My trust issues, are not about what is ‘wrong’ with me..

I get so sick of assumptions, that there is something ‘wrong’ with people with PTSD, or Complex PTSD.

After all the abuse, lies and harm I have endured, from birth, from all significant people in my life, including over the last 2 years…I would be a ‘fool’ not to have trust issues.

Not because I think everyone is a liar, who will hurt me.

But, because I know there are many who are liars, who cause harm.

Getting over trust issues regarding

one person harming you…

is very different to dealing with the

harm caused by as many abusive people

as I have endured in my life.

Bottom line, I trust no-one.

Never have and probably never will.

My subconscious need to protect myself, is far greater, than my need to potentially allow myself to get harmed again.

And I have tried and been burned, badly.

Funny posts, that made me smile today…gotta keep that sense of humour!!

 Bahahaha!!! I am so selfish!!!

 

Sounds good to me…

 

When Narcissists Claim to be Victims of Narcissists – Who is the Narcissist?

An Upturned Soul

If you’re searching online for information about Narcissists, Narcissism, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), Narcissistic parents, being a Child of Narcissists, an ACoN – Adult Child of Narcissists, being in a relationship with a Narcissist, being a Victim of a Narcissist, How to Play the Narcissist’s Game and maybe win, How to Piss a Narcissist Off (which is one of the most popular search terms in my stats), or any other variation on the theme, you will be inundated with results.

The subject of Narcissism is trending, a Hot Topic.

The internet is bursting with information about it, from professionals, experts in the field, and from people like me who are sharing their experiences and working their way through them publicly.

Why share your private story publicly?

If your particular Narcissist has managed to isolate you and surround you with people who are on their side, then the chances are that…

View original post 4,397 more words

Receiving Vindication…feels a relief and good…..and that is okay.

It is okay to feel very relived and very happy, when you are vindicated of wrong doing, of people’s lies, slander and your name being trashed.

It is horrible to go through these painful times, where you are being attacked, cyber bullied, abused, lied about – where people are harming you, and other people are believing it too.

And they are all wrong.

Being vindicated is good, it is good prevailing, and it *is* okay to feel good about it.

It is truth, light and goodness prevailing,

after much darkness had previously attempted victory.

And again, I do not have to justify this to anyone. They do not know what I endured, how it affected me, affected my healing, the anxiety and stress it caused me.

They don’t know my heart motivation, and my reasons for doing what it is they chose to harm me about.

It is okay, to feel good about our achievements/gifts/strengths ~ Lilly Hope Lucario

A post to my community page 🙂

 

Over the last few months, I have been diligently beavering away, updating my Website, making it more user friendly, adding heaps of info.

 

(Website @ http://www.healingfromcomplextraumaandptsd.com/ )

I am happy with how it is now looking and thankful it helps many, and I am pleased with my achievement. It doesn’t mean I think it is the best, or is amazing, or anything of that nature. At all.

But, it is the best *I* can provide and I *am okay* with that.

We often have been programmed through abuse, to not believe anything good about ourselves, to feel like saying something is a strength, or an achievement, is not okay. Is wrong.

 

I still have issues about feeling anything good about myself – but I am working on it 😉

It isn’t wrong.

We all have strengths, we all have gifts.

And it is *okay’ to acknowledge that.

Narcissists are ‘unwilling’ not ‘unable’ to consider the feelings/needs of others. Big distinction.

I think some mental health professionals should start realising this.

Far too many people excuse narcissists behaviours – like their mental health renders them ‘unable’ to be a decent human being.

BS

It is a ‘choice’ and I have been saying this all along.

I know, I’ve seen too many in action.

The Sociopath’s ‘Apaths’ – they need to take ownership of what they ‘choose’ to do.

I am a very big believer in the Sociopath…Apath….Empath….Triad.

I absolutely know this occurs and have endured it many times in my life.

Me – The Empath/Prey

Sociopath – The Abuser

Apaths – The abusers supporters/minions, who collude, enable, encourage  and often do the sociopaths abusive work for them.

I know these Apaths come in different forms.

