Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.


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I do my small part, as one person, to explain wrong ‘Christian’ abusive views.

I am only one person, I’m still in my own healing journey. Trying to cope with, recover from a severe trauma history.

I see so many abusive views held by too many church people. I’ve endured them and I know God wants this used to help others.

God needs His people who understand who He is, to help others.

But, I am not under any ego/illusion that I am going to ‘change the world’. I can only do what I can, and help a few people. My gift is writing, which isn’t amazing in any way, but it is honest, real, relatable, and many people clearly value it.

My experiences in life are mostly about ‘abuse’. So this is what I write about mostly and also I incorporate the abuse I know and have seen and have endured by church people.

It offends my soul, when God, Jesus’ Word is used to abuse people. It is an added layer of disgust for me and whether intentional, or not, it is evil occurring. Continue reading


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‘Honour thy father & mother’….even if abusers who harmed you greatly??..No.

Yes, this is one of the 10 commandments.

Honour means ‘hold in great esteem and high respect’.

This is based upon your parents being Christian/Godly parents, who act like parents. Not about parents who are abusers.

There is far too much abuse condoned in churches, based upon literal and immature interpretations of Bible verses.

I have a very abusive mother, who abused me and allowed me to be abused by men.

I have a birth father who completely abandoned me.

I had a step father who was an abuser within a circle of sexual abuser friends.

Collectively, these 3 people have destroyed my life. My life could have been very differently, had they have actually acted like ‘parents’.

Does anyone really believe that despite all the abuse and harm these 3 people have caused to me, that I should ‘honour’ them.

Does anyone really believe that God wants me to ‘honour’ people who have caused so much harm and abuse to me?

Does anyone really believe I should have nice thoughts about these people, and want them in my life, reconciliation, enforced forgiveness, or anything else many church people would suggest?

The only expectation God has of me, is to not hate them – which I don’t, to not want retribution – which I have never wanted for any of my abusers, and to leave their fate to Him – which I do.

I have actually gone further than this, and I have compassion for their mental health – although I do not in any way excuse the abuse, because it was still a ‘choice’ they made and they could have chosen not to abuse me. But, I accept they have very poor mental health and huge mental health disorder issues, and I don’t want that for them. I wish their lives could have been different, for them.

I have prayed for them and been in tears for their dark mind and dark hearts and prayed that they would somehow have eternal life with Jesus and I know that is not in my hands. I have prayed they will.

But, that is all I know I need to do and all that God requires of me. Continue reading


Wow, man gifts $650 million for psychiatric research.

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2014/07/broad_psychiatric_research_gift/

The Broad Institute today announced an unprecedented commitment of $650 million from philanthropist Ted Stanley aimed at galvanizing scientific research on psychiatric disorders and bringing new treatments based on molecular understanding to hundreds of millions of people around the world.

The Stanley commitment — the largest ever in psychiatric research and among the largest for scientific research in general — will support research by a collaborative network of researchers within the Stanley Center for Psychiatric Research at the Broad Institute, a biomedical research institution that brings together faculty from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Harvard University, the Harvard-affiliated hospitals, and collaborators worldwide. Continue reading


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So…it would seem the abusive pastor, may have been told to ‘move on’.

A little anonymous dicky bird, has let me know that they have heard, the abusive pastor who abused me has been told by people above – to move to another church, due to concerns that I have enough evidence and support from witnesses, to take legal action against him, which will damage the Baptist Church’s reputation too much.

And the dicky bird stated, – like the abuse that occurred to me, was kept hushed up, and very few know about the truth of it, very few know this is the real reasons why he is moving on, so soon after a formal complaint that had no choice but to admit so many failures and very suspicious behaviours, of an associate minister, because I provided proof.

Wouldn’t surprise me if he has been ‘told’ to move, and I know enough corruption has already occurred, and does throughout Church institutions worldwide, to know anything is possible.

It’s kind of like how the Catholic church who are renowned for ‘moving on’ sexual predator priests, before anyone takes legal action. Continue reading


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The only positive, an abuser moving away = I don’t have to see him anymore.

It does show my heart, that when I read that an abuser pastor, had been promoted, that my first deep emotions were deep distress at the thought of him abusing more people and another whole church.

Then deep emotions of disgust at what the church and ‘Christians’ have done. And how common this actually is.

Then it starting sinking in – all the injustice, invalidation, all the people who have let me and so many others down, in all of this, enabling this man.

And only now, I am just starting to think of the positives for me.

I always come last in my processing.

I don’t have to see him or his equally abusive wife anymore. Continue reading


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Some very needed messages, I need to hear right now.

I do need to remember, I am loved, believed, valued and validated, by Jesus.

I do need to remember that no matter how many times other people fail in my life, being transparent, honest and courage, is always required.

I do need to remember, to reject the enemies lies, no matter how many other people swallow them.

Hold strong in the truth and what I know is right.

No matter how painful that ends up being, due to the failure, lies, lack of courage, lack of honesty of others.

No matter whether in all reality, I am alone in this. In human terms.

The right path, is a lonely one, with few others on it.

I don’t know the Bible reference, but I know it says somewhere ‘The joy of the Lord, is my strength’.

I will hold on to that.