Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

A journey to healing from complex trauma.

Been researching slander, and that sure is what has happened to me, by N. P. Baptist Church

slan·der [slan-der]
defamation; calumny: rumors full of slander.
a malicious, false, and defamatory statement or report: a slander against his good name.
Law. defamation by oral utterance rather than by writing, pictures, etc.
verb (used with object)
to utter slander against; defame.
verb (used without object)
to utter or circulate slander.

I have been lied about, by a pastor – A. Allinson and his wife at this church. The pastor being the one who abused me.

I have proof of this, in writing. It was admitted in front of other witnesses, by his wife, that this pastor lies. The excuse made that ‘everyone lies’.

These people have lied; by omission, by telling half truths, and by allowing others to think the wrong thing about me – which is all forms of lying.

This is emotional abuse and it is slander. Continue reading

My pen name is now ‘Googleable’ – Lilly Hope Lucario :)

As I wish to remain anonymous, to most people, and community members wanted to be able to use a name for me, I picked a pen name, so that I could publish work and have a name people could then relate to me with, as a human being.

So, I picked Lilly Hope Lucario, for quite a few reasons, each name has significance, as well as the initials.

So, on my peer support page, I am ‘Lilly’ and I am more used to using that name now, than my real name.

I googled this pen name out of interest and my blog posts all came up, which was nice.

I also checked goggle images and many of my quote/pics came up. Along with lots of pics of a Pokémon called Lucario lol!

Yes, we are free to choose, we have free will, but….

Everyone talks about how they have a ‘right’, or they are entitled to their ‘opinion’….but how often do people own the full responsibilities of their actions?

I am about to have further legal advice, from a quality law firm, about the actions/abuse of an abusive pastor, and dealing with legal consequences to his actions, that are available. And I have support, in this.

People make mistakes, people mess up, but ‘how’ you deal with it, is important, not just for yourself, but to those harmed and to all those who are around you, especially if in a position of influence.

Lying, is abuse. It is emotional abuse. Continue reading

You and Your Therapist: Part II. Therapy Love

Interesting perspectives on therapy relationships.

FEELING UP IN DOWN TIMES: Psychology in real life, for the good life...

Help, I think I love my therapist!
How do I know if my therapist loves me?
What do I do if I think my therapist loves me?
How do I get my therapist to love me?
Am I supposed to hate the therapist I love?

I’ve been amazed at how many questions like these bring folks to Feeling Up in Down Times. Therapy love feels real, and it is real. It’s just not real love. It’s therapy love.

Transference – all the feelings you put onto your therapist that really emanate from somewhere, someone else. You idealize your therapist, adore your therapist, and then, at some point, you see the shortcomings and the inevitable happens. He or she becomes real, flawed, and not nearly so fantastic as your perfect transference version. Sometimes, you even hate her; talk about falling off the pedestal.

Countertransference – all the feelings your therapist…

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Celebrated my good news today, lunch out & a Long Island Iced Tea cocktail :)

I was so excited, and then so emotional about receiving an email supporting my work, from one of my biggest inspirations, that my husband decided we needed to celebrate!

So, we went for lunch at one of our favourite places, and I had a treat of a Long Island Iced Tea – which is one of my favourite cocktails 🙂


Had an email from Pete Walker!!!! One of my biggest inspirations!

To be commended on my work, by Pete Walker, who is one of my great inspirations, is AMAZING!!!!

And he gave me permission to use any of his work!!

Every blessed and honoured to have his support and validation of my work.


Pete Walker is @ http://www.pete-walker.com/

I have read and highly recommend this book, he authored;



Yes, I sure will ban your arse…

I take my role of admin of my community peer support page seriously. I spent a year, trying to reason with rude, unreasonable, narcissistic, angry, nasty people… Then I listened to advice that said ‘why are you even bothering?’.

And it’s true. It’s not my job or responsibility, to fix every unhealthy person. I’ve taken waaaaaaaay too much of that, in the past.

And I do know, I now only endure, what I allow.

So, yes, if you are rude, nasty, inappropriate, unhealthy, mean, narcissistic, passive aggressive etc – then I will ban your arse off my page. I wont be rude to you, or get angry with you. But, I will not tolerate you.

No arguing. No reasoning. I do not have to explain myself. I’m not anyone’s counsellor, or life coach or emotional punch bag.

I’m not here for every unhealthy person, to attack, vomit their shit & darkness onto. And I do admin my page, for the health and well-being of every person there, as I see fit. I understand some may not appreciate, or like that, or agree with my choices, and that is okay….they can take themselves somewhere else, or maybe set up their own page.

I am person, who deserves respect and to be treated with dignity. And I will insist on that.