1. Those who are gullible and naïve
2. Those who know the sociopath is dodgy, but gain something from the relationship with them
3. Those who are also sociopaths/narcissists, but just don’t have the guts to be overt about it

 

All of these apaths, are still making ‘choices’ to go along with the sociopaths.

If these apaths, do wrong, like ganging up on the empath, calling the empath names, attacking them, spreading gossip, lies, slander etc…then they *are* responsible for those actions, that abuse.

This has happened during the abuse from the CEO of a UK PTSD page, who has now been charged with fraud.

The truth has now come out.

I have received 3 apologies.

One was genuine and remorseful – I believe her and I believe she is the naïve, gullible apath.. and we are friendly now 🙂

Two were not genuine – because they were not remorseful, one projecting blame back onto the sociopath and I believe they are the as stated as No 2 – above on the list of apath types.

I need ‘no contact’ with narcisistic people, to protect my healing. And that *is* okay…

 

 

I have to have ‘no contact’ with narcissistic/sociopathic traits people.

They trigger me far too much, due to all the severe abuse in the first 20 years of my life from narcissistic/sociopathic abusers/parents.

It isn’t because I hate people who have mental health issues, like narcissism. I don’t hate them. I wish they could be healed.

But, *my healing* is more important, than having to have these …types of people in my life.

It was a looooooong time, before I realised, I needed to think this way. I was programmed since birth, to accept these behaviours and not have any needed responses back. I was programmed through considerable severe abuse, to believe I deserved nothing more, than these abusive behaviours.

I have also worked on not feel guilty/wrong about this perfectly acceptable need/boundary.

 

 

I do realise, I trigger easily and the reason for that – being very skilled at picking up on these narcissist traits/behaviours.

 

Yes, I am trying to model gaining self esteem. No, that doesn’t give you the right, to try and shit all over that.

I am very honest about having had a lack of self esteem, allowing many to hurt and harm me, all my life.

I am trying to develop self esteem, and hold on to the positive things people say about me, to try and eventually over-ride all the many terrible, horrible, degrading, nasty, abusive things people have said about me, for decades.

I have noticed, that when I talk about myself in a bad way, I get lots of comments, which is lovely, because people are supporting me and also they are expressing their own feelings of low self worth, self hatred etc.

But, when I speak about myself in a positive way – I often get negative comments.

I make it very clear all the time,

I am not remotely perfect,

I am not healed, I don’t know it all

and I am no better than anyone else.

But, showing some positive aspects of who I am  – which also helps other to feel positive about themselves too – is seen by some as wrong.

Being a healthy individual, is not about putting yourself down all the time.

“Just let it go” about people causing harm…..really?

I have been told, I should ‘let it go’ – when it comes to other people doing wrong.

That is their opinion and they can have that opinion, but I disagree with it completely.

I won’t let it go because:

• Other people are getting hurt
• There will continue to be more people getting hurt
• It is selfish to think of yourself and walk away
• It is enabling harm/sin to occur
• I don’t back off, just because it might cause me issues – I am stronger & have more integrity than that
• I don’t take the ‘easy road’ – to make my life easier, when others are being harmed
• If everyone ‘lets it go’ – who helps stop people harming others?
• I am not egocentric/selfish
• I don’t have the “well it’s not my problem” attitude, that is so wrong
• I know the harm, abusive, lying people can cause and I don’t want that for others
• It is always the right action to take, to expose abusive people
• I have courage, integrity and a social responsibility to others, as we all should
• I don’t go with the majority, when I know they are wrong
• I see how abuser protecting, is rife throughout society/religion
• I see how egocentricity, apathy, abuse, violence, greed, narcissism, are all destroying society
• I would be so thankful, if I knew someone had done something, to help me not end up a victim
• Pro-active work is needed….not just reactive
• Abuse of all kinds, is increasing and this is not okay
• It is unhealthy social/religious attitudes, that are responsible for the increase in abuse 
• It is my responsibility – as a Christian, to not ignore evil against others and help the oppressed, suffering, vulnerable

Now tell me I am wrong?

 

Sadly there will always be those, who don’t ‘get this’.

I have been told in counselling, I have a wise old soul, and I have to accept, others don’t understand, what I see clearly.