/p/the-nsw-police-force-stop-supporters-of-legal-rape-roosh-v-advocates-meeting-in-sydney?recruiter=472293914&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink

Words fail me as to describing just how abhorrent this group are.

They want to legalise rape on private property. They promote how to be predators. They promote enjoying violence against women.

What’s worse than knowing this group exists, is knowing they have many followers, a worldwide audience and there are many people agree and want this also.

They have booked ‘meetings’ in 44 countries, worldwide.

I’m sure there will be many ‘excuses’ made for these men promoting this. No doubt their childhood will be assumed to be inadequate/abusive, assumptions as to their possible mental illness, blamed. These will be given as the reasons why these men want to cause so much suffering to women. These will be the excuses given, to make these men seem less bad than they are. To somehow rationalise they are unable to see their actions are abhorrent.

I don’t want to hear the excuses. I’m over hearing excuses.

What these men are doing is evil. I’m not minimizing the abhorrence of the minds/souls of these men. It is evil and they are promoting evil.

And I agree with this petition, that this should be considered a hate crime and they should be arrested, convicted and jailed for hate crimes.

Mark Latham, needs to be stopped from venting his misogynistic & toxic views.

As an anti-abuse advocate, I have signed the petition (see link below) to get him out of the media, permanently.

https://www.change.org/p/triple-m-melbourne-channel-9-melbourne-white-ribbon-australia-channel-9-mark-latham-must-be-fired-by-triple-m-for-hateful-misogynistic-views-towards-feminists

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Mark Latham, clearly displays misogynistic attitudes, defends domestic violence & abusers, and minimizes the epidemic of violence against women and children.

He needs psychiatric help, and the best indicator of this, is his trolling under a fake account, so he could harm people. This is behaviour shown by those with sociopathic types of personalities.

http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/the-verdict-recap-mark-latham-admits-to-being-behind-trolling-twitter-account-20151016-gkagfz.html

I’m sure his issues with women, probably come from his past, where a women has hurt his ego, and he cannot let that go. No doubt the woman was correct and justified in her actions, and he is resentful and projects his own issues with women, onto all women as a result. If this is correct, what he is doing is revenge tactics and

No, God does not want us to tolerate emotional abuse and suffering.

Glad to see people take on this spiritual abuse perpetuated that God wants us to suffer, stay in abusive relationships.

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Happily Abused: How to Use a Woman’s Faith and Trust to Make Her a Willing Accomplice to Her Own Abuse

After stumbling across yet another piece of alarmingly dangerous advice for abused women of faith titled, Surviving Emotional Abuse Six Steps, by Christian author, Darcy Ingraham, I am wishing I had more middle fingers with which to express my extreme irritation. Ack!

I will to try to calm down long enough to use my words rather than profane gestures to talk about spiritual abuse.

To begin with the author assumes that only those husbands who abandon their faith become angry, bitter, and abusive — and she offers no help for women whose abusive husbands are fully committed Christians acting in accordance with patriarchal teachings derived from the bible; she quotes random bible verses out of context to convince abused women that they are safe from actual violent abuse so long as they remain close to God; she appears to believe a woman’s display of piety (praying out loud for her abuser and telling him that she is giving him over to the Lord, for example) is the way to truly intimidate her abusive husband and get him to back off; she advises victims not to “make the abuse worse” by reacting to their abusers’ anger (followed by the whiplash-inducing about-face when she admonishes victims to never allow anyone to convince you that the abuse is your fault); and to top it all off, the author encourages abuse victims to take charge of their lives by finding a hobby.

‘Spare the rod, spoil the child’ – allegorical meaning, not literal.

http://gracethrufaith.com/topical-studies/tough-questions-answered/spare-the-rod-and-spoil-the-child/

I’ve always known this Bible verse was not meant in a literal meaning. I just knew. Jesus’ spirit.

I remember telling the pastor (who later abused me) when I first started church 5 years ago, that I believed what I had read that the rod – was meant for guiding and leading, not to hit.

He disagreed of course. He likes abuse and feels very entitled to abuse.

Society must stop enabling/excusing abusers, based on mental health.

Abuse is increasing, in all forms.

A huge % of abuse is based on these disorders and other mental health disorders.

Mental health disorders are increasing.

Society must stop allowing mental health to be used as an excuse for abusers, to abuse.

Society needs educating about personality disorders, what the signs are, and must recognise these disorders more and in particular how they mostly cannot be treated successfully.

Society MUST reduce abuse and not allow it to continue increasing.