Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

I am so used to abuse, bullying, lies now, sometimes I wanna say “is that all you got?!”

I am so used to having hateful stuff said to me, done to me, written about me, lies told etc, by abusive types…

That I am now able to deal with it, in a pretty calm manner now. And just see their issues and not react. I know it’s about them, not me.

Sometimes, I feel like saying…..’Is that all you got!?’

Except I don’t, because that just encourages their darkness.

I don’t have to tolerate their issues, and I decide what kind of response is required, if any. But, I definitely see their issues, as I can pick up on them so easily.

I am definitely toughening up. I said in counselling I needed to toughen up, be more resilient to harmful people, but in the right way, and I am.


1 Comment

Sadly, I’m currently receiving abusive comments here, which I am not approving.

My work, I do here, attracts many people who need to see this info I share and the insight I have into abuse, and abusers.

Which is great, and is why I do this. Partly to vent my own journey, but I choose to do that in a public blog, to help others and I know it does help many.

But, due to the content of the work I do here, it also sometimes attracts the very people I write about, abusive people, narcissistic people, sociopathic people, paedophiles etc.

I’ve been dealing with this now, for over a year, here, on my FB page and over the last 4 months on Twitter.

I expect it to happen.

the great thing about WordPress, is unless I don’t have to approve the comments. And I currently have over 75 comments not approved. This doesn’t include spam.

About half of these are abusive.

The other half are highly suspicious.

Sad eh. Continue reading

It is a weird realisation to know, there are many conversations going on about me, worldwide.

I receive many posts like this one. People often talk to their therapists about me, which is good due to the content of what I put out there. People also have let me know they regularly discuss me in group sessions and with family, friends etc. Mental health professionals talk about me with their clients and student psychologists/counsellors, use my work too.

Now I have a ‘contact me’ on my Website, I get even more messages from people.

As someone who is actually introverted, this is weird for me to get my head around.

But, I am thankful when and if, anything I do anywhere in my work, helps anyone, in any way.

It is my passion, my ministry, my way of blessing others, as I am blessed.

I know loneliness if one of the worst forms of emotional pain and I don’t want people to feel alone.

It’s amazing what can be done, sat looking like death warmed up, in my pj’s, can do, all round the world.

My husband and I, have such cute pet names for each other…freak and mini PP (psychopath)..

My husband and I have very different personalities. And that’s okay.

He fully admits he does not have empathy like I do, doesn’t really have any conscience about stuff he had done wrong in the past, doesn’t think about people suffering, or feel any need to help people.

So I call him my mini PP, meaning psychopath. As a little jokey thing between us. He isn’t a psychopath, and I know that, he doesn’t want or look to harm anyone. But he has traits, he fully admits to, that are not in my understanding.

He also could not be a cop, if he was like me. I would make a really bad cop. I would be emotional and cry, and want to take everyone home with me, all the drug addicts and mental health people etc, that I would see are broken and need love. My husband has that capacity to deal with his cop work, with the needed attitude, of being sensitive to people’s needs, mental health, grieving etc, whilst not feeling the level of emotions I do. He also has that capacity to switch off things he sees, when he comes home. Which is quite frankly bizarre to me!

My husband calls me ‘freak’ because I am in society terms.

I’m not really a freak, but again it is our little jokey thing, that just highlights the differences between us. My level of empathy, life wisdom, understanding of human behaviour and what it is driven by, is beyond my husbands capacity, or even his desire to think about.

He believes I should just hate all my abusers and thinks it’s bizarre that I don’t! So, he calls me a freak.

Good thing is, we accept our differences in each other, and I have learned from him and he learns from me.

Doesn’t mean I trust him though. Anyone with ‘those’ traits, becomes pretty unsafe to me. But, I do live with it and accept who he is and he accepts who I am.

Is this healthy, to label each other this way? Well I have a feeling my doctor – who is ‘anti-labelling’, would probably say not….

But, hey – perfect, we ain’t.


‘I rest my case’ on how psychopaths & paedophiles, are drawn to being lawyers/judges.

It is so clear what this judge’s motivation are for this. This is not normal behaviour, of a normal man. They want society to ‘normalise’ this behaviour. Normalise abuse, child sexual abuse and most of society couldn’t care less. Unless of course, it is their child affected.


Following from this ^ link.

An Australian judge has incurred the wrath of child protection and gay rights advocates after stating that incest and pedophilia may no longer be considered taboo – just as gay relationships are now more accepted than they were in the 1950s and 60s.

District Court Judge Garry Neilson was recorded as saying that sexual contact between adults and children or siblings may no longer be regarded by society as “unnatural” or “taboo.”

Just as same-sex relationships were once considered socially unacceptable, “a jury might find nothing untoward in the advance of a brother towards his sister once she had sexually matured, had sexual relationships with other men and was now ‘available,’ not having [a] sexual partner,” he said, as quoted by Australia’s Fairfax Media.

Neilson said that the primary reason for incest still being a crime is the high risk of genetic abnormalities in any children born as a result of the relationships.

“But even that falls away to an extent [because] there is such ease of contraception and ready access to abortion,” he said.

He made the comments in April, in the case of a 58-year-old man charged with repeatedly raping his younger sister in 1981 in west Sydney.

The man pleaded guilty to sexually assaulting her when she was 10 or 11 years old in 1973 or 1974, but pleaded not guilty to the 1981 charges when she was 18 and he was 26.

The judge was also found to have given a 55-year-old rapist a lighter sentence because he did not ejaculate inside his young niece or “treat her roughly.” She was 15 and 16 when she was raped in 2007 and 2008. Continue reading

Poem – I’m Sorry Mummy

I still feel emotional when I read this poem.
But I do know, there was nothing wrong with me.
My mother had darkness within her that gave in to evil.
There is a part of me that feels compassion, as I want no-one to be this way.
And a part of me deeply scarred by living in the ‘garden of evil’ as I did for the first 20 years of my life.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD


This is about being the daughter of a narcissist mother.

Why don’t
You love me?

I do everything you say
I care for my sisters all day
I do all your housework
I try to be, a good girl

Why don’t
You hug me?

I love you
You know I do
You see my scared eyes
Searching for your affection

Why do
You hate me?

